“Listen to me Anastasia,” I ordered her. “It wasn’t your fault. That man was exploiting you. He would have tried and tried until he succeeded.”
“Maybe.”
I took her lips into a gentle kiss, giving her the comfort she earlier gave me. She was so different than anyone I ever knew. She was teaching me so much more than she realized.
“There is something I never told anyone, not even Nikolai and Sergei,” I started. It was only fair I gave her the same trust she gave me. Her eyes locked on my gaze, and she waited. “We often didn’t get fed in the orphanage.” Her palm brushed against my cheek and it was a comfort I was denied all my life. And she gave me so much of it already, after she endured so much pain herself. I soaked everything and anything she would give me and with each second, my heart melted. “There was a bakery a few blocks away, and all three of us learned pretty early how to steal and get food. We didn’t get food for two days and Sergei was sick so Nikolai stayed behind to watch him. Being vulnerable in the orphanage meant being taken advantage of. Anyhow, I snuck out of the orphanage and headed for the bakery. When I got there, I couldn’t believe my luck. The bakery was unlocked and nobody was in there. I rushed to grab as much food as I could carry to last us a few days. I was so hungry my mouth watered as I grabbed each piece.”
“I’m so sorry,” her voice was a soft velvet; leaning over she showered my cheek with kisses. She was offering her love and kindness. Greedily, like a selfish man I was, I took it all.
“Just as I was getting ready to leave, the man that owned the bakery came back. But instead of getting mad, he said I could take it all with me. If I let him strip me naked and touch me.” Her sharp inhale was the only sound next to the crackling of fire. “I was so hungry, and so were Nikolai and Sergei. We had no idea when we’d get our next meal. My eyes roamed the bakery, scanning all the food and utensils. I agreed, and the gleam in his eyes made me sick. He eagerly went into the back room, and as I followed him, I grabbed a pair of scissors. As soon as I entered the room, I stabbed him in the back with them. Over and over again. As he was gurgling on his blood, I washed myself off, grabbed bags and filled them with more food. He died on the floor while I packed my bags. I was eight.”
“Jesus.” I wasn’t sure if that was a good Jesus or bad Jesus.
“I felt no remorse for what I’d done that day.” I didn’t want to lie to her. “Or any day since. I’ve done a lot of bad shit, Anastasia. They don’t call me the Russian Sinner for nothing.”
Her eyes lingered on me for a heartbeat and then her arms embraced me. I pulled her closer to me, her familiar scent of lilies calming me.
“Dimitry, he deserved to die. What he tried to do is despicable; taking advantage of a vulnerable child.” She gently placed her lips against my cheek and murmured against my skin. “You endured a lot of shit. All I care about right now is the man in front of me. I think you are too harsh on yourself.”
“You wouldn’t like all the things I’ve done.” The small, decent part of me gave her an out. “I told you we were part of a crime organization. But it wasn’t just a little petty crime group. Everyone feared it. When I was thirteen, I joined a rússkaya máfiya in Moscow. It was a bad, dangerous organization. And I pulled Nikolai and Sergei along into it. We have seen things that were done and couldn’t always prevent them from happening. It makes us just as guilty.”
“Did you ever hurt or kill an innocent?”
“No.”
“Okay then. You acted in survival mode and self-defense.” I couldn’t believe her rationale.
Anastasia was my light and my salvation.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Anastasia
My heart ached for the little boy who was so hungry he had to resort to stealing and killing to get some food. How many children were hungry, abandoned like that? I was lucky to have wonderful parents and family that loved me and protected me. Even in my circles, I could find evidence of cruel parents. I grew up seeing it firsthand with Olivia and Oliver.
I got the sense Dimitry has been the protector from a very young age, sheltering Nikolai and Sergei. Without a doubt, I knew he took care of them and felt responsible for them. I couldn’t stop touching Dimitry. I wanted to offer him the comfort he was so cruelly denied.
But it wasn't only that; his warmth and his touch were quickly becoming an absolute need. He had so many scars inside and out but I didn’t care. They made him even more beautiful.
I admired his chest; the tattoos that covered so many scars. There was one tattoo that my eyes kept coming back to. It was right over his heart. I felt like it had a meaning; the outline was almost of an actual heart organ and wrapped in roses.
“Dimitry, what is this tattoo?” My fingers lightly traced the ink.
“It’s a sacred heart.” I leaned closer and now that he said that, I could see it. It was beautiful in a raw kind of way, just like its owner. I loved it. I recalled seeing a similar one on Sergei when I examined him. “Sergei and Nikolai have it too. It was our reminder to never hurt the innocent and hold on to our fragile piece of humanity. Although Sergei broke that rule when he kidnapped you.”
Pressing my lips lightly on his tattoo, I raised my eyes to him, this beautiful sinner who thought he was undeserving. “Dimitry?”
“Yes?”
“Don’t take this the wrong way,” he barely stiffened and I would have missed it if I wasn’t watching him so closely. “I think I’m falling in love with you.”
I had no clue what possessed me to say it so openly. Something about him made me want to give him everything I had. He had taken me by storm, and if I was honest, I should have told him I fell for him already. I loved everything about him, the rough edges, the ruthlessness, and the softness buried deep inside.
His hand wrapped around my neck, pulling my face close to his, barely an inch from his.
“Milaya,” his voice was rough and low, “I will never be able to let you go. Because I’ve already fallen for you.”
Surprised by that admission, his words caused my sharp inhale. Then my heart followed by skipping a beat; warmth spread through my chest. I closed the distance between us and our lips met. We still had so many ghosts from the past that haunted us but with our newly formed bond, it felt like our first true kiss. His tongue brushed over my lips, and a sigh left me. Pressing my body closer to him, I wrapped my arms tightly around him.