“I’m back, Jessie. I promise I’m back.”
“Your eyes! I saw your fucking eyes, Kane! Why won’t you leave me alone? Why can’t I stop hurting?”
“You saw Jay’s eyes.” He pulls my face up and presses noisy kisses to my forehead. “Jay saved you. Not me.”
“No! You did.” Struggling to catch my breath, I press my face to his chest. “It was you. Your eyes. I know your eyes because I’m in love with them. They were yours.”
“I love you, Jess. I love you with my whole heart. I promise I’m back. This isn’t a dream, this is real, and I promise to help you heal now. I promise to make it better.”
“It can’t get better! It can’t, because you died and you’ve been gone. I smiled today for the first time since you left, and now you’re punishing me. The universe won’t let me be happy.”
“Not punish, baby. Never ever. I’m here to love you. I had to go away. I had to finish what I was doing, and I had to make it safe for you. Jay saved you, baby. My little brother did what I couldn’t. I was with Abel, and you needed help. He was so sick and sad, but he came back and he helped me. Then Cap pulled me in. There were investigations, and Jay’s memorial. I had to work, to make sure Abel’s shit was fully dismantled, because if it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be safe. But it’s all done now. Hey.” He drags my eyes up, and finally, I look at the man in front of me.
Heavy jeans. Combat boots. A faded lime green shirt with an old Indian motorbike on the front. His chest, so broad and strong. Way broader than Eric’s. Way broader than I remember. The tattoos that I studied during our time together with as much intensity as I’ve studied for my degree. The eagle on his throat, so free and proud. Then his jaw. Strong and square. His nose, bent a little bit.
His eyes… alive. Watchful.
Then that wrinkle in his brow. That single wrinkle that’s ruined me for life.
“Oh my God.” I bury my face against his chest. He smells like him. He smells like my heartbreak. “No. It hurts.”
“Come on.” Picking me up the way he did in the alleyway – my arms around his neck, my legs around his hips, his hands under my ass – the familiarity only worsens my pain as he carries me out of the diner and toward a new truck. Different to the one he had before.
Opening the door one handed, he tosses my bag in, then helps me slide along the smooth leather bench seat. Instead of putting me in the passenger side, he puts me in the driver’s side and helps me scooch across. Climbing in beside me, he pulls me back against his side and starts up the rumbling truck.
Like my life is on repeat, I’m sucked back into the vacuum, the truck, the freeway, his strong hand massaging the back of my neck, his nose constantly dropping to the top of my head like he missed me even half as much as I missed him. The pine trees lining the long and windy road. The ‘welcome to town’ sign. Street lights. Street signs. He doesn’t take me to his apartment like last time. Instead, he takes me to a residential street. A typical middle-class family home with little daisies in the garden and a rusting white mailbox.
The truck switches off. The door opens. He pulls me into his arms. Just one single set of steps to get to the front door, then a single flight to get to the bedrooms.
He carries me up and gently lays me on the same bedspread I lay on forever ago. Kicking his boots off, then taking my heels, he stops and stares at them. At the red bottoms.
Lifting a daring brow, the wrinkle in his forehead pops. “Louboutin.Really, Blondie? I know how much these cost.”
“They were a gift.”
“Mmhm.”
Unsnapping his belt, he pulls it from his jeans and makes sure to pass it to me so my teeth marks appear right beside my thumb. Still in my fog of disbelief, I allow him to unsnap my jeans and tug them down my legs. He brings me up to sit on my butt, then pulls my top over my head and drags the elastic from my hair.
Pulling the cover down the bed the way he did so long ago, he picks me up when we’re both wearing nothing but our underwear, and tucking me into the scoop of his body, he strokes my scarred ribs and kisses the back of my neck.
This isn’t such a bad dream anymore.
It’s better than a lot of others I’ve had.
“I promise I’m here, Jess. I promise I love you, and I’ll never leave you again. I swear I won’t. I’m gonna get a different job. A safe job with one of your friends. I’m gonna stay with you forever.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“I’ll prove it. If you’ll have me, I’ll stay forever.”
“I’m still dreaming, and I’m so mad this is a dream.” Tears slide over the bridge of my nose and dribble onto my pillow. He has two pillows, and that’s wrong. My dream is inconsistent with reality. “It’s a good dream, and I hate it for not being real.”
“Are you still mine, Jessie? Do you still love me?”
I clamp my lips shut and nod.
“You didn’t thinkgood riddancewhen I went away?”
I shake my head.
“I came back for you, Jess. I’ll always come back for you.”