Loki opens the door, and Jax doesn’t even attempt to pry me off as he somehow manoeuvres us into the vehicle, keeping me on his lap as he settles into the seat. I nuzzle back into his neck, my shivers getting worse, and I try to take some of his warmth into me.
“She’s in shock,” I hear him rumble against me. “Grab a can of Nos from my bag, Loki,” Jax continues, and I hear the rustle and slide of a zipper from next to me. The sound of a ring pull is next, followed by the hiss of a fizzy drink.
“Here you go, baby,” Loki coos, and I lift my head enough to see him holding out an orange can, with the word ‘NOS’ on the side. “Drink some of this.”
He holds it to my lips, which is a good thing as my hand is shaking too much to even think of holding it without the drink spilling all over us. Tilting it ever so slightly, I part my lips as fizzy, sweet mango fills my mouth. Swallowing slowly, I drink, pulling away when I’ve had enough. I do feel better, and my shaking has quietened down to a slight tremble now.
“Good girl,” Jax soothes, his hand stroking down my back as I snuggle back into him, letting his scent of warm lemon mixed with fresh sweat calm me further. My eyelids droop, the adrenaline leaving my body exhausted, and Jax’s touch and the motion of the car soothing me to sleep as I give into the darkness, welcoming it like an old friend.
CHAPTERTWENTY-TWO
LILLY
Iwake up as Jax carries me into our dorm, and for a moment, I just relish being held in his strong arms, his sweet, lemony scent washing over me in a comforting whisper. Ice fills my veins as the memory of what happened today at the paintballing centre rushes over me.
“I can walk, Jax,” I tell him softly, placing my hand on his pec. His heart thuds underneath my touch, and there’s tension in his muscles as his arms tighten around me. “Please.”
He heaves a sigh but gently lets my legs down until I’m standing on my own two feet.
“What did he say to you, Princess?” Ash asks, standing in front of me, his tone gentle and not the demand that I expected to hear from him. Kai and Loki are on either side of him, all with matching looks of concern on their faces, eyebrows drawn and foreheads wrinkled.
Shame heats my cheeks. My skin feels too tight, and my hands are clammy as I wrap my arms around myself in a tight hug, stepping away from Jax, his hands falling from my waist where they had come to rest.
“I need a shower,” I tell them, swallowing hard and unable to meet any of them in the eye.
“What did he tell you, Pretty Girl?” Loki asks, and he takes a step towards me.
Tears blur my vision, and a lump forms in my throat that’s so big I don’t know how to swallow past it. How can I tell them that I came, that I climaxed over Adrian’s fingers? That my body enjoyed his intrusion, even if my mind was absent?
I shrink further into myself, my head dropping to my chest as the wetness overspills and traces down my cheeks.
“Adrian—” I begin, clearing my throat and feeling the vibrations as my body trembles. “Julian told me that I orgasmed for Adrian. That I came all over his fingers, a–and that he watched it all. M–masturbated over the footage.”
There’s a ringing in my ears, and lights dance in front of my eyes as the words leave my lips. Warmth is at my back suddenly, the lemon scent of Jax mixing with the spicy ginger of Ash at my front, followed by Kai’s fresh, woodsy musk on one side and Loki’s vanilla-cocoa perfume on the other. They surround me, grounding me and comforting me with their presence, lending me their strength.
A hand grasps my chin, bringing my teary gaze up to meet swirling, grey eyes.
“You have nothing to be ashamed of, my love,” Ash tells me, his voice as fierce as I’ve ever heard it. “We do not blame you for your body’s reactions.”
A sob tears through my chest, more tears flowing at his words. He knew my deepest fear, that they would somehow reject me for this. Stupid, really, as I know our bond is stronger than that. I turn my head to the side as fingers trace over Ash’s touch. Loki’s emerald gaze is full of fire and conviction.
“You are not to blame, beautiful,” he tells me, and another breath catches in my throat as I realise that he’s talking from experience. His time with Clarissa and what she did evident in his assurance.
More fingers turn my face to the other side, Kai’s kind, amber eyes full of pain and hurt for what I’ve been through.
“It was not your fault,” he whispers, and another sob rips through me, this shared trauma we have cutting me to the quick.
Large hands wrap around my throat from behind, tilting my head a little so that I am looking, once again, at Ash as Jax murmurs in my ear.
“We will never stop loving you, Baby Girl,” Jax tells me, his fingers grazing my pulse point. “That dead man cunt does not own any part of you. Julian does not own any part of you. We do. We own all of you, just like you own all of us, and that will never change, precious.”
I shiver as one hand leaves my throat, tracing a path to the zip at the back of my dress.
“And you’re going to give each of us an orgasm to prove that, aren’t you, Baby Girl?” His voice is louder this time, and I see Ash raise a brow while feeling Kai and Loki stiffening either side of me.
A whimper passes my suddenly dry lips, my shame transferring to raging desire. Jax clearly realising that I need to get rid of this taint that Adrian and Julian have left behind.
“Yes,” I whisper, my hands coming up to the zip in Ash’s devil onesie and pulling it down as Jax pulls down my own zipper. Ash keeps one eyebrow arched, but he doesn’t stop me, letting me push the garment off his muscled arms and revealing his inked-up torso. Gods, this man is too beautiful for words, all dark swirls of ink and hard lines.