Gemma: You’re TERRIBLE!
Next, I open Robert’s message.
Robert: Have you made a decision about moving in? I really would’ve loved having you next to me this morning when I woke up since you didn’t come over last night.
Here we go again. I’m not even surprised at this point. He refuses to listen to me or validate my feelings. I set my phone down on the table and open another bottle of wine. Once my glass is full, I go outside for some fresh air and sit in one of the patio chairs under the small awning. It’s the middle of September, and even though the humidity hasn’t completely vanished, at least there’s a cool breeze.
The evening silence draws on as I hear the faint sounds of birds and crickets chirping. The sky is a bright pink and purple with the sun sitting lazily in the sky. I take another drink just as my dad walks outside whistling.
“Hey, sweetie,” he says before glancing down at my wine glass, then back at me.
“Hey, Dad. How’s it goin’?”
“I’m good. You okay?” He takes the empty seat next to me.
“Fine, just peachy,” I lie.
Dad glances at me. “Before your mother and I got married, she suggested we run away together and elope.”
I snort at his random comment. “What?”
“Yeah, she couldn’t wait to get married and wanted to start our lives together right away. Plus, planning the wedding with her mother’s input was stressful. She always joked that it’s what caused her first gray hair.”
I smile thinking about it. “Well, Grandma is super particular.”
“Everythingbecame an argument. Chocolate or strawberry cake. Red or white roses. Inside or outside ceremony. I didn’t care as long as we were married at the end of the day. Whatever she wanted was good enough for me.” He grins as he reminisces. I know he misses her every single day, and I do too. They were soul mates.
“But you didn’t elope, did you?” I ask, wondering if they got married before the date we celebrate as their anniversary.
“No, but she nearly had me convinced when she complained about her mom wanting her to wear her wedding gown. It was awful looking.” He leans back and looks up at the fluffy clouds in the distance just as the cicadas start.
“That’s funny.”
Dad chuckles. “I guess my point is, if you’re nervous or stressed about this wedding stuff, I understand. It can drive a woman crazy. Your mother, who loved tradition, was ready to throw in the towel and book us a flight to Vegas.”
My heart aches that he thinks my bad mood is because of the wedding.
“Robert wants to move up the wedding to November,” I tell him for the first time. “That means we’d be getting married in two months.”
“Wow. That’s coming up. But what do you want?”
I shrug. “It feels too soon. I’m not sure if I’m ready for all those changes right now. I think I need more time,” I admit.
“Oh, Gemma.” He pats my hand. “Out of my two kids, you were always the critical thinker and people pleaser. But sweetheart, you have to follow your heart. It always knows the right thing to do before your head does. So if it’s telling you to wait, then wait, but if not, it wouldn’t hurt to move the date. I wished your mother and I had because we would’ve gotten more time to be married. But the invitations were already sent, and RSVPs were coming in. Robert’s the perfect guy for you, and he wants to make you happy, which I know he can for the rest of your lives. I’m positive he’ll do whatever you want.”
Dad twists the dagger that’s been lodged in my heart since that night with Tyler. Dad really likes Robert, but I’m no longer confident he’s the right man for me. Can he truly make me happy for the rest of my life when it feels like he wants to control it?
“Dad, I have a question for you.”
“Go on.”
“Did you still get butterflies from Mom after all those years of being together?”
HIs lips tilt up into a toothy grin. “Yes. I never once stopped feeling that spark when I was with her. Even when our arms would brush, I’d get goose bumps. I think that’s how you know it’s real, pumpkin. When you wake up in the morning or when you go to bed, that’s the person you think about. And it’s who you want to spend all your time with.”
I listen to his words and take them all in, realizing I’ve not felt that way about Robert in a long time. He proposed so quickly into our relationship, and I said yes but haven’t taken the time to really think any of this through until now.
When I woke up this morning, the only person on my mind was Tyler. I feel like such a piece of shit, and unfortunately, this conversation hasn’t helped. But I don’t give my insecurities away and keep sipping my wine, trying to enjoy this time with my father.