“Everyone. My parents, the doctors, your therapist. Me.” I don’t bother to answer. Summer sighs but I can tell her earlier anger at me has dissipated and she’s feeling guilty. “Let me take your mind off things.”
“How?”
“I can tell you about my latest date.”
“Fine.”
I suppress a sigh as she instantly perks up and launches into giving me an elaborate blow-by-blow of getting ready for the date, including her fifteen possible outfit choices, her last minute change of plan which meant her makeup needed redoing, and how she was almost late because the shuttle into the bay was delayed.
Personally, I feel like her run down of the date could be a simple ‘we went to the cinema’ but nothing is ever simple with Summer.
I tune back in, and Summer is describing how fine the guys looked and what they had also chosen to wear and somehow I’ve managed to miss their names again.
“Do you like, ever have individual dates with them?” I ask, surprising both of us with my sudden, unexpected interest.
“Of course. We hang out all the time and do things as a couple, but I love being all together. It just feels right.”
“So when you’re with one of them do you feel like something is missing?”
“No. Never.”
“So why not just pick one?”
“It doesn’t work like that. I can’t just switch off my feelings for the others by picking one.”
“I don’t know how you have it in you to date five guys. I don’t even like five people, period. Let alone want to have sex with them.”
Summer laughs. “Want me to tell you how the sex works?”
“No!” My cheeks heat, and Summer laughs again, looping her arm through mine. I guess all’s forgiven now then.
“They’re really great guys, MT. I can’t wait for you to meet them. At first I thought it was just a stupid game they were playing, like a dare or a bet or something. But then…well, with everything that’s happened…”
“You mean me being crazy and having a breakdown,” I reply flatly.
“No. And you are not crazy, you just drive me crazy.” She smiles at me. “The guys were just really there for me while you were in hospital. They showed me that they care. That whatever this is, it’s more serious than I thought. They’ve been patient and supportive ever since you came back, and…I really do care for them, Malia. All of them. It would break my heart if they asked me to choose between them.”
“Have you told them that?”
“No.”
“You probably should.”
“I know.” She sighs and then knocks her shoulder into mine. “When did you get so wise as to be giving me relationship advice?”
“Eh, don’t listen to a thing I say. I’m crazy. The doctors have said so.”
Thankfully, Summer sees the funny side of my attempt at a joke and lets it slide that I used the C-word again. We still have a while before the ferry docks and we can disembark, so Summer regales me with more dating stories, thankfully keeping the sex talk to a minimum.
It’s not like I’m a virgin. I had sex one time. Sort of. Just thinking about it makes me want to shower and scrub my skin until it bleeds. Why anyone would willingly engage in that is beyond me. My therapist at the time, Shara, tried to make me realise that consent is a big thing, and that when the time comes and I give my consent, I’ll feel differently about the whole thing, but I just didn’t believe her. Still don’t, but I had to at least pretend to agree with her so that our sessions would stop. What child really understands what consent is anyway?
Once my parents found out the advice she was giving me, they had her struck off. I wonder what she does now.
“Are you listening, Malia?”
“Mmm-hmm,” I lie.
I’m not listening. I have that horrible feeling of being watched but when I look over my shoulder, I don’t see anyone.