I cut him off with a shake of my head. “I’d really just like to be alone. Please.” I stress the last word and it’s only then, when my desperation to be alone so I can break comes through, that the three of them stand.
“You know where we are if you need us,” East says before leaving. Maverick just looks at me like he wants to object more, but Finley shakes his head. At the move, Maverick follows East, leaving me alone with Finley.
He watches me closely in that assessing way that he has. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay alone? What happened tonight… last night… I’m happy to stay.”
I clutch my arms tighter around my stomach and step back, giving me some more space from him. While I’d probably feel safer with him here—which I’m aware is fucking moronic, all things considered—if he stays, he’ll keep looking at me like he is now, and I can’t cope with that. My dad raised me to deal with stuff on my own, so asking people for help isn’t exactly the easiest thing for me. “I’d really just rather be alone.”
He frowns, and I’m aware he doesn’t agree, but why he thinks I’d feel safe with the four of them baffles me. East, I could understand, but him, Maverick, and Linc? Other than last night, they’ve not done one thing that tells me I can trust them. And I sure as hell am not about to forgive them just because they did what any decent human should have done.
Finley watches me closely and I guess that, despite me trying to keep my face passive, he can see everything I’ve tried to hide, because he just nods. “Okay. I’ll be next door if you need anything.”
He gathers the dishes and leaves the room. I stay where I am, staring out into the back yard until I hear the alarm arm and the door slam shut. Only then do I let the emotion out. Only then do I fall to the floor and clutch my knees to my chest, crying tears of violation, of devastation for everything that happened at that party last night.
This is the only time I’ll let Raleigh Rittenhouse break me, after this, I’ll put my armor against the world back on, but right now… right now I need to be broken.
I just hope I can put myself back together after.
* * *
After spending most of the morning breaking and drowning in the despair I try not to feel; showering to try and wash off the violation of everything and failing; then trying to sleep and failing; spiraling in my shame, I find myself down in the music room.
Composing was part of my healing process the last time something like this happened. The crazed fan that thought I was in love with him… I shudder as the memory assaults me.
I survived this before, I can survive it again.
I’d never been so scared in my entire life as when he grabbed me in that hall and I felt the needle plunge into my neck.
My memory of that night is all too vivid from when I came around, tied to a bed, with him standing over me, watching me. If it wasn’t for Panda… no… it isn’t worth thinking about. I shake my head, trying to chase away the memory, the pain, so I don’t sink further.
My therapist encouraged music to help me heal, and it did. So while I might not have all my memories of last night like I did before, I’m pretty sure that it’s still the best way for me to deal with everything that’s whirring inside of me like a hurricane.
I sit down at the baby grand, but I can’t bring myself to put my fingers on the ivory. I still feel dirty, and I don’t want to taint the pureness of the keys. A shudder runs through me as I close my eyes, the feel of Raleigh's hands still on my skin.
It occurs to me that I should probably call the police. That I should do something. But I also wonder what the point would be. The police in this town have never done anything against people like him. His dad owns a Fortune 500 company, not to mention his mom's restaurant—fucking power couples—so even if the police did anything, his dad would just pay to get it swept away.
The corruption in the system, especially in The Cove, is disgusting.
Still, I wonder if it would stop him from doing it to someone else.
Or if I’m the only person he’s done this to, did I do something to deserve it? Did I lead him on?
I close my eyes and tip my head back, trying to take deep breaths.
While, logically, I know that I don’t deserve what he tried to do, the fact that this isn’t the first time it’s happened to me… it makes me question if I didn’t bring this on myself? Was this my fault? What is it about me that makes people think something like that is okay?
I need to call the police.
Report what happened.
Do something.
Even if it’s fruitless, at least I tried, and then maybe he won’t try it with anyone else.
I stand, fixed in my decision, when I realize I haven’t seen my phone since I woke up this morning. Heading back upstairs, I search everywhere for it and come up empty.
What the actual fuck?
I find my clothes from last night and go through the pockets, still nothing.