She watches me with fear. She doesn’t know me anymore. She doesn’t knowanyoneanymore.
Slowly lowering to my knees, I come down to her level and study her for a moment. “Hey, Ninja. You doing okay?” I slide my hand over Riley’s jeans and try not to focus on the feel ofhisdenim beneath my fingers. Grief settles deep in my heart, like Riley died, like we’re here settling his estate, cleaning the house for sale, and preparing to delete him from this world.
He’s alive. He’ll live a long life after this, and yet, it still feels like I’m in the middle of saying goodbye to the man I knew.
The man that’ll come home in a few days won’t be the Riley from before.
“Ninja.” Too late, I realize I should’ve brought treats for her, something other than a lame ‘hey, kitty kitty’ to tempt her out. “Come on, sweet girl. Come out now. What do you want me to do? Do I take you to a vet?” I lean further into the closet, but she pulls away. “Are you hungry?”
In answer, she lets out a quiet meow that verges on a whimper.
“You want something to eat? Come on. Please come out.” I reach in to stroke her ear, but she won’t let me close enough to touch. She shrinks back into the closet, then mewls when she crushes her sore tail between her body and the wall. Pulling back when I catch the sound of Nacho’s tinkling collar in the hall, I sit back on my haunches and pat my knee when she stops. “Nacho?” I pat my leg again. “In here, Nacho.”
Her toesclip, clip, clipon the hardwood floors, then mute when she steps onto carpet and follows my voice. Pausing at the closet doorway, she peeks around the corner to make sure it’s just me and not scary men that might frighten her. Satisfied, she trots in with what I swear is a grin on her face and a wiggle to her step.
Cramming herself between me and the closet, she plops onto her butt and meets Ninja’s eyes as if to ask what the hell’s going on.
“Ah… okay. Nacho, meet Ninja. Ninja, meet Nacho. You have to be nice to each other, or I’ll get mad. I can’t deal with you guys fighting on top of everything else.” Letting out a huff of breath, I blow the hair from my eyes and run a hand over my cheek.
I need a damn shower; I feel like I’ve bathed in cat shit all day. I need lunch; I haven’t eaten since a cheese muffin and coffee at the airport this morning. Then I need to go to dinner with my nephew and pretend like everything is okay so he and Livi don’t take on extra grief.
“What am I gonna do with you tonight, Ninja?” I scratch Nacho’s ear and study the scared cat. “What do I do…?”