CHAPTERONE
“How are you, honey?” Gerri Wilder asked as she sipped her coffee.
“Honestly, I’ve been better. I keep thinking that if I just stay mad, I’ll get over it sooner, but it doesn’t seem to be working,” Emmy said, wiping away the tears that managed to escape the not-so-iron grip she thought she had on them.
“It’s going to take time. You can’t beat yourself up about it.” Gerri patted her friend’s hand.
“I know. It just sucks. I was supposed to be walking down that aisle next week and then flying out for my dream honeymoon to Hawaii. Men suck!” she said with a sniff.
“Yeah, some of them do. But not all men.”
“I know.I’ll find a good one and never look back. Trust me, I’ve heard it all. I know everyone means well with their positivity, but it still sucks ass and still hurts like a mofo.” Emmy was so damn tired of everyone being so polite. She wanted … needed a friend who offered to help her hide a couple of bodies or something. Not that she would really kill her ex, Luke, or her former BFF, Stacy. “Maybe I should write them into one of my books and kill them off in my story in some horrible way. I wonder if I’d be able to let it all go then?” She laughed.
“That’s not a bad thought,” Gerri said with a laugh. “Do you want to know what I think you should do?”
“Not really. But I suppose you are going to tell me.”
Gerri shrugged. “I can keep my mouth shut if you prefer.”
“The hell you can. I think you need to remember that I’ve known you for years. I have never once seen you be able to keep your mouth shut on any subject,” Emmy snorted. “Just spit it out.”
“Fine! I think you should still go on the trip to Hawaii. Stop thinking about it as a honeymoon and think of it as the most incredible vacation you have ever taken in your life instead. Besides, it’s already paid for. Do you really want to throw all that money down the drain?” Gerri asked.
Emmy sighed at Gerri’s suggestion. It wasn’t that she hadn’t thought about going by herself or taking a friend; she had. More times than she cared to admit. She was just worried that any healing she had done would set her back by going on her honeymoon solo. “I really have to think about it. I just don’t know whether it’s a good idea or not.”
“I think wasting twenty thousand dollars is a bad, bad idea. You’ll regret it. It might not be today or tomorrow, but down the road, you will kick your own ass for not going. Let me ask you this. When was the last time you took a trip just for yourself? Just to clear your head and have a good time?”
“I … I don’t think I have ever done that. Well, definitely not since I’ve been with Luke. He would complain that I was spending too much money. No matter how much I made, he would make me feel like crap for wanting anything for myself. I’ve always dreamed of taking a nice vacation, but Luke would never allow it. Not unless he was getting something out of it too.”
The more she reflected on her time with her ex, the more pissed off she became. Why had she allowed him to control her and her money like that? None of it sat well with her, now that she was looking at the way he had treated her from a different perspective.
“Well, I think you need to get yourself in the mindset that you’re going on an all-expenses paid trip that is going to be fabulous. Take a friend if you want, or go solo in case there is too much pressure having someone along. Either way, if you frame it right, it could be a great experience to get you back on your feet and feeling good for the first time in a while. Not only that, you earned the right to do something nice for yourself. You should never feel guilty about spending your money on you. Besides, I’m going to assume it was your money that paid for that trip.”
“Every dime. He never helped pay for anything. The apartment is mine. Hell, his car is mine. It’s in my name. Not his. Nothing here belongs to him.I paid for everything.”
Wow,she thought when she said the words aloud. She hadn’t thought anything about it at the time, but now … Yeah, she would never make the same damn mistake. And it looked more and more like there was a car she needed to repo.
“Anyway, I need to think about it some more. Either way, I’ll let you know what I decide to do.” Emmy both liked and disliked the idea of going to Hawaii solo. She’d be lying if she said it wasn’t her dream vacation, but the fact that it was supposed to be her honeymoon sullied the whole thought of turning the trip into her dream vacation.
“Keep me in the loop. I’ll pop by and water your plants if you decide to go, and you already know what my vote is for.”
“Thanks. I will.”
After her meeting with Gerri, Emmy drove around for a bit before heading back to her empty apartment. She pulled into a small park and got out to walk around. She needed fresh air and the great outdoors to clear her mind.
Glancing up at the night sky, she concentrated on the stars above. She sucked in a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before exhaling and letting go of all her stress and emotions that had been bombarding her since she found out that Luke had been cheating on her with her best friend and maid of honor, Stacy.
She had written both of them off when it came to every aspect of her life, but she had yet to grieve the marriage that should have been and the lifelong friendship that was awash in lies and betrayal. The grieving process hurt too much. Her heart had been well and truly broken. More by Stacy than Luke. It was weird. It was almost like she had been waiting for Luke to cheat on her, just like every other guy she had ever dated. But the betrayal from Stacy, that stung.
They had grown up together, had done everything together. Their moms were still best friends. To her, it was like her friend had died, and as much as she hated to admit it, that shit was far too painful to grieve. It was the ultimate betrayal.
Stacy had left at least ten voicemails a day and sent a minimum of fifteen text messages a day, all saying the same thing.I’m so sorry. Can we please talk about this?Emmy finally blocked her, not wanting to deal with her ex-BFF or the situation.
When she came upon an old wooden swing set in the park, Emmy didn’t hesitate. She sat on the plank of wood and grabbed onto the metal chain on each side of the seat before kicking with her feet. It had been years since she had been on a swing. Every time she had been at the park with Luke, he would just make fun of her for asking him to push her on the swing.
With each glide back and forth, Emmy thought about her life and how it was changing in ways she had never anticipated. Instead of getting married, she was faced with eventually entering the dreaded dating pool once again. Thoughts of becoming a nun passed through her brain before quickly fleeing.
Emmy now had to remake her life. This time, she vowed she was going to live the life she wanted. She was going to make it all about her for once. Her life was going to be hers, not what everyone thought she should do.