CHAPTERFOURTEEN
Danny
“I should’ve listenedto mom when she said I’m spreading myself too thin. When you called me this morning, I should’ve said fuck you.”
My brother, Javier, laughs as he takes a drink of his water. “If I have to help today then you do too. Don’t think you’re so special.”
“I’m not, it’s just some of us have different jobs,” I complain. It’s always an argument between us over why I’m not working as much as they are.
“And some of us are better looking than our younger siblings,” he smirks, taking his hat off and running his fingers through his hair.
“What the fuck ever; think whatever you want. I’m better looking and can work you under the table.”
“I heard mom talked to you about working with us yesterday.” He ignores my comment, which doesn’t surprise me.
“Yeah, she did. That was what I was talking about earlier. She said I’m trying to make up for shit I’m never really going to be able to make up for. I don’t have nearly as much time as the rest of you and, while I’d like to be someone you can count on all the time, it’s just not possible.”
“Do you think she’s right?” He wipes the back of his hand over his forehead.
This isn’t something I really wanna talk about. It brings up feelings I don’t love admitting to anyone, much less myself.
“I don’t know… there’s guilt with knowing the rest of you are here working and I’m not. This business is what allowed me to move out of mom and dad’s, buy my first car, take my first girlfriend out on a date. It’s the future of our family. If we don’t make this work, then what about the next generation? Knowing you have a young family counting on us - it’s something I take seriously. It’s a lot to think about.” My chest hurts even imagining it.
“We don’t think that. I wish you realized that,” Javier says as he bends over to visually place some of the plants.
“I don’t…it’s hard.” I do my best to try to explain to him how I’m feeling. “The three of you, our uncles and cousins have worked so hard to make our last name something to be proud of. Even though there are so many who still look at us as if we don’t belong here.”
“To them, we’ll never belong here,” he reminds me.
“Our mom’s family was founding fathers of this town. We have just as much a right to be here as anyone else. It hurts that they don’t give our mom and dad the respect they deserve. I feel as if maybe I’m a part of that because I decided not to go into the family business. Because I wanted something different, maybe others think I’m not proud of what you all have done and that’s why I’ve chosen to go my own way.”
He blows a breath out. “Look, I give you a ton of shit, but I’m proud of you. Prouder than I’ve ever told you. What you’ve decided to do is one of the greatest things anyone can do. You don’t know how I go around telling anyone who’ll listen about my little brother, the firefighter. Sam and I, we have this. We will continue with the landscaping until it’s not feasible for us to do so, but never at the expense of you and your dreams.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, and if I’ve ever made you feel differently, know I’m sorry.”
“That goes both ways. I wish you could hear me talk about how proud of the family business I am. How dad built it from the bottom up to take care of a wife who was exiled from her parents because she chose the love of a man who wasn’t from her station in life.”
He claps his hand on my shoulder. “I think there’s someone who needs to hear that beyond me. I think Dad worries he’s embarrassing to you. Especially now that you’re known in the community.”
“What? That’s crazy.” The thought causes my stomach to clench.
“You have to remember that he wasn’t born here. He came as an immigrant and none of this has been easy for him. He walked so we could run.”
Realizing how true those words are, I admit there’s work that needs to be done. “Is that why he never comes to see me at the fire station? I invite him all the time, but he hasn’t been there once. I’d love to show him what I do.”
“That’s exactly the reason, and he’s worried we’re holding you back.” Javier takes a drink of water. “Which is why you’re going to have to make a decision and why he had mom talk to you.”
“He put her up to that?”
“Yeah, he’s wanted us to talk to you too, but neither me nor Sam wanted to influence you. It should be your decision. You’re a grown man who can make your own choices. It shouldn’t matter what mom and dad think. It should matter how you feel.” He taps against my chest. “In here. What does your heart say?”
I’ve struggled with the answer to that question. “I don’t know.” My voice feels tight, strangled against emotion rising in my throat.
“No one can tell you what to do, little bro. This is all you.”
* * *