Ouch.
A little over an hour later, the judge announces tomorrow will be the last day of proceedings, dismisses us all, and leaves by way of a side door.
One more day.
Just one more day of this shit, this cloud that’s been hanging over our heads for months, then I can go home, whip out my fat girl pants, and simply hibernate until Bean arrives.
As a group, we walk outside into the almost darkness. Cold wind whips my hair around and sends shivers right down to my toes until Jon steps up and rubs my arms to create friction. “How you doing, Sissy?”
My teeth chatter with the cold. “All good. I’m ready for bed.”
“Do you want a lift home?”
“No, it’s okay. I drove myself this morning.” My words are sayingI’m out,but my actions have me leaning into his embrace.
I love my big brother.
Bobby steps down the last of the stairs with his arm over Kit’s shoulders. “We’re going home. Anyone wanna come over? We’re getting pizza and watching movies.”
Jon and Aiden nod yes, but Jim stammers and looks away awkwardly. We all know where he’s going tonight. “Ah, no…” He kicks the toes of his shoes against invisible dust on the sidewalk. “I have something else to do tonight.”
Yeah, her name’s Belle.
With a disapproving frown, Bobby turns away from his little brother. “Sissy? Come chill with the cool kids.”
“Nah, I’m going home. I need to go to bed.”
“We can come to yours,” Kit suggests hopefully. “Girl’s night. I can paint your toenails, since you can’t reach anymore.”
“No.” Nobody wants a pity date. Least of all me. “Seriously. I just wanna go home. I’ll stuff some peanut butter in my mouth, then I’m falling into bed. The baby has me waking loads to pee, so I’m tired.” Mostly the truth.
Turning away before they push it, I take the car keys from my bag. “Seriously, I’m going home to flick my bra off. That’s what would make me happy right now.” I step past Jimmy and keep moving before he can say a word. I don’t want to hear a thing. I especially don’t want to hear about his date.
Hunching my body in defense against the biting cold, I grunt when Bean squeezes me tight. Like a belt cinching in too tight, I grit my teeth and keep walking. I don’t stop until I reach my little car, and when the belt loosens, I climb in and cruise home.
For half a second, I consider stopping to buy chocolatey treats, but then I realize I might see Belle at the store. No way will I not tear her face off if I see her. She knows he’s mine. She’s known since I told her to back the hell up on the first day of high school.
But what’s worse than seeing Belle right now?Notseeing Belle. Because if she’s not at the store, then she’ll be at home slutting herself up for the man that was supposed to bemyforever.
Pulling up into my driveway with the attitude that would out-anger a grizzly bear, I pull my handbrake up and glance around the deep darkness surrounding my yard. Tall trees shadow the yard and tease me with spots of moonlight. The porch light is off; because I forgot to turn it on in my haste to escape this morning before Jim turned up.
Eerie tingles run down my spine at the familiarity of this moment; winter, the snow is coming, the wind bites my skin. Almost a year ago to the day, Kit was attacked in the gym parking lot.
They can’t hurt us anymore. Obviously. They’re securely behind bars right now, but still, the moving trees give me the heebie-jeebies.
Climbing out of my car, I lean back in to grab my bag and grunt at the brand-new belt squeezing me tight. Jesus, crap, that hurts. And I still have a month to go until Bean’s due. A month of this will be torture.
Sucking in a sharp breath and bracing against the car, I wait the belt-of-pain out and lock down the tears that threaten to spill over. As soon as the pain recedes, I snatch my bag and practically sprint into my house.
Like they’d hurt less as long as I was inside.
Flicking on every light I pass to combat the scary darkness, I head straight to the kitchen.
Juice. Give me juice and my life will be okay.
“Oooh, ow, ow, ow, ow.” I whimper and lean my elbows against the counter. Pain bites with sharp little teeth along my ribs. My back aches. My vagina aches. I should’ve gone to those damn Lamaze classes my obstetrician recommended.
I didn’t go. I didn’t want to be single and alone and stupid among bunches of happy parents.