“They're so…” I’m actually at a loss as to how to describe it to Kai, who's lived with privilege his whole life, why this is so wrong. He's never had to go without, or not put the heating on because it costs too much. It's not his fault, I guess, it's just the world he grew up in. Doesn't make it any less fucked.
“Never mind, Kai. It doesn't matter.” I sigh and start to catch up with him. He puts a slender hand on my arm, stopping me once I reach him.
“No, Lilly. It does matter,” he urges seriously, locking his honey brown gaze with mine. I take a deep breath, trying to figure out a way to explain what I know inherently.
“These cars...they're…” I bite my lip then think,fuck it!“They're everything that's wrong with this world,” I rush out, causing his eyebrows to raise.
He remains silent, waiting for me to explain further. I've noticed that about him in my short time here. He’s the quiet one of the group and I bet he gets overlooked for it, but he's always watching. Observing and taking in all the minute details round him.
“Growing up with Mum,” my voice hitches, the pain of losing her still raw, like an open wound that just won't heal. It’s as if thinking about her, talking about her reopens it, like her death has only just happened, even though it was almost nine months ago now.
I take a deep, steadying breath, letting the birdsong and other sounds filter in until my mind stills and I’m able to talk again.
“She did everything she could for me, to provide for us. She worked long hours at the club, late at night to put food on the table and clothes on my back. We were okay moneywise, we could afford nice things and shopping sprees. The odd spa day too.” I remember, smiling fondly at the memory. “But I had friends who weren't as comfortable as us. Who thought we were well off. And this,” I say, gesturing round us at all the shiny metal. “This is obscene! These cars are worth more than most people earn in a year. And they're owned by, what, eighteen year olds?!” My voice is a little raised with anger threaded through it as I think about how unfair it all is. “Tell me how it's right, how it's okay for some people to work so fucking hard all for a pittance when you lot don't have to lift a finger, yet can own a car worth the cost of an expensive house?” I stare straight into his eyes, pleading with him to give me answers. His hand drops from my arm, and I instantly miss the small comfort it gave.
“I...I...I don't know. I'm sorry, Lilly,” he stutters, his gaze dropping and head bowing as if in shame. “I guess...it's not fair. And this world is...hard for most of us, just in different ways,” he says, turning away, but not before I can see genuine pain in his eyes.
Suddenly, I feel like an arsehole. It's not his fault his family are rich one-percenters. And he’s right, we all have our crosses to bear, regardless of how much we have in the bank. This time, I reach out and touch his arm, ducking my head a little trying to capture his gaze.
“Hey. I know it's not your fault, Kai. And I'm sorry for being such a prick about it all. Can we forget I said anything, please?” His lips tilt upwards, and fireflies start to dance in my stomach.
“You are not a ‘prick,’” he declares, and I huff out a laugh at his use of the word. “Your feelings are totally valid, and although I can't say I've experienced going without, for what it's worth, I agree, and I try to help where I can.”
He leaves it at that, not elaborating, and I notice that my hand is still on his arm at the same time he does. His lips turn up more, in a smile that almost reaches his eyes, then he grabs my hand, tucks it in the crook of his arm like an old fashioned gentleman, and leads me towards the front of the lot.
We stop in front of an admittedly gorgeous little silver vintage looking car, like something out of a Bond film.
“Your carriage, m’lady,” he jokes, cringing only slightly given our recent conversation.
“She's beautiful,” I say, admitting to myself that I'm not above admiring a gorgeous car. “What is she?” I ask him.
“She's a 1954 Mercedes SL 300 Gullwing with red leather interior.” He grins proudly as he reaches down and opens my door upwards, so it indeed looks like a bird’s wing. I get in, and he shuts it, jogging round to the driver’s side and getting in himself.
“Wow,” I exclaim, running my hand along the bright cherry red leather seat. The whole car smells like Kai, his fresh woods after the rain scent, mixed in with leather and beeswax polish.
He turns the key in the ignition, and I swear to the god of orgasms that I almost come from the deep purr of the engine. My thighs clench together, and I’m not sure whether I’m seeking relief or trying to stave off an oncoming orgasm. Kai gives me a knowing, Loki-worthy smirk as he puts the car into drive and pulls out of the lot, speeding down the gravel tree-lined drive and making my heart flutter like I’m on a rollercoaster.
We emerge from the scrolling metal front gates, the guards letting us pass with barely a glance, and onto the main road. I arrived so late that I didn't get to take in much of the surrounding scenery, and I'm delighted to find that Highgate Prep appears to be nestled in a forest full of what looks like pine trees. Today the sun is shining, the sky a deep beautiful blue, and its rays reach out through the gaps in the trees, like it's trying to touch us as we speed along.
The road is winding, and as we turn one particular corner, I gasp aloud, sitting up and clutching at the door. Before me is the most spectacular view. Majestic snow-capped mountains appear at the end of the road, which twists out of view. To either side of us golden grass and trees line the tarmac, in colours ranging from crimson red to deepest amber and palest yellow. It's breathtaking. Utterly spellbinding. And so far removed from the greys and hustle of London, that I might as well be on another planet.
“Like the view?” Kai teases in that melodic voice of his, sending shivers skating across my body. I turn to look at him, mouth still agape.
“It's...wow,” I say, lost as to how to convey what I’m feeling right now. “It's so different from London, yet it feels familiar too. Like, I've just stepped into a favourite dream. There's so much colour here, so much life. But it's not crazy busy or noisy. It just is. Does that make any sense?” I'm trying to put into words this...peace I suddenly feel. As though this is where I was always meant to be. Which is madness, I know.
“Yes it does. I love seeing things anew from your eyes,” Kai responds softly, eyes on the road and his cheeks that adorable pink colour.
* * *
KAI
Seeing Lilly's beautiful hazel eyes filled with wonder does something to me. It's like she's the sun, and my soul leans towards her, desperate for any light. The moment she walked into our lives, in that towel, I was lost.
The way she challenged Ash was perfection, I've never seen someone stand up to him before, let alone looking as fiercely beautiful as she did. Especially wearing only a towel. And later, her cries of passion, screaming Loki's name in ecstasy, well, it had awoken a long dormant passion inside of me that I was beginning to think would never resurface. For the first time in a long time, I had to seek relief for the ache that she created, painting my bedsheets with my release, while images of her underneath me moaning my name played over and over in my mind.
I shift in my seat, hoping she doesn't see the evidence of my arousal, and try to focus back on the road. On the view that I feel like I'm seeing for the first time. It really is beautiful. I guess growing up near here makes you take it for granted.
“‘If gravity is love of earth, the mountains teach us how to fly, and bring us back as rivers flow,’” I quote at her, the poem coming to mind as we drive along the winding road.