Chapter Nine: Rekindle The Fire
Chalk
Wow. The rest of the hospital visit turned into a blur, and the hollow words from Angie echoed in my mind without sinking in. The woman I once loved was back in my life, and she was front and center in Holbeck. I wanted to be angry, but when I saw her, the spark was back in her hazel eyes. She chased her dreams and was back on track in life.
I was distracted now to say the least. It was as if Lucy and I had been wrapped up in this bubble together and it was just me and her talking. Deeper. More meaningful. All the pressures and all the resentment that dogged me from having to take care of so much lifted when I saw her.
She left our conversation in a hurry, while I was still processing my shock.
“What was that about?” Angie asked as we walked to the patient’s room.
“Ah, that is my child’s mother, Lucinda. She was sick for a long time and now she’s back. It’s – ah, interesting.” Angie was the last person I wanted to discuss this with really. Hell, I didn’t know what to tell her anyway. As we walked down the corridor I wondered if it was because my heart was still attached to Lucy.
“Yikes. That’s why she was acting all weird,” Angie said dismissively without any regard.
“Yeah, I guess.” I kept my answer vague, as I didn’t want to discuss it. I wanted to keep my thoughts private until I sorted out how I really felt about it. The whole hospital visit was me tagging along with Angie, and after the meeting with Lucy, I didn’t register much of the visit.
By the time I got back home, my head was in a tailspin. I had to sit down until I collected all the fragments of my scattered thoughts. At one time, I was head over heels in love with Lucy. We had a great chemistry. She wanted to be a nurse and I offered several times to help her through school. Then she started to have issues. But they got worse after she gave birth our daughter. At first, I thought it was that stage women went through after having a baby. This was what her doctor had said at the time.
Then she got medication and seemed fine for a long while. But it didn’t last. Finally, in the end, she went back to live with her parents. After a time, she seemed more and more like herself over the phone but we remained strangers really, as we couldn’t even think about or talk about any future together.
Sarah poked out her little stomach, standing with her hands on her hips. “Dad, you’re putting holes in the carpet!” She giggled.
I hadn’t even noticed I was picking at the floor restlessly. “I know. I’m just a little tired, but I’ll be okay. Don’t worry.” I ruffled her hair and tried to have a normal conversation with her about her school day. The conversation was the same as when I tried to talk to Angie. I remained distracted, and her voice sounded as if it was muffled.
She tried to get me to sit down with her and watch a show, but I was still moving around and didn’t sleep much that night. My life had just changed in a flash. Memories of us together swamped my brain. I couldn’t make them stop. I remembered her smile and her laugh mostly. Maybe it was selective memory as during the last stretch of time we had together, there were no smiles or laughter between us.
In the morning, I summoned the courage to call Lucy. I called her early because I wanted to catch her before she started her shift.
I ate my piece of toast and called her on my cell phone. “Hi, it’s Chalk. I know it’s early, but I thought you might be on early shift at the hospital. I wanted to see when you’re free…” I was torn. I didn’t want Sarah getting her hopes up about her mother, only for her to be let down again. Damn though,she looked good. Like the woman I knew all those years ago.
“I’m free this weekend. Does that work for you both? Don’t worry about calling early. I’m up at six these days,” she said, chuckling.
I paused at the sound, it was the same as in my dreams the night before. I shook it off. “Wow, you are? You’re doing so well. What made the difference? You were so… sick,” I ventured, not wanting to make it seem like she was incapable. My skepticism was high though after all these years.
The easy sigh on the other end of the line let me know she was in a good place.
“Being by the sea, the doctors out there. Being with my parents. All of it contributed I think. I rested and slept a lot. I feel like I slept my life away actually. I’m so happy to have my energy back and be doing what I wanted to do all along. It won’t happen again,” she claimed confidently.
“Happy to hear,” I said hesitantly. I didn’t know yet if she was telling me the truth. “How about we go for a picnic or something like that? Something outside?”
“Perfect. Sounds good.”
The rest of the week – only two days – were agonizing for me. I decided to leave it as a surprise for Sarah. If I told her early, she would have been buzzing and not able to concentrate at school. I knew my daughter.
When the day finally arrived and Lucy stood at my door, my heart almost went into shutdown mode and I had to shake myself into speaking, “Uh – um, hi. I see you’ve got some things there.” I sounded insecure and lacking confidence, but that wasn’t me. Most of the time I was an easy-going guy, but Lucy made me nervous. I felt like some teen in front of my crush. I kept mentally kicking myself. This is the woman you had a kid with. Get it together.
Her hair hung in soft dark waves around her face. Dressed casually in an olive green ribbed t-shirt, jeans and cute sandals. Her face lit up with a devastating smile.
I simply did nothing but stare. Damn, she was so beautiful, a little older but even better looking than she had been. She had filled out too. None of that skinny look was left. She was stunning really. I felt a slight shove from behind my hip.
“Dad, who’s at the door!” Sarah asked.
Little hands pressed into my back, pushing me forward. I had to laugh and dig them out of my back. “Well, it’s part of the surprise I have—” I didn’t get far; she shoved my leg out of the way.
With a gasp, Sarah jumped forward with excitement. “Mom! I can’t believe it. You’re here.” Sarah ran at her mother like a bullet train and wrapped her arms around her mother’s waist.
I heard the sniffling, so I assumed she was crying.