“This whole thing is making me feel like shit,” he said. “If I’d known, I would have…” He trails off, and I shake my head.
“It’s fine. My dad would have found some way to hand me off to someone eventually, regardless.”
“This must really suck. I’m sorry,” Holt says, and it really seems like he means it. He opens up his arms, and I eye him with half suspicion, half temptation. Then I get to my feet and step closer, allowing myself to be enfolded by his big arms. He smells delicious. Like cedar and soap. And whatever he has cooking on the stove also smells fantastic.
For a second, everything else falls away. It’s just me in the arms of a big, strong man. I let him hold me. I feel his nose lightly brush the top of my head, and for some reason, my entire body reacts.
I’ve never had a man hold me like this. For the first time, I realize, I feel protected. I feel like he might actually be looking out for me. Like he might be on my side.
I break away briefly and look up into his eyes, wishing mine weren’t swimming with tears. “What is it you want with me?” I ask him.
He sets his jaw, and I see something behind his eyes that I don’t think I can identify. Then he breaks his gaze. “I’m going to call your dad,” he says after a moment, stepping back toward the food bubbling on the stove. “He can send that jet back here. Pick you up. In the meantime, we can just sit and eat something. How’s that sound?”
I’m surprised by my own visceral reaction to what he’s saying. My stomach flips upside down in horror at the thought of returning home.
At least here, it’s just us. There’s no legion of men obeying my father’s every command. In fact, my father is actually nowhere nearby. He has no control over me.
Nobody, right now, has any control over me.
If I go back, who’s to say what he’ll do to me, where he’ll send me next? He’s giving me away to strange men on a whim, and if Holt isn’t as bad as my dad is, didn’t I kind of just get… lucky?
Could this strange turn of events be what I’ve been hoping for all along, in disguise?
Five
Holt
Hattie’s demeanor shifts as soon as I say that. Now she’s looking away, thoughtful, and then smiling up at me. There’s a spark in her eyes that I haven’t seen before, and it’s like she has suddenly come to life. Before this, I was very definitely witnessing one of the worst days of her life, and she still has fire in her. She’s still drawing me in more than anyone ever has before.
“What is it?” I have to ask. What happened to snap her out of her bad mood? Was it something I said or did, or was it a thought she had?
“I just realized something is all,” she says, and wipes her eyes, shaking her head with a small smile. “I can do whatever I want. For once, my father isn’t here to control me. And, if you’re at all telling the truth, none of his cronies are here to control me, either. For the first time in my life, I might be able to have one night off from this. From being the daughter of a mob boss.”
A mob boss. The thought raises my eyebrows, but of course that’s what’s going on here. I accidentally had a run-in with an incredibly powerful and dangerous man, and I didn’t have any idea what I was getting myself into.
“Tomorrow I can call him and get out of your hair,” she continues. “But tonight, maybe… maybe I can just do what I want for a change.”
“Yeah?” I feel that same tug toward her that I’ve felt since she was at my doorstep, but now I listen to it, and step closer to her.
She reaches out for me when I’m close enough and I grab her outstretched hand, unable to stop myself. I wonder if she can feel my heart pounding through my wrist, or if she can tell how fucking hard she’s making me just by looking at me like that.
“I know what I want,” she says, and it’s like she’s undergone a complete transformation from the woman in my kitchen just minutes ago. “I want you, Holt.”
I swallow, trying to stifle the urge to pick her up, swipe everything off the countertops, and pound her just like she needs. “Are you sure?” I want to ask if she knows what she’s saying, what she’s doing to me.
“I’m sure.” She pauses, biting her lip, but her eyes never leave mine. “I’ve been locked away, figuratively but also kind of literally, for so long. I knew I’d know it when I saw it, and you’re it. I want you — tonight. What do you think?”