He totally caught me off guard. How was I supposed to rebut that?
We grew apart. I was gutted, too. How did he expect me to stay in a relationship that was one-sided?
Throwing him a pleading look, I ached at the sight of him boring those pained eyes. “That was different, River.”
“It’s not.”
“I don’t want to argue with you when you’re half-delirious.”
“Huh.” He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head before granting me those wounded eyes once more. “So, tell me, is the sex really that good with Kyle? ’Cause those screams, man … you sounded like you were getting murdered.”
“Stop!” How dare he go there when all I was trying to do was help him? “Don’t go there …” I whispered.
“I’m really curious. Can you blame me?” His jealousy was consuming him, and he didn’t even have the audacity to mask it.
I joined him on the white couch, taking a seat a few inches away from him. My eyes wouldn’t leave him, drinking him in, realizing that our love ruined us both. There was no escaping it. We were feeling the whiplash of our errors, and the only way forward was to keep on and not give up. We had to lead separate lives, and maybe in time, when we were both healed, maybe … just maybe, we could mend things again.
“You have nothing to say?” he pressed. He was holding it against me and wouldn’t let up until I gave him what he dreaded to hear.
“It’s just sex, River. You have it all the damn time.”
“This—you—it’s making me sick,” he confessed in the most heartbreaking manner. He looked like he couldn’t wrap his mind around my decisions and why I had to throw and vandalize something so delicately beautiful.
“You don’t mean that.” My voice quivered.
“I do. You’ll be my downfall, so please just walk away. We’ve said what we needed to say. So, go on. I’m not stopping you from moving on anymore. Just forget I ever happened to you these past months.”
His words shredded my heart, my soul. He was gutting me raw, draining the life out of me. River never spoke to me this way, and it was bewildering to hear him say it to my face.
“Can you wait for a little bit longer? I’ll go home after …” I came here to explain myself, but this somehow turned into something I couldn’t control.
“I’m moving out of LA. I’m going east for a bit until this all settles,” he stated in such a way that proved he was moving on with Hailey, away from me, away from the toxic hurt we inflicted on each other.
Licking my lips, I tried with difficulty not to cry. “But, why are you leaving?”
Pressing his temples, he let out a shaky breath before shutting his eyes as he rested his head against the cushion. “I just want to start over with my life. A fresh start without any reminders of the past. It’d be hard to do that here.”
I was living a hellish nightmare that didn’t seem to stop any time soon.
“But you can’t just up and leave. Do you even like New York? Isshemoving out there with you, too?”
“She offered to help, but I’m not sure yet.”
I was sure she did. Hailey was obsessed with him. I didn’t doubt it for a second that she would leave everything behind to be with him. Was that the kind of woman he liked? A stage five clinger?
“When do you leave?” I tried not to picture them moving into a condo, doing all sorts of domesticated things such as cooking together, grocery shopping.
FUCK. My heart couldn’t take it.
“Tomorrow night … The movers will come the day after tomorrow to finish the rest,” he stated with finality that rendered me speechless.
I remained silent, embroiled in turmoil and heartache, loss and regret. His move entailed a far greater meaning. He was giving me the middle finger. He wasn’t going to dwell on the past as I had done.
I should be happy. This was what I had wanted all along. Yet, that was further from the truth.
I didn’t want to get back with him, right?
Simmering in my own entangled web of emotions, I barely heard the knock on the door. It had to be Anton.