“The breakup, you mean?”
“Yes. You were right, I should have reminded you that what we had was not permanent.” He’d convinced himself that telling her that one time was enough.
It had not been. Full. Stop.
“Maybe part of you wished it could be.”
“Maybe. I did not allow myself to entertain thoughts in that direction, but nor did I dwell on the inevitable end.”
She pushed against his chest and as much as he hated to, Konstantin had to let her get up. He was pleasantly surprised when she moved only as far as the seat beside him on the sofa.
“You said that you finally reneged on the contract when Princess Nataliya embarrassed you in the media.”
This was not something Konstantin wanted to talk about, but with Emma, he found himself willing to do what was not comfortable for him. In many ways.
“Yes, I did.” His brother had spun it for the media like Nikolai had swooped in and stolen Nataliya from under Konstantin’s nose.
But the truth was that Konstantin had played right into his sister-in-law’s hands and rejected her as a potential wife in front of their two families, all but negating the contract.
“It’s hard to accept that you were willing to break the contract you held as sacrosanct for the sake of your pride, but hadn’t been willing to do it so we could stay together.”
“I did not see it that way.” And would never have suspected she did.
Her mind was still a big mystery to him in so many ways and yet he felt like he knew her better than anyone else in his life and that she knew him more deeply than even his own family.
“How else could you see it?” she asked, like she really wanted him to answer. Like Emma, the amazing woman she was, was willing to listen.
“When we were together, I never even let myself consider breaking the contract and trying to build a future with you.”
“I’m not exactly princess material.”
“Technically as my wife, you would have the title of duchess until Nikolai decreed otherwise, but Emma, it had nothing to do with that.”
“What, then?”
“I’d made a promise. I had to keep it.”
“You broke it later.”
“I had changed, my perception of what I owed my family had changed.”
“What changed it?” Emma’s blue gaze demanded full honesty.
Konstantin could not deny her that, even if telling her things he’d never shared with anyone else left him feeling exposed. “At first, I thought it was losing my friend. Tiana was so young when she died, and her death made me reexamine my own life.”
“You said you went looking for me then,” Emma said, sounding thoughtful.
“I did, but you were gone and I was still stuck in the groove of believing that contract dictated my ultimate future.”
“But something changed.”
“Time changed me. Having sex with women that were not you changed me.” This was the hardest thing to admit. It showed her how much he needed her, and Konstantin did not like needing anyone. “It was empty and one day I had the lowering realization that was what marriage to Nataliya was going to be like. I’d had perfection and knew what it felt like to share something more than empty, fleeting pleasure with a woman.”
Emma gasped as if his words had shocked her to the core. “You didn’t see our time together that way.”
“I assure you, I did.”
“So, you’re trying to tell me that having sex with other women made you realize that what we’d had was special.”