Without question.
Even when she didn’t want to.
When they were in their first year of college, their relationship changed from best friends to lovers and his world had flipped on its head. They both understood being together wouldn’t be easy. If they wanted to be together, they’d have to fight for it.
It was Chantell who’d convinced him to give them a chance. To not worry about what others thought or how they felt about their relationship. Back then, she’d been strong enough to take anything and fight any battle. Now, years later, her strength and commitment to him—to them—made him love her even more.
But after eight years of being together, even he could feel something changing inside her. He’d taken too long to fix this situation and now he was stuck between a rock and a hard place. The thought of asking her to take on anymore, to deal with more bullshit, made him sick to his stomach. He knew the time was coming when she’d begin to question his love for her. His commitment to their relationship. His ability to keep his promises.
Although she’d turned her face away from him when he’d arrived tonight, he’d seen the tears in her eyes. He’d be damned if he allowed her to leave him though. Not after all this time. They were too close to the endgame.
He’d watched the hurt grow in her eyes each time he prepared to leave each morning before the sun came up. It all boiled down to one question. The one he dreaded hearing each night, even though he knew there was no hiding from it.
If you love me as much as I love you, how can you keep me hidden away like I’m your dirty little secret?
Lately, each time she asked, his answer was simply inadequate. He knew the more he asked her to just give him time, the more reason she had to doubt his words. Doubt him. He’d been treading on thin ice for a while and tonight he feared it was going to break underneath him.
Two
Tanner
If he weren’t personally involved, he could see the irony in the situation. Their families accepted their friendship as children and often made jokes about how close the two of them were. At seven-years-old, he was proud as a peacock to have the six-year-old Chantell following behind him. His friends would ask why she was hanging around and he’d just shrug it off. They wanted to know why he allowed a girl to follow him around and play with them. After all, girls weren’t allowed.
Looking back now, Tanner knew if they’d pressed him about it, he wouldn’t have been able to answer the question. All he knew was that he wanted her with him. If his friends would have tried to make her leave, he would have left too. There was no other option. Where he went, Chantell went also.
He laughed as a memory popped into his mind. One day when they’d all been hanging around at the park, he’d seen Chantell crying alone by the swings. Since no one fessed up to what they’d done, he’d gone after every one of them. He was so angry that someone messed with his Chantell. He needed to make them pay for making her cry.
In his eight-year-old fury, he screamed words he didn’t realize he knew. All he knew at the time was that no one was going to ever hurt her. Seeing her tears had torn him up inside. He was her protector, and everyone needed to understand that one fact.
Something in his eyes that day must have told his friends Chantell’s presence was non-negotiable. After that day, they never asked about it again or tried to leave her behind. And she never cried again.
As the years passed, and their friendship grew stronger, the acceptance from his family slowly disintegrated. It started with sideways comments about dating the daughters of their friends. Girls who might fit in better with the family. Or when he was sixteen and his Dad suggested he was spending too much time with Chantell, and what if she wanted to date someone. How would it look if Tanner were constantly around? Yeah, that pissed him off so bad, he’d stormed out of the house and spent the rest of the day with Chantell. No one, not even his father, would get between him and Chantell.
Everything came to a head when he was eighteen and getting ready to head off to college. He’d made an off-hand comment to his parents that he couldn’t wait to marry Chantell after they finished college. He’d mindlessly talked about seeing her walk to him in the church and having a little girl that looked like her. It was something he and Chantell had discussed a million times. For them, it was a foregone conclusion.
Their lives, and futures, were connected.
His parents, on the other hand, had a very different reaction. They’d both stood still, their eyes going wide as he continued telling them about his future with Chantell. His dad was the first one to speak, making his feelings on interracial relationships known in very clear terms. In short, if Tanner were to even think about marrying “that black gal,” as his father called her, he’d be cut off from his family. No questions.
To say he was shocked would be an understatement.
“Tanner, you’ve taken this little childhood friendship a little too far,” his dad said through gritted teeth.
“Honey, you’re still young,” his mom interjected. “You’ve always hung out with Chantell, even when there were other girls interested.”
He didn’t understand the issue and told them so. “That’s because no other girl is as beautiful to me as she is. And it’s not just a childhood friendship, Dad. You know that.”
“I’ve had enough of this, Tanner. I’ve allowed you to play around because I thought you’d grow out of this. But now you’re talking marriage. Have you had sex with that girl? Because if you did, I’ll knock your damn teeth in. You need to leave her alone.” The anger in his dad’s voice shocked him and he took a step back.
“Honey,” his mom yelled. “That’s enough!”
He’d never heard his mother yell at his father like that. Tanner couldn’t believe the bullshit coming from his father’s mouth. Especially about Chantell. “Don’t ever talk about her that way again. She’s not like that.” And she wasn’t.
“Son,” his father looked at him with eyes filled with sorry to break it to you but they’re all like that.”
That was the day everything went to shit. His parents had plans for his future and they weren’t trying to hear his side. In their eyes, the life they envisioned for their only son didn’t involve him marrying a woman they’d already decided would never be accepted into their world. Black people were fine as friends or employees, and his father had several, but marrying one of them was something different.
Fuck them. Fuck anyone who tried to keep them apart.