1
Laine
Time To Sleep
Everyone’s so happy.
So settled, content, and unbelievably happy.
Jessie, my eleven minutes older twin sister, is with Kane, and never in all our lives have I seen her smile so much. For months, her companionship was the only I allowed to intrude on my grief, because she was in pain, too. She was mourning a death just as surely as I was, and you know what they say about misery…
But now Kane’s back, and his reemergence into her life freed her from that thread of companionship I so desperately clung to.
I love my family. I especially love my sister. Best friends since the womb, her smiles these days are the only rays of sunshine that peek into my dead heart.
But it’s not enough anymore.
My brother is with Kari, and finally,finallytheir love is public. They spent years in the proverbial closet, but now they’re out and practically married.
I seem to have discovered a disturbing trend in my family; Jess hid her relationship with Kane, and I spent the last two years hiding away with Graham.
But what Graham and I had was different.
What Jess has with Kane, and what Luc has with Kari… they have the pure kind of love. The good kind that makes your heart beat faster and helps your soul flourish.
But mine… mine was black and poisonous. It was dark and horrible.
Graham and I hid, not because I wanted him all to myself, but because I was ashamed. I was too ashamed to let my family in, for fear they would see what I’d become.
I was ashamed, because I’d become weak and stupid.
Spineless and brainless.
But worst of all, I’d become a sneak and a liar. I became a pro at hiding his damage; the bruises, the pain, the trauma. I lied to my family for two years straight, and every time they extended a hand with a promise to help me, I learned to lie better, to laugh it off and call them silly.
I don’t recognize this version of me; the abused woman that spent two years with a man that would beat her just because he enjoyed it.
A man that sold her to anyone with a fist full of cash and a minicam.
A man that stole me away from my loving family and kept me hidden.
Now my family hate me. They hate that I deserted them, that I chose a man over them, that I didn’t tell them my truths.
I’m broken.
I’m dirty.
I’m disgusting.
“Come back to me, Lainie.” Graham’s smooth voice slides through my cellphone. “Come home. I promise it won’t happen again. We got carried away, but I promise I’ll be better. For you, I’ll become a better man.” He sniffles. “I can’t live without you, Lainie. Please come home.”
“Graham…” My voice cracks. Pathetically, I’m just the weak shell of a woman who once lived. I was the crazy sister, the ballsy one who’d stand up to two-hundred-and fifty-pound fighters to save my friend a little heartache.
I could go toe-to-toe withanyonewithout fear, but now, I’m scared of my own shadow. I’m scared to look my family in the eye. I’m scared that I’ll always need five showers a day to get the stench of Graham and Infernos Club off my skin.
Most of all, I’m scared that Graham will win me back. That I’m so weak minded, so broken, that I’ll tell him yes, rather than follow through with my plans.
“Lainie?” His soft cry fractures my heart. “Please come back to me. I still have all your things. We can delete the photos and stuff, and I promise I won’t ever take you back there.”