I’m pulled from the spiraling darkness by Finley walking through the front door. He looks about as happy as I feel. Most people wouldn’t be able to see the nuances, he doesn't really show much emotion, but the set of his jaw, the tightness of his shoulders… let’s just say when you’ve been through what we have together, you notice the small things. He nods at me and heads straight for the bathroom. I turn back on the couch just as the door opens again and Mav strolls in, rubbing his hands together.
The guy is twisted.
We all are, really.
“Any idea what this is about?” Mav asks as he jumps the back of the couch and drops onto the seat beside me.
I finish my bottle of water, just as Finn reappears. “Not a fucking clue, but where’s the surprise there?”
Finley takes a seat in the arm chair opposite the couch and runs a hand through his hair. Something isn’t right with him. “What’s wrong?”
He looks at me, his stare cold, almost calculating. “We need to tell V about the Knights.”
“We’ve had this conversation, her not knowing is the best way to keep her safe.” I sigh, wishing that our lives were different. That this wasn’t our reality, and that we didn’t have to shoulder everything we do. But the more she knows, the more danger she’s in. I don’t understand why they haven’t realized that. I know her, and she’s like a dog with a bone. If we give her even a little, she’ll dig until she gets to the heart of it, and then it’ll be too late. Then there will be no saving her, and I couldn’t live with myself if she became like the rest of them.
“I don’t agree. Not anymore. You saw that note, they’re going to come for her. She’ll be better prepared if we tell her. Even if we just tell her a little.”
I sit up straight and pin him with a look while Mav just glances between us. The three of us have never argued, not since initiation. But since V came back, things have been different. “You think she’d believe us? You think she’d think it was anything more than another ploy to run her out of town? If we tell her now, she’ll brush it off, and that’ll probably just put her in more danger. We need her to trust us first. So we keep her safe. We do what we can to keep her with us, to build back what we once had, and then we can tell her.”
“She’ll think we betrayed her,” he counters, and I run a hand through my hair.
“Maybe, but she’s also not stupid enough to not see that we did it to keep her safe.” I lean back on the couch and look up at the ceiling. “The hardest part is going to be getting her to trust us first. Finding out who the fuck is stalking her and dealing with them will help, but we did a lot of damage in the last few months.”
My phone buzzes in my pocket, and theirs ping at the same time.
Unknown:
Be at the drop in twenty minutes.
“We need to table this for now and deal with whatever bullshit they’re throwing at us today.”
Finn looks torn and I don’t blame him. He hates the chokehold we’re in as much as I do. “What if we didn’t?”
“Then they’ll use her against us. That was their plan all along. Now she’s here, and we know they can get to her easily, they already know we’ll do what we have to in order to keep her safe.”
“This is bullshit. I still don’t get why they wouldn’t just accept Blair and Nate to take over the Royal seats. Then Octavia would still be blissfully ignorant, a world away from here.” He hisses and stands. “Let's get this shit done. Where is East? Someone needs to be with V while Smithy is still away.”
“I have no fucking clue.” I drop him a message to let him know we’re heading out and ask him to keep an eye on V before grabbing my keys. “Let’s head out. The quicker we get going, the quicker we get back.”
“If only that were true.” Mav laughs. “Remember that one time a job took us out for three fucking days? Let’s hope that’s not the case tonight. I like ’em quick and dirty.”
I clap his shoulder and belt a laugh. “Oh, we know, buddy.”
He shoves me, grinning. “Asshole.”
We head into the garage and pile into my Cayenne. I hit the clicker to open the garage door, half hoping we get another text cancelling this little outing, but I know it’s not going to happen. Most of my hope has been beaten out of me at this point. It’s only the thought that we can keep Octavia safe that keeps my head above water.
I drive on autopilot toward the drop. I hate that my body remembers the way because I’ve driven it so many times. I’m not stupid, I know that they send us on more missions than the others because of our reluctance, our free will, the unwillingness to buckle under their thumb, but I’ll be fucked if they ever take that fight from me.
The difference between us and those who submit easily is we have something else, someone else, that we’re fighting for. Even when she wasn’t here, when Stone had her away from us, when he did what he could to keep her from this, we fought for her. Even if she didn’t know it.
I hope she never has to.
We drive through the pitch black of night, no moon in sight, and a shiver runs through my body. It feels like the darkness is an omen of what is to come. The Knights have made us do some fucked up shit, do things I never thought I’d be able to do to another human, but when it comes to survival, I’m always going to pick me and mine.
I pull up in front of the office building on Main Street and idle at the curb while Finn jumps from the car and enters the dark building. He’s only gone for a few seconds before he returns with the envelope and three bags. Once he’s back in the car, he opens the envelope and shows it to Mav and I.
Dominic Taylor