“The woman that pulled out of your driveway when I pulled in. She had really pretty hair and big breasts. What’s her name?”
I swallow my nerves, and study her profile when she turns to face my place. “Her name is Ashley Bates.”
“Okay…” Blowing out a deep breath, she nods and brings her hand down again to switch on the ignition. “Thank you for telling me. But I have to go now.”
“No.” I jump forward and catch her hand before she turns the keys. I crouch down beside her, which makes us eye-to-eye and on the same level, and use my left hand to draw her face around. “Don’t leave, Abigail. I’ve waited so long for you to come back.”
“I can’t compete with that, Spencer.” She pulls her hand from mine and jerks a thumb over her shoulder. “I don’twantto compete with that, because it would send me insane. Every time you gave me your cheesy lines, I’d wonder if you meant it for her.”
“Cheesy lines?” I narrow my eyes. “I don’t do cheese, Abigail.”
“You called me beautiful! And now I know whatshelooks like, so every time I think of you and smile, I’ll compare myself to her, and know you meant it as a joke.”
My eyes widen when I realize she’s completely serious. “A joke? You think this is a fucking joke to me?”
“Obviously! And it annoys me that I thought for two seconds that I could stack up. I don’t have the breasts. I don’t have the hair. I didn’t see her butt, but I bet it’s amazing.”
“If you think you’re so fucking inferior to her, then why did I just send her away?”
“I don’t know! Because you finished having sex already?”
She’s being irrational, and it’s both adorable and horrible.
“I did not know you were coming here today. I’ve been asking for a week, but every day, your answer was no, so I had no clue today would be different. But when she turned up here, I sent her away anyway. That’s not an act. That’s not me trying to impress you. I had no fucking clue you were coming! Yes, Ashley and I have had sex in the past–”
“Oh god.” She turns away and squeezes her eyes shut. “Don’t say that.”
“It hurts you to know that I was with her. That means something, Abigail. It means you care about me. I can’t change what I did in my past. I did what I did. But she turned up here just now with tight jeans that hug her ass. Tits hanging out, panties practically already peeled away. It would have been easy, string-free, guilt-free, pressure-free sex, and we wouldn’t have had to tell a soul because you and I aren’t together. But I sent her away anyway, because I can only seeyou. You wanna compete? Then let’s compete, but you ain’t gonna lose. She offered sex, but I saw you. She would have given me anything I wanted. I still saw you! She has blonde hair, big fuckin’ deal. Yours looks like fire, and I’ll be fucked if I don’t see it every time I close my eyes. You’re terrified to give up your innocence, and that’s okay. I respect your choices, but before you, I didn’t respect shit. As far as I’m concerned, there are absolutely no promises of me ever being with you that way, but I still sent her away!”
I lean in closer and take hold of her jeaned knee. “I’d rather spend the night texting you and ignoring the ache in my balls, than an hour with her, feeling like I sold my soul for a single orgasm.”
“Spencer…”
“If I wanna come, I’ll use my hand. If there’s any chance at all you wanna spend more time with me, I’ll use my hand and only tease you a little bit.”
“Spencer, stop…”
“I get that you’re scared of this. I get it’s a huge fucking deal for you. But it’s a huge deal for me too. I don’t do…” I jab a hand between us and bite off my words. “I don’t dothis. I don’t do nice girls and non-cussing.”
“You still cuss.”
“I know! But I’m trying really fucking hard not to. I don’t do virgins, I don’t do the waiting. I’m an instant gratification kinda guy. I’m not trying to sound like a prick, but I have a fucking smorgasbord of options, but I can’t stop seeingyou. There’s no competition! There’s just you standing in my fucking way. You’re trying to move, but I keep putting you back.”
“This speech doesn’t inspire confidence.” She rolls her forehead along the steering wheel and groans. “I was only thinking about the one woman, but knowing you have a buffet…”
“I don’t want them, Priss. That’s just the thing. The option is there, it will always be there, but I want you. Even if that means no sex.”
“No sex ever?” She turns to me, though her head remains attached to the steering wheel. “Never again for the rest of your life?”
“I mean…” My heart stutters and stops. “I would hope that eventually you might trust me to try more.”
“But is it a deal-breaker? If I said there’s no chance, not one single chance for the rest of our lives?” Her eyes bore into mine. “Could you really live with that? You wouldn’t eventually get over this taboo thing you’re feeling simply because I said no, and go back to your buffet?”
I pull in a long breath and consider her words. “I think maybe you’re asking too much. You’re asking me to look too far into the future.”
My words hurt her, which brings the shutters down over her eyes. “You can’t do it.”
“No, that’s not what I’m saying. I’m saying that… well…” I bring a hand up to scratch the back of my neck. “I’m saying that when a man and a woman hook up for fun, they do their thing and go. But when that same man, who’s so used to easy and convenient, and who has never known commitment, is asked about commitment, he doesn’t know how to answer. I’m saying that I’ve never looked at a woman and thought she’d be cool to keep around for more than a night. Jay and Kane and the other guys, they didn’t know that life either, but the right girl came along for them, and shit changed. I’m saying that my shit is changing, but I’m choosing not to give you promises I have no clue about. I’m saying I would rather hang out with you tonight andnothave sex, than hang out with her and ruin whatever thin scrap of hope you and I might have had. I don’t know what it means, Priss. Fuck knows I don’t need a high-maintenance princess stinking up my space, but it would seem I’d like to try.”