I didn’t go to class. Not the day after the professor turned up in my dorm, or the rest of the week, or even now that a random cute blond guy has shown up claiming to have kissed me.
I don’t go to any of my classes. All of my other teachers were happy to give me online assignments and catch-up notes for the time I missed. I haven’t been able to bring myself to look at them though. I just don’t…care anymore. Deep down inside somewhere I know that that should be cause enough to make me freak out, but I just can’t summon the energy to care.
I can’t stop thinking about the professor. His words were harsh, but truthful. He lacked the malice he had before, and despite all of his insistences about not giving a shit, I feel like he does. Give a shit. About me, at least.
Or maybe that’s wishful thinking because no one else in my life besides Summer seems to.
And maybe that blond guy, Cove, wasn’t so random. When he texted me, his name came up on my phone. The only other number I have saved is Summer’s, which means that, even though I don’t remember him, for whatever reason he was important to me once.
Why don’t I remember him though? I pull out my small notebook and quickly scribble down my questions. Things I want to ask my therapist.
Yeah, I’m back in therapy. I thought moving so far away from my controlling perfection-seeking parents would get me out of therapy once and for all, but somehow Summer and the hospital managed to convince me it was a good idea to try again.
So I now have weekly online therapy sessions. I guess it could be worse.
A knock at my door startles me, and I reluctantly put down my notebook and pen. I’ve already filled several pages with notes and queries. Apprehension fills me as I crack open the door. Summer warned me that there was a murderer still on the loose around campus, and although there hasn’t been any more bodies found recently, girls are still disappearing without a trace apparently.
No one’s there. I squint down the hallway; deserted. Someone has made a delivery, though. A drop and dash.
I open the door a little wider so that I can crouch down and examine the package. It’s a traditional wicker picnic basket, and when I open it I discover a selection of drinks, popcorn, savoury snacks and chocolate. English chocolate. It makes me smile. I miss proper chocolate so much. Americans may do a lot of things better, but not chocolate. Or tea.
I smile because it’s such a sweet gesture. Cove must have done this.
Sure enough, as soon as I’ve brought the basket inside, my phone starts to ring. Maybe Cove really does care about me. “Malia-Tarni reminds me of Mai-Tai.” Maybe there was something there before. “I could show you the best surfing spots on the island.”
Or maybe I just want him to care about me because I can’t muster up enough energy to care about myself anymore.
I can’t leave my room.
It feels like a safe haven and a prison all at once. I long to go out but I tremble every time I touch the door handle. The only thing that alleviates my fear is taking the cocktail of pills that Summer brings me each day – but even then I don’t want to leave.
“You ready?” Cove’s voice cracks slightly as it comes through the speakerphone when I accept his video call. I huff. He wasn’t taking no for an answer, but as he returned with a goodie box full of cinema snacks and left without even making himself known or pushing to come in my room, I may be thawing a little towards him.
I guess I can humour him. The fact he actually did a drop and dash makes me like him a little bit. Opening the door to find no-one there but a basket full of treats is my idea of heaven. Not to mention some of my favourites were included, and I have no idea how he knew that.
I wish more people were like him. Thoughtful. Unintrusive.
It was kind of nice that he persevered with me though. I have no idea who he is, but he seems nice and he seems to like me. He said we kissed. Every time I think about that – him saying it, not the kiss itself which I don’t recall – my cheeks heat. I doubt it’s true, but I don’t know why anyone would lie about that. Especially Cove. He seems trustworthy from the limited interaction I’ve had with him. And why lie about kissing me when he could literally kiss any girl he liked, for real?
Ugh. I sound like an idiot, trying to reassure myself that he’s a nice guy because he has a pretty face and a winning smile. Would I feel the same if he looked like he fell out of a tree and hit every branch on his way down? Maybe. I like to think I’m not that shallow, and I’m pretty sure I could use some extra friends too. Regardless of what they look like.
Not that I was the life and soul of the party before, but now that I won’t leave the safety of my room, it’s only a matter of time before Summer ditches me for good. Who wants to spend time with someone who doesn’t want to go anywhere?
Maybe Cove can be a friend.
But he’ll get bored of me soon too.
My heart sinks and my good mood evaporates.
“Almost, I’m going to close the curtains to reduce the glare.”
“You’re watching on your laptop, right?”
“Yeah.”
“You’re missing out. This film needs to be seen on the big screen.”
“Wait, what? What are you watching on?” I ask.