He basically said it’s your fault he was hurt. If he wasn’t distracted by your drama, he might’ve paid more attention that night. Things might’ve gone differently…
* * *
Five whole daysafter his homecoming, when the snow is falling and sticking, and the Christmas lights are going up all around us, Riley’s door cracks open and Ninja bolts the hall the way she always does. She goes right to the laundry room and straight into the litter box, while Riley – who normally waits by the door for her to come back – steps into the hallway and sends my heart into a wild staccato.
I’m wearing his sweatpants again – I’m not sorry – and an old sweatshirt I stole from Lindsi’s closet when I realized I’d need more clothes than I packed. Pulling the sleeves over my hands, I hide the pencil I was using to sketch with, slowly flip my notebook over to my roses and thorns sketch, then pick up my tepid mug of cocoa that I meant to drink an hour ago.
Snow, Christmas lights, and a fireplace; they were made for drinking cocoa and drawing.
“You’re still here.” Grunting, he crutches his way into the living room and shoots me a pitying glare. Like he feels sorry for me. Like he’s the school jock, and I’m the nerd that just asked him out to prom. He’s embarrassedforme. “Go away, Andrea. I’m all better now.”
“No.” Pulling my legs tighter against my body, I sip my cocoa and hide the tremor in my voice. “I’m sticking.”
“You’re stinking up my house with your inability to take a fucking hint. Christmas is a week away; it’s time for you to go back to your family.”
“No. But we have that appointment with your surgeon tomorrow. It’s time to take your staples out. And then your prosthesis appointment is on Monday. Wanna go Christmas tree shopping with me after that?”
“No.” He stops at the fridge and swings it open. “You’re not invited to my appointments. Any of them.” Reaching in, he grabs a pink swirl cupcake and takes a messy bite. Crumbs fall to the floor I mopped only a few hours ago, and his teeth glisten with rainbow icing. “I don’t want you here anymore, so unless you wanna step forward with next month’s mortgage, you should fuckin’ skedaddle.”
“Why are you so mean?” So much for my cool indifference. I set my mug down with a loud plonk and stand. “Why are you mean to me? We were getting along! We laughed, I made you an Andi special, we joked about sugar growing your leg back. What did I do that flipped everything?”
“You won’t listen;that’swhat you did.” He tosses the paper cupcake casing onto the counter and spreads more crumbs. Shoving the rest into his mouth, he chews like a cow and balances on his crutches. “You won’t leave when I ask. You wouldn’t stay before, so youstickingnow doesn’t interest me.” Moving forward when Ninja pops her head out of the hallway, he nods as though she summoned him back to the room. “I’d like for you to do as you’re told. If there is just one time in your life, make it tonight. Go away, and never come back. I. Don’t. Want. You.”
He moves along the hall without a backwards glance, much smoother on his crutches than he was earlier this week. He never tells me how he’s feeling; if he’s in pain, if he’s taking his pills the way he’s supposed to, if he’s hungry or thirsty. He just lives in silence, and if he’s in pain, he suffers in silence, too.
When the bedroom door slams shut and Nacho’s scared snorts make me jump, I lower back to the couch and curl up. I haven’t cried in a few days, but I let the tears come tonight.