Chapter Nineteen
Kyle was on his way to England, and Anton wasn’t around, so I was alone in my thoughts with no one to confide to about the demons that plagued me. Kyle knew everything about me and River. The moment I began sharing a little bit of my past with River, the floodgates opened and I couldn’t stop. And much to my surprise, Kyle encouraged me to dwell on my feelings. He had such a soothing way of drawing out your secrets, and since I had kept all those emotions bottled up, it felt as though I was relieving the viscous burden from my heart.
At one point, he even stated that if I could begin forgiving myself, maybe then I could toy with the idea of going back to River. It was madness really, coming from a man I was having sexual relations with, but that didn’t seem to hold him back from being honest with me. And I appreciated his insight greatly. He was a remarkable man, yet it seemed we would remain as thus because we were both in love with other people.
“Hey, I’m back.” Anton knocked on the door. “Are you sleeping?”
No, I wasn’t. What I was doing, though, was staring into space while my mind prominently dwelled on River and Hailey, and maybe cursing them both every once in a while. I was close to being mental; I could almost swear it.
“One second,” I hollered as I lugged my bedraggled self toward the door to let Anton in.
“Yo, um, River’s asleep on the couch? Are you two fighting or something?” he whispered as he entered the room. The second he found my disheveled state, he paused for a moment before reaching for my hand. “I know it’s none of my biz, but I can sense tension between you two and it’s not the sexual kind.”
What was the point? Anton had a sly way in trying to get the truth out of me. Might as well beat him to it.
“He knows about Kyle …” I blew out an exasperated breath before I sat on the bed and held on to a pillow like it was a lifesaver. “And … well, he just told me he’s about to date Hailey Mavis, the clingy stalker who wouldn’t leave him alone.”
He dramatically gasped before resting a hand over his heart. “But why when he’s so in love with you?”
Because for some odd reason River had an attachment to that abhorrent devious woman.
“I feel so insulted. I feel crazy, Anton. I know we’ve broken up, but fuck, why does it have to beher?” I was hysterical, but never in tears.
He placed his shopping bags on the floor before giving me a worrisome glance. “If it’s someone else it wouldn’t bother you as much?”
“Probably not.” It didn’t matter because he was seeking to properly validate his relationship with this woman now. I was sure Hailey would greatly appreciate the added bonus of non-stop promo for dating such a sought after, high profiled actor like River. It was how they both started. She garnered enough momentum, but not to the extent she had hoped. Though she was becoming quite the desperate woman in social media by baring her body and her daily ins and outs like her world revolved around everyone’s likes and approvals.
“Well, I don’t know River all that well, but guessing from his actions, the guy just wants to feel safe right now … and Hailey probably offers that. Like you said, he knows about Kyle so he’s probably fucked up inside.”
My dear friend had a valid argument …
“But why tell me? He knows I hate her.” Hate was too mild of a word to decipher what I felt toward Hailey. No, hate would be too kind, indeed.
Anton sighed before he sat at the edge of the bed, mirroring the same sullen expression as I was. “He’s probably hoping that it might make you run back to him, Cara. Have you considered that?”
“Like hell,” I spat. If this was his twisted way of trying to win me over, it was callously done.
It was a poor taste in a woman. By choosing her, River was ready to mar me, the past and everything else it represented. The very idea of seeing those two everywhere in the news again made me feel nauseous.
My heart constricted like someone was gripping the life out of it, while my stomach churned and burned. My sight became a blur while I tried to vanish the images that flashed in my mind.
“I can’t breathe,” I gasped as I clutched my robe. “My chest hurts really bad.”
“I think that’s what you call a heartbreak, babe.” Anton wrapped his arms around me. “Just breathe. That’s it…. Inhale … exhale … I got you. I’m here.”
I focused on his words, doing as he instructed, drawing air in and out of my lungs before a serious panic attack set in.
Breathe in … Breathe out …
“Cara?”
“Yes?”
“I understand now. I mean, about why you didn’t want to go back to him. I’ve never seen you like this. It pains me to admit it but if I found someone that could trigger this kind of havoc. I maybe won’t take a chance, too.”
His words cut deeply into me. I was almost brought to tears.
“I’ve worked so hard not to be so crippled again, but all he had to do was say her name and I’m back in hell again.”