“I’m still in love with you; is that so hard understand?” he violently declared, eyes sparking fire, charging the air between us with tension that was almost suffocating. “I love you, Cara,” he stated again. And again.
I sort of laughed at his face with a bubbling hysteria threatening to break free. “That’s the most absurd thing I’ve ever heard.” Scoffing, I peered at him in disbelief. “You fucked your way around when you left. How can you claim to love me when you’ve bed hopped from bimbos to bombshells?” Though I had cut him out of my life, a sickening, sadistic side of me managed to follow every woman he had dated and been linked to since.
“You broke up with me.You leftwithout a word, without even a warning. I was devastated when you walked away. I didn’t see it coming … The women who came after that, I guess, was my way of coping.”
He had the gall. What a poor excuse for whoring around. If he had ever loved me as much as he claimed, he would have figured out a way to fight for me. Instead, he chose to console his penis.
“I’m sure it was,” I bitterly derided.
“Admit it, Cara; isn’t that exactly the same thing with what you’re doing with Parker Haynes?” he chided, like we were now even.
I wanted to gouge his eyes out.
“How dare you! Parker’s not like you. I made sure of that before giving in to him.”
“From what I gathered, your relationship has barely started. And basing from what I know of you in the past, it’ll take another year for you to give in, Cara … Or am I mistaken on that perception, too?”
This was an opportunity for me to prove just how much I wanted him to continue on the path he has been on for months on end, without me in it. “I amwithhim. And no, Parker didn’t need to wait a year to have me, because he’s everything that I’ve ever wanted.” It was a harmless white lie. River didn’t have to know every aspect of my relationship with Parker. It was none of his business.
River thought otherwise.
Horror, agony, mixed with disbelief crossed his befallen face. He looked as though I had physically injured him. And when my gaze fell, I saw his hand shake. I wasn’t sure if that was from anger or shock, but in all the years I had known him, I hadn’t seen him this shaken.
“Had you not run away, we’d be married today. We said two years, remember?” A faint smile formed on his lips before he bore those saddened eyes on me again. His eyes misted as he longingly searched my face. “All those promises … The vow you gave to me …” he whispered. “I have to hear it, Cara. I have to see it come out of your lips. You have to tell me you don’t love me anymore.”
That was supposed to be today? What luck. With steel determination, I spoke the words he demanded of me. “I’m not in love with you, River.”
Our eyes met. Green meeting his dark, impenetrable depths. Time stood still, absorbing each other, eyes mating, challenging.
“I don’t believe you,” he stated with certainty.
Sooner or later, he would realize that I meant each word.
“I wouldn’t have moved on if I did. You know me better than anyone.” There was no one in this world who knew me inside and out.
“We were best friends before we became lovers. Or is our friendship unsalvageable as well?”
His question took me aback.
“Friendship?” Aghast, I wasn’t sure if he was serious. “Why would you want that?”
“Because you’re the only family I have.”
We had once promised that we would always have each other. No matter what happened in the future, we were each other’s emergency person. I understood that our attachment had run deep, but for him to ask such a question after the tumultuous relationship we had, I wasn’t sure how to respond. Obviously, I hadn’t expected this.
“When you’re ready, I guess. I don’t want to pressure you right now.”
He wanted to be friends? That entailed letting him in my life again. Too much had happened. The water was well under the bridge for me, but not for him.
“I’m sorry for everything, Cara. I never meant to hurt you while seeking out my dream. Someday, I hope you can forgive me.” River took a step back. “I’m sorry, but I need a moment.”
Dumbstruck, I barely nodded while watching him walk away in a mad rush. Where did he go? Should I take my leave since our conversation wasn’t going anywhere?
Amidst contemplation, my curiosity got the best of me. There was no denying that this was out of my depth. He offered to salvage our friendship, but how did one rebuild that? It was like a coin; there were two sides, but it remained one. He was suggesting the impossible, yet for some reason, I wasn’t obliged to take my leave and walk away just yet.
The only source of light came from somewhere down the hallway. However, I’d had enough illumination to grasp my surroundings. His house had all the makings of warmth and security a true home should have. Earth tones, a lot of wood adorned with just the right balance of masculinity without overpowering it.
The heel of my stilettos echoed in my wake as I trailed farther into his home. From the living room, the doors opened toward the gardens. It was vast with the mountains in the back looming in the dark. To the left, there was a veranda with a fire pit blazing brightly. There he stood, deep in thought, staring blankly into its flames with a lit cigarette between finger and thumb.