Sunshine laughs from her belly, head tossed back, her smile wider than I’ve ever seen before.
“Mrs. Paget is eighty-two, has fourteen kids, three times as many grandkids, and more great-grandkids than she can count.”
I can only shake my head with this news. “Really?”
“Really,” Sunshine confirms. “She has a constant stream of visitors.”
Knowing her family visits so often should make me happy for her, but it brings on a wave of sadness.
“Uh-uh,” Sunshine mutters, chastisement clear in her tone. “Don’t go feeling sorry for her. She refuses to live with any of them. It’s a sore subject for many in her family. She’s happy to see them, but even happier when they go home. I think that’s why she lies. The woman is tired and wants some peace and quiet. She says she can’t get that with everyone fussing over her.”
Sunshine pats my leg before she walks away.
The life Mrs. Paget spoke of was one I thought I wanted for so long, but the truth of her history makes me sad because I’m left feeling like that’s something that I want as well. I’m not desperate for fourteen kids because that’s just a little insane, but maybe I do want a family, a group of people around me that I can love unconditionally and be loved in return.
It makes me hate Spade even more because he’s the only man I can picture when I’m struck with those thoughts.
I hate him for ruining me, for somehow destroying the way I see my future. He’ll never be in it, and deep down I know that’s why I walk back into the care facility worse off than before I entered the gardens.
By the time I drive home, I’m more confused and upset than I was before.
Time ticks by, each second wasted by my own inaction.
Only I don’t know what to do because every single scenario I’ve run through my mind ends up with me still alone.
I need him to want me.
I need him to be the one to show up one day and tell me that he can’t live without me.
I just… need him.
I won’t open myself up for heartbreak. I’ve suffered enough, but I do know that if Spade ever showed up on my doorstep, I’d tie the man up and never let him leave again.
Chapter 38
Spade
“When?” Legend asks as Max pulls information up on the large screen at the front of the conference room.
“March eighteenth,” Kincaid confirms. “She was on vacation with her parents for spring break.”
“I fucking hate spring break,” Thumper grumbles.
A round of agreement fills the room.
“We’re getting an early jump on this, so we’re hopeful we can still find her alive,” Kincaid continues.
“A lot can happen in four fucking days,” I mutter.
Kincaid nods in agreement, but then continues, “We’re still waiting for a little more information.”
Several of us shift in our seats. We’re all well aware that a mission’s success is contingent on getting the most up-to-date information, but waiting, knowing someone is out there, is hard on every one of us.
Kincaid continues to give us all the information we have which becomes clear very quickly isn’t enough to mobilize our teams. Sometimes we have meetings like this, preparing for a job, but never get the go-ahead to move forward. Sometimes the woman escapes. Sometimes it’s discovered that she didn’t survive the traffickers. Sometimes she ends up lost in the machine we spend our lives trying to break.
As we’re dismissed, I pray this isn’t one of those cases. We want to find every single person. We want to put an end to the pain people inflict on others. Although we know that’s an impossible task, we will continue to fight with every breath until we’re replaced by the next generation of men willing to go the extra mile.
“Spade,” Kincaid says as I begin to follow the others out of the conference room. “A minute of your time?”