“I didn’t think I would.” I sighed, closing my eyes. “The longer I was out on the streets, the further away I felt.”
“But you came back, and that’s all that matters.”
“Maybe. But I didn’t come back the same.”
I could almost feel her thinking beside me. “You didn’t lose yourself.”
Frowning, I glanced over at her. Sienna gazed back at me seriously. “What?”
“I know you struggle with this…darkness inside. I have, too, sometimes. But you didn’t lose yourself to it. You being here with me right now, proves that. And you did it all on your own.”
“Not entirely.” The corners of my lips twitched. “I’m not a good person, Sienna.”
“Neither am I.”
“Well, one of us needs to be,” I told her pointedly, glancing at the smooth planes of her stomach again. “There’s a reason I gave you everything. Why I left you in charge. You have more of a grip on yourself than I’ve ever had. Then I probably ever will.”
She frowned, her fingers stopping the slow circles she’d been drawing on my chest. “You’re not a monster. I know you think you are, but you’re not. It’s…complicated.”
I didn’t have the heart to correct her. She might have heard of everything I’ve done over the last couple of weeks, but that was different than actually seeing it. Sienna didn’t feel the power and adrenaline that came with watching a soul leave the body of those who wronged me. She hadn’t seen me lose control until my prey was just a bloody mess at my feet. They deserved it. I know they did. But I had a sinking feeling that I would have enjoyed it just as much if they didn’t.
That was the monster my father had tried to beat into me. That was what I’d been hiding from her this whole time. Because if she knew the truth, she wouldn’t be saying this. She wouldn’t be here. Sienna was different. Even if she’d grown up training to kill, to take over for her father, I’d seen her family. I’d seen the love there, even if it was brief. Her father had been nothing like mine when it came to raising his children. But she didn’t know any of that.
I let her think what she wanted to. It was better that way. My fingers trailed through her hair as her breaths evened out. I could feel the gentle rising and falling of her chest as she slowly fell asleep in my arms. She felt safe here, and I didn’t want her to feel any differently. Even if she was wrong.
Sienna thought I was fighting back. That I was trying to be my own person. But there was a reason I was still keeping the monster on its leash. I needed it. I needed it to take down the Snake and anyone else who would ever threaten my family again.
And there might never be a time when I would willingly let it go.
10
SIENNA
The cold space beside me in bed was what woke me the next morning. Rolling over, my hands searched for the warmth I’d been curled against all night. Instead, they found rumpled bed sheets. Frowning, I opened my eyes, jolting awake when it fully hit me that Dante wasn’t where he was supposed to be.
I tossed the covers back, flashbacks of the last time he’d left running through my mind. Hurrying out into the small living room, I found Dante and David sitting at the kitchen table, glaring at each other.
David was already dressed in a crisp white button-up and black slacks. A gold watch flashed at his wrist whenever he brought the cup of coffee to his lips. His blond hair had been slicked back at the top, the sides shaved. Dante, on the other hand, hadn’t bothered to dress. He was shirtless, dark gray sweatpants hanging low on his hips as he cradled his own cup in his hands. I tried not to let my gaze wander over the tense muscles coiled along his shoulders or the grooves that dipped along his back.
“What did I miss?” I asked, trying not to let the relief show on my face. It was ridiculous for me to even think that Dante would run again. If he did, that was his choice, and I couldn’t control it.
“Turns out we do know each other,” Dante muttered.
David just looked amused. “Dante thought he’d recognized my name but couldn’t figure out how he knew me.” He turned back to Dante. “So, you really were the one to take out that Irish weapons dealer?”
“He shorted my father,” Dante growled. “And that mark would have been a hell of a lot easier if you hadn’t interfered.”
“Technically, you shouldn’t have been killing that man anyway. He had a warrant out for his arrest.”
Dante snorted. “A lot of good those warrants do, right chief?”
David didn’t rise to the bait. I ignored both of them, holding back an eye roll as I poured what was left of the coffee before drowning it in milk and sugar. It was too early to compare sizes this morning.
“If you’re both done being immature, can we please get to work?” I set my mug on the table, sliding into the empty chair between them.
We tensed as a knock sounded at the door. Both men glanced toward me before David slipped a gun from the holster at his side. Dante glared at the weapon, probably pissed that he hadn’t thought to keep one down here. I half-turned in the chair, just making out a large shadow through the warped glass of the door.
“Hello?”