I let that sink in and the truth of what she’s saying is like a punch to the nose. Of course Ansell knows. He knows everything all the time, especially whatever his best friend is doing. My eyes water and I’m going to cry, and I quickly have to start drinking to short-circuit my tears. Otherwise, I’m going to sit at this bar and sob my brains out, but that won’t fix anything and it’ll only heap more embarrassment on top of this already awful moment.
Baby thinks Ansell was involved with tailing William and sending those emails. Whether directly or indirectly through Baptist, he knew what was happening from the start, and the implications are terrifying.
That explains so much.
I feel totally numb all over as I start to see how the bigger picture fits together.
That’s why he was willing to step up for me. That’s why he pulled William away that first night and why he relentlessly protects me.
He wanted all this to happen.
I don’t know why or what his ultimate game is going to be, but he manipulated this situation to his benefit, and it’s a terrifying prospect.
Who is Ansell, really?
“I don’t understand,” I say, shaking my head rapidly. “Why would Ansell do it? What does he have to gain from all this?”
“I can guess a whole lot if you want but I don’t really know. Ansell and his type are always playing a bunch of different games. It’s possible you were just… collateral damage. Or maybe you were what he thinks of as fun. Honestly, Marie, the ultra-rich are like different creatures.”
I nearly gag as I pull from her and clutch my wine. I finish the glass and motion for another from the bartender. Once I get my refill, I down half of it again, head spinning. How could I be collateral damage? How could I be just some game? Baptist sent me those emails on purpose. He baited me into wanting to know more. Oh my god, I was getting the messages while I was pitching in front of Ansell. Did he know it was happening the whole time? Was he watching my face, waiting for my reactions and secretly enjoying it the whole time?
Ansell’s at the center of this and I feel sick.
I think of his hand in mine. His comfort on the elevator ride down from Eric’s office. The way he looked at me, kissed me, touched me. The worship in his voice and in his eyes. Is the Ice King stuff even real? Can he feel this whole time, or is he some sort of psychopath, unable to care about humans beyond himself?
“I feel like I’m part of some sick game. This is really freaking me out, Baby. I’m starting to spiral.”
“I’m sorry, I really am. God, I hate myself for doing this, but you need to know what I found, right?”
“I’m not mad at you, Baby. You’ve been a really good friend to me. It’s just like… God, if there’s a way for me to get lower, life will find a way to toss on dirt and make sure I’m buried.”
“Don’t freak out completely just yet. I found the files in Baptist’s drive but, I don’t know, maybe someone else sent the email?”
I give her a look. “Now you’re just saying whatever you think I want to hear.”
She sighs and nods. “All right, guilty. I hate how sad you look, it’s breaking my heart.”
“I thought I had something good.” I talk quietly, clutching the glass between both hands, elbows on the bar. “Pride’s gone, Ansell’s been lying to me, or at least Baptist is involved in all this more than I thought, and now I feel like whatever silver lining I might’ve had is being torn to shreds. I’m tumbling, Baby. I’m drowning. And there’s really nothing else I can do, because I think I trusted the wrong man.”
The idea is horrifying: did I have it wrong this whole time?
“Oh, Marie.” She leans against my shoulder and hugs me against her. “I love you, sweetie. Whatever you need, I’m there for you, okay? If you wanna come stay with me for a few days or whatever, I want you to be comfortable. I know you’ve been living with Ansell.”
“He’s protecting me. That’s what he says, anyway.” I laugh bitterly, so disgusted with myself. “He says he cares. Can you imagine Ansell Drake caring about anything?”
The words sound false and disgusting now. It’s like all the joy and excitement I felt over this burgeoning relationship is crumbling to ash.
He’s protecting me from him. That’s the worst part. He was tailing William and he took those photographs, and I’m betting he did it to embarrass and hurt the Crawford family for some business reason I haven’t noticed yet. Maybe I’m just collateral damage.
It’s all been a lie. He’s been manipulating me from the very start. This whole Ice King bullshit, his feelings, his emotions, they’re fake. He’s been fucking me and using me and lying to me, and I could’ve found out the truth if I’d just gone to the Crawfords and talked to them. I bet they know Baptist sent the emails and that Ansell was involved. I’m sure they’d be happy to tell me all about it.