“Hi Mommy! I’m about to go play! What are you doing?”
“I’m about to go out to the beach as well for some fresh air. Are you going to play on the monkey bars?”
“Yep! I’m so good on them. I can get all the way to the end. Jessica falls off all the time.”
I noticed Sarah had this bossy boots tone, and if I was there I would’ve wanted to teach her the value of human compassion, kindness and helping your friends. “Honey, you should help your friend up if she can’t make it to the end. If you fell off wouldn’t you want someone to help you up?” I asked her.
“Yesss,” she sang back to me coyly. “I guess I didn’t think of it like that.”
“Something to think about. It’s great you can make it to the end. I wish I was there with you to swing. I used to be good at the monkey bars when I was a kid too. Would you like it if I came there?”
“Are you coming here? Come here Mommy, come here!”
“Shh. I will soon. Have fun at the park and I love you.”
“Love you too, Mommy. Kisses. Mwah!”
“Mwah!” I kissed her back through the phone and she hung up. I wanted to wrap things up with Chalk, but the dial tone went dead…. like our love.
The Holbeck hospital rang me in the afternoon, confirming the pieces of the puzzle, next steps and start dates.
Relief washed over me like the rising tide of the Californian Ocean I loved so much. Holbeck didn’t have the beach, so it would be a struggle to find a place where I could rest my mind. Although I did remember they had a wharf near the casino. I opened up my closet and dropped down to find one of my smaller suitcases at the bottom of the closet. How do I begin this? As I folded some of my clothes off their plastic hangers a beautiful memory came to me.
“You wanna become a nurse? That makes a lotta sense to me. You’re a nurturing person, you care more about other people than yourself. I think you’ll be great at it.” Chalk knew the right words to say to keep me on track. He encouraged when the doubts crept in on the long study nights.
“You think so? I’ve always wanted to be one.”
“I’ve always known you can do it. I believe in you.”
We missed the boat and life broke the raft we’d built with the remaining strands of our seemingly perfect life.My hands shifted over one of my favorite sweaters that was coming with me. I wondered who was loving Chalk now? Did he have someone? I guessed he did, he was a catch. My mind shifted to another moment.
“You’re running a temperature and you’re burning up.” Chalk soaked the washcloth in the little basin and put it over the top of my forehead to cool me down, but I wouldn’t cool down. The cups of tea, changing sheets, him aging before my eyes. I knew it wore him out, but he held it all inside and he wouldn’t tell me about it.
I looked down at my hands, realizing I’d balled the sweater up too many times. Flustered, I unravelled it and folded it into a neat square, packing it into the suitcase.
Time to say goodbye to California. We’d had our time together and now Mississippi was calling me back to its arms. I felt so anxious about the reception I would get.