She had no trouble believing her Prince genuinely wished things had gone differently. He already loved Mickey and Kon had missed out on almost five years of his life.
“You would have loved being a dad from day one, even I can see that,” Emma had no problem acknowledging.
“You and Mishka are the only ones who matter.”
But Kon was wrong about that. “I should have given him more family.”
“What?” he asked, sounding genuinely shocked. “Emma, you are an amazing mom.”
“I let my own insecurities stop me from providing my son with what he needed,” she admitted with shame. “That’s not amazing. That’s cowardly.”
“No.” Kon jerked his head in a negative motion, his expression filled with denial. “If there is a woman who is less a coward, I do not know her.”
The tears fell then. Because Emma knew he was wrong. Unable to speak, she just shook her head.
Kon made a sound like his patient understanding had lost the fight with his need to act, and then he was picking her up.
She gasped her shock, but it came out choked with her tears.
His expression grim, Kon asked, “Your room, or mine?”
Even if she knew why he was asking, she couldn’t have answered. Emma was too busy having a meltdown. She never cried. Never. She meditated. She did yoga. Emma did not lose it, emotionally, but right now? She was definitely losing it.
And instead of running in the other direction like a smart man would have, Kon was throwing himself into it like he could stand between her and her own emotional pain.
“Mine, then,” he said, decisively. “It has been soundproofed. Mishka will not hear you crying.”
Emma didn’t ask why the master bedroom was soundproofed, only grateful that her son would not be woken by the sobs she didn’t seem able to stifle.
Kon carried her into his room toward a butter yellow leather sofa near the tall windows. They overlooked the gorgeous pool area the three of them had spent time in after lunch. She’d been laughing and full of a sense of freedom, not being Mickey’s only caretaker then, not the blubbering mess she was now.
Emma wouldn’t have blamed him if he dumped her on the sofa and retreated, but Kon sat down without letting her go, settling Emma in his lap.
And she let him.
His arms were steady bands around her, his solid chest right there for her to rest her head against. “Tell me what is going through your mind to upset you so much,” he insisted.
“Don’t you see?” she implored him. “I was afraid to let anyone in and because of that, Mickey didn’t have the people in his life he needed.”
“I don’t understand.” Kon’s brows drew together in a frown of confusion.
“He had no grandparents, no aunts and uncles.”
Kon’s gorgeous features were cast with guilt, showing just who he thought was at fault. Him. “But that was not your fault.”
But it wasn’t entirely his either. Emma had her own burden of guilt she was just coming face-to-face with. “I could have built a family for him. Mrs. Jensen wanted to be my friend but I wouldn’t even call her by her first name. It was Claire. I never used it. Not once. She needed a friend too.”
But Emma had been too raw with loss to make friends with her employer. Later, she’d built walls around her heart she hadn’t even realized were there.
“Because the people you had trusted with your heart crushed it.” Kon’s expression was as if light had dawned over the horizon to illuminate and turn dark, impenetrable shapes into something recognizable. “Your parents, me... We let you down so badly you didn’t trust anyone else.”
“And hurt my son in the process.” She gulped in air, trying to control the tears. “I thought I’d got it together. That I hadn’t let myself become that cynical, broken soul. But all the time I was so proud of my inner peace, I was that woman and I kept everyone who could have given Mickey a sense of security at a distance.”
“Mishka had you. He was safe. He was loved.”
“But he was worried!” She pressed her fist against Kon’s chest. “I should have dated Mr. Leeds. Mickey adores him.”
“No, he’s not the right man for you,” Kon slotted in with speed. “He’s too young for you. You have nothing in common with him.”