“Afemalefriend,” Nix adds.
“Dress up in jeans that fit you. Leave your apartment for once–”
“I leave my apa–”
“And go somewhereotherthan here or work,” he finishes. “Do something with your day that’s just for you.” My brother takes my hand and squeezes. “Live, Abby. That’s the whole point, right?”
Live.
My heart picks up into a gentle gallop at the very thought of living. Of doing something purely selfish and for me.
It’s such a foreign thought, really, because I’ve existed under this umbrella of survival for so long, I’ve done everything I could to make my family happy, to make them comfortable, and to ease their worry. My business is the only thing I’ve done, the only choice I’ve ever made that was purely selfish.
Would it be crazy to continue on this ride that Spencer seems so insistent on taking? It would be fast, reckless, probably dangerous, and surely, it would hurt my soul in the long run. I can’t give myself to someone as casual as he. He’s the guy who admits to being with a taken woman, to taking her right from her man without even considering it a bad decision. He admits to liking women who are a little… looser with their morals.
He admits to being bad for me, but in the same breath, he declares me his, and my innocence his to take.
It would be crazy, and I know eventually it would hurt, because I form connections, I latch onto hearts and hold on, because I can’t be so casual with love. I know that, no matter how crass and mean he is, if I give him that piece of my soul, I’ll forever love him, even if it’s just as the man I first went to bed with. I’ll forever romanticize him, because he promised to be gentle the first time. But when he eventually brushes me off – and he will, he doesn’t make a secret of the fact he’s come to conquer – and then moves on, I know his dismissal will hurt.
But I still sit between my brothers, and consider taking the chance.
That’s the point of living, right?
My handbag sits on the side table across the room, but my ringtone has been set up for work and private. Both are urgent for me, both demand I answer, but one makes me run – if my brothers are calling, I almost always run to answer – but if it’s work, I don’t panic quite as much.
Right now, my ringtone says work, and though my major function is now behind me, and my next wedding isn’t for another month, I still unfold my legs and stand with a grunt, to my brothers’ eyerolls andI told you soglares.
They act like being a workaholic is out of character for my family. They act like the hours I put in every week are unachievable for most regular folks, but they’re the ones who work twelve and twenty-four-hour shifts. They’re the ones who work nights and run toward danger.
I work a lot of hours, but I enjoy every single one of them, and I’d hardly call playing with flowers a hardship.
Reaching the table before the call rings out, I dig a hand into my bag and fish out my flashing cell. I frown at the name that greets me, but then I answer and lean against the table.
“Jessica?”
“Hi, Abigail! This is actually Laine, Jessie’s sister.”
“Um.” I know my face flames red from memories of her walking in on Spence and I at the wedding reception. I turn away from my brothers and face the wall to hide my blush. Why her? Why did she have to walk in? “Hello. How are you?”
“I’m fine. I’m great, actually. I’m on a very special mission to reach out to you.”
“Uh, okay… Is everything okay?”
“Mmhmm. I mean, there’s this little thing that happened today. It’s kind of a big deal, and I was given orders to tell you about it.”
Put me out of my misery. I beg you!
“What thing happened today?”
I swear I canhearLaine’s teasing smile.
“I became an aunt. Twice!”
“The babies are here?” I swing around with a grin that takes up my whole face. My humiliation is forgotten, the warmth in my cheeks is now because of happiness, and not because I’m thinking of Spencer Serrano. “Oh my freakin’ gosh!”
Mitch and Nix watch me curiously, then Mitch turns to our brother with a lifted brow. “She saidfreakin’.”
“It’s the drugs,” Nix murmurs. “Bad influences everywhere.”