Even though his response is immediate, I can feel the disappointment and pain in his words as I read them.
Of course. Take as much time as you need. I don’t want to pressure you, but every second without you makes it harder to breathe. I love you, Moira, more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone. Please give me a chance to make things right.
By the time I finish reading, I’m crying, and I know as soon as I see him, I’m not going to be able to resist him. All the more reason to keep him away, the rational part of my brain screams at me, and then all the doubts join in to tell me he’s just going to hurt me in the end and that nothing good ever lasts and it most certainly will never last for the likes of me.
I set the phone aside and slip under the water, trying to drown out all the voices in my head. I just want to sleep. I don’t want to think about anything until I’ve slept for a good ten hours. Life has other plans for me, though, because as soon as I’m out and dressed in a pair of comfy pajama bottoms and a bulky sweatshirt, there’s a knock at the door.
My first thought is that it’s Nikolai, but when I hear the thick Russian accent, I know it’s Dmitri. I push aside the disappointment and tell myself that he’s staying away just like I asked him to. It’s not like I can get upset with him for that.
Opening the door, I smile at Dmitri and wave him in. He looks as awkward as I feel. “Thanks so much for letting me stay here,” I say, crossing my arms over my chest and feeling like an intruder.
“Of course, stay as long as you need,” he quickly says, waving away my unease just like his wife did. It’s impossible to not like the two of them, and I can’t help but envision a future where I’m with Nikolai and they’re a part of my life—the family and friends I never had.
“Did Nikolai send you?” I ask, wanting to cut the ice. It’s obvious he didn’t come here just for idle chitchat.
Dmitri smiles as if the idea is ludicrous. “No, he doesn’t know I’m here. He actually doesn’t know that you’re here yet. He thinks you’re still hiding out at the Irish club.”
“Yet?” I ask.
He shrugs his broad shoulders and sits down in the exact same spot his wife had sat in, like some crazy psychic bond connects them at all times. I sit down, keeping several feet between us and wrap my arms around my legs, resting my chin on my knee, waiting for him to speak.
His blue eyes are insanely piercing, and I can see why Gina was obsessed with him. The man is utterly gorgeous, and the scar on his chin just accentuates it. He doesn’t stir that special something inside me like Nikolai does, though. He’s more like something beautiful that I can appreciate without feeling a longing for.
“You know Kolya and I have been friends since we were kids, and until Gina, I was closer to him than anyone else.”
I nod my head but don’t speak for fear of interrupting him.
“My childhood was hard with my parents dying and then my brother, but it was nothing compared to Kolya’s. Are you familiar with Russian orphanages?”
“No,” I say, hugging my legs tighter at the idea of a small Nikolai being all alone in the world.
“Is not good,” Dmitri says, and I’m guessing that’s the understatement of the year. “He kept escaping, and that’s when I met him. I was at park outside of my parents’ apartment building and this scrawny kid came up and started playing with me.”
He laughs at the memory, and I smile, picturing it in my head.
“I did not recognize him from school, but when you are young, you make new friends easily. Later, I learned that he was orphan and had run away from orphanage. They caught him, of course, and brought him back, but he kept sneaking out. Eventually, they stopped looking for him. One less mouth for them to feed.”
He sighs and leans back. “He lived on the streets for a while, but I tried to have him over at our apartment as much as possible. After my parents died when I was fifteen, he pretty much moved in with me and my older brother.”
Dmitri looks at me, and the sadness in his eyes is hard to look at. “He told you about my brother?”
“Yes,” I say, but it comes out as more of a whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
“Life is not fair sometimes.”
“No, it definitely is not.”
He gives me a sad smile, just two people who life has kicked in the ass one too many times sharing a moment of solidarity, before he says, “Kolya saved my life. If not for him, I would not be here.” He sighs and leans forward, resting his forearms on his legs. “He messed up, and he knows it, but Kolya is not man to make same mistake twice. He loves you very much, and I have never seen him love anyone.”
I turn away from his eyes, unable to face him when I’m feeling so raw and vulnerable.
“I have to tell him where you are, because I cannot keep it from him. I am sorry, but I owe him too much, and I can’t stand to see him in so much pain.”
“I understand,” I say. “I would never ask you to.”
“Thank you.”
I turn back to him and fidget with the bottoms of my pajamas. “Thank you for coming here and telling me all of this.”