I remember Gunner’s reaction. “Maybe two.”
He gently takes off my hat and lets me toss it in the pile for a thrift store, but sets his top hat in the box. I clear my throat. “Have you thought about kids?”
“Bella.”
“I’m not saying right away. I just … I know I want them in the future and if we’re going to be moving in together, you know … I think we should talk about it.”
“That’s fair.” He rubs his chin. “I hadn’t really thought about it either way. I figured there would be a time when I would be ready or desperate to have kids, but … They’re definitely on the table. It’s not a no.”
I lean against him. “You’ll be a really good dad.”
“I don’t know if I have the discipline skills for that.”
“I do.” I wink. “We’re a good balance that way.”
“And the other thing.” He prompts.
“Gunner overheard me ending things with Holden. I guess he didn’t understand when I was with him before. He got angry.”
“I see.” Matthew rubs his jaw. “Do they know it’s because of me?”
“I just said it was time. Miles knows, but I didn’t want them all swamping you with questions or demands. We can still tell them before we leave, but I wanted to do the ending thing first.”
“Have you finished telling everyone?”
“I have Roman left.” I huff. “He works constantly and it feels wrong to do it at work, so I’ve been trying to find the right time, but it’s hard. Can you help me?”
Matthew looks a little shocked. “I think that’s the first time you’ve ever asked me for help, Bella.”
“I like doing things my own way, love. You know that.” I play with my fingers. “But Roman’s intimidating. If you can just get him to go to lunch with me or something … he’s good at saying no to me.”
“I see.”
I hate when he says that. But he’s considering it which is more than what normally follows those two words. He nods once. “I’ll get him free tomorrow.”
“Thank you, Matt.” I kiss his cheek.
He gapes. “I just got downgraded to ‘Matt’?”
“Why the extra letters? No judgment. I’m just curious.”
“Do you have any idea how many guys in the military are named ‘Matt’? Miles instantly called me Matthew. He said I had a baby face.”
I don’t see it anymore. Especially not with that dark shadow over his eyes. Matthew exhales. “It sucks, even though the baby fat didn’t. And my mother had a thing about shortening names that it was disrespectful or turned you into a lesser person, so it’s always just been, Matthew,” He says.
I kiss his sharp jaw, nuzzle his neck and rub over his chest. “I like you exactly as you are, Matthew. With or without the ‘hew’.”
That settles things between us. We pack a few more boxes and he heads home, taking all the warmth of my apartment with him. I stare at my phone, expecting a text from one of the other guys, but I should know better.
Those texts aren’t coming. We’re friends and colleagues now. I made sure of that. It’s worth it. I get Matthew. And just like I told him, I don’t have regrets. It’ll be a change, but a good one. If something casual lasts too long, it stops being casual. It ends up being serious, too serious.
And serious with six guys just isn’t possible. It’s not. It’s insanity to even think I could hold onto two of them for longer than a few months. I know how the world is. I know the kind of relationships that are allowed, that are expected, that I want and work for me and I want children.I keep telling myself that until Matthew lets me know that Roman will meet me for lunch. I take my time, choosing something cute, but not sexy. I make sure my thighs are covered, that minimal cleavage is showing. I won’t let things get confused.
I walk up to Roman and he turns his gaze on me. “Bella.”
“You’re a hard man to get a hold of,” I inform him.
He nods, then folds his hands. “I’ve been waiting for this conversation.”