CHAPTER5
Jenny
Idrive to the mall the next day still floating on the cloud that is Nick. I can't wait to see him again. My mind played back the events of the day before all night long, the possessive way he'd protected me from those jerkoffs, the fierce way he'd claimed me, the sweet way he'd talked to me afterward in the food court, hanging onto every word I said.
I frown when I realize I didn't learn too much about him. He'd kept the conversation mostly on me. I make up my mind that I'm going to remedy that today. Today, I'm going to learn more about my Saint Nick. I smile at the nickname. He's my very own sexy Santa. I never thought I'd be one of those girls who had a Santa fetish, but if that Santa is Nick, then sweet baby Jesus, do I ever love a man in a red suit.
I practically bounce into the mall and over to our booth, but Nick's not there. I grin to myself to think that I'm finally the one on time and he's the one running late.
When he finally does show up, it's one minute before the booth is set to open, and he's already completely outfitted in his Santa costume with the beard and cap on.
"Hi!" I chirp at him excitedly.
He hardly spares me a glance as he answers back gruffly. "Hey."
My smile falters. What the fuck?
"Nick, what's wrong?" I ask him, concerned.
He doesn’t spare me a glance this time. "Nothing," he says with his back turned.
He's lying. It's not nothing. He's done a complete one-eighty from the way he was last night. The Nick from the night before hadn't been able to keep his eyes or hands or lips off me.
This Nick can't bear to look at me.
Did I do something wrong? Did I do something to piss him off?
A feeling of hurt and humiliation washes over me when it hits me what's going on.
He's regretting what we did. He must have gone home and thought about how he didn't really want a girl who's so inexperienced. My cheeks burn. God, he must think I'm pathetic.
I want to crawl into a hole and die. I'm mortified. I consider just walking out of the mall and going home, but I see the children already lining up, and I'm torn. It wouldn’t be fair to abandon them when I've committed to seeing this through.
So, I do what I'm best at.
I plaster a plastic smile on my face and fake it, acting like I'm still bubbly and happy and everything's fine and nothing can hurt me.
Even though inside my heart is breaking.
* * *
Nick
This is killing me. I hate seeing her like this. She's putting on a mask to cover how she's really feeling, and I feel even worse when I know I'm the reason she's feeling the way she is.
What kind of asshole am I? I had the most beautiful girl in the world gracing me with the prettiest smile and excited to greet me, and I gruffly shot her down.
I mentally remind myself why I'm doing this, though.
Her father is right. I'll only drag her down with me. All Jenny has ever known is wealth and luxury. She might say she'll give it all up for me if she has to, but how will she feel when she's scraping by and struggling with a fuck-up like me?
If I really love her, I'll let her go—for her own good.
It's killing me that she thinks I'm a bastard, though, that she thinks I don't want her. I saw the truth in her eyes when I finally allowed myself to look into her emerald greens as she brought the first child up to me.
Since then, it's been her avoiding me, her studiously avoiding my gaze.
It's tearing me apart.