Baptist goes quiet. I can only guess at what it must feel like watching a piece of your childhood get ripped away and turned into something you despise. There’s nothing from my own childhood that I miss, and only bad memories haunt me now, that empty room, those long, quiet days alone in the darkness, the hum of the air conditioning unit outside the blacked-out window.
I take a beat to digest. Cars roll past. Baptist leans up against a light pole and crosses his arms, still not looking at me. He doesn’t think I’ll understand, but there’s a part of me that knows what it’s like to have something good and watch it turn to shit.
“You wanted revenge,” I say and he nods once, still not turning over. “You wanted to hurt them. It wasn’t about Marie.”
“She could’ve been anyone. I had no clue you’d get involved with her.” He glances over and sighs. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry.”
“You should’ve told me from the start.”
“That’s not what we do.”
I smile slightly. He seems startled, but doesn’t comment on it. “I would’ve done the same thing in your position.”
“Which means you’re not angry with me?”
I shake my head slowly. “I’m fucking furious, Baptist. I’m furious with you and with the Crawfords. I’m furious with Marie for not listening to me and I’m furious with myself. I have so much damn fury inside of me that I don’t know what to do with it.”
He studies me, softening slightly, and pushes off the light pole. “You’re serious, huh? This girl’s really making you feel something? I’ve got to admit, in all the years I’ve known you, I never thought I’d see the day. I gave up on you turning into a real human being.”
“It’s not like that. I’m not becoming like—” I hesitate, jaw working. “I’m still not normal. But there are new sensations I’ve never known before and I’m struggling to define myself in relation to them.”
“I wish I could help.”
“You can.” I step closer to him. “Find Marie. Bring her back. Make her understand that what happened was your doing and yours alone, that I wasn’t involved. She’s convinced I knew about it.”
“Ah, shit. I can see that.”
“She doesn’t know about our arrangement.”
“Any guesses on where she went?”
“Her apartment. Back to her father’s place. Check with Bella Baby, she might know. Do whatever you have to, but find her and make her understand.”
“I will. I owe you that much.” He hesitates, glancing back toward the bar. “What are you going to do about William and Magnus?”
“I haven’t decided yet. I might kill William and run with Marie to a non-extradition country.”
“That probably won’t go over well.”
“I’ll come up with a backup plan.”
He laughs softly and I turn away. I’m still seething but I’m holding myself back. Baptist is my best friend, but I can’t blame him for not realizing the depths of my feelings for Marie. He never meant to hurt me and did try to keep me out of this situation from the start. As much as I want to take this rage out on him, he’s not my enemy.
The Crawford family is, and I wasn’t joking when I said I might kill William.
If that’s what it’ll take to end this, then I’m willing to get blood on my hands.
Chapter 25
Marie
My old bedroom is just like I left it.
The early morning sunlight slants through the windows. As soon as I got home last night, I came in here, got under the covers, and fell into a dark, dreamless sleep. That’s the only comfort I have right now, quiet and darkness.
I feel sick and exhausted and like the sunlight is trying to burrow under my skin and burn me from the inside out. Everything hurts, everything’s awful, and I don’t want to roll out of bed and face the day.
Dad didn’t bother me when I showed up last night. He’s smart enough to give me space, at least for a little while until I’ve figured out what I’m going to do. I feel wounded and I need time to start healing before I face the mess of my life and let him start untangling all the threads.
Dad will do it gleefully. He’ll tell me exactly what to do and say and if I follow all his advice, I just might walk away from this with minimal scars and a future ahead of me. It’ll be a future prescribed and controlled by my family and the Crawfords, but it’ll be something at least.
Or I can refuse everything and stay in this bed forever.
That’s not really feasible. With a sigh, I sit up and grab my phone. There are a few missed calls and a text from Bella Baby that makes my heart start racing: Baptist is here looking for you. MARIE! What do I tell him?