I’m curious how she’s put it all together and even more intrigued by the quickness of my answers. I swore I wouldn’t do this, wouldn’t involve anyone on my team in the details of our work. But she’s not just a team member anymore, not just someone I work with; she means something to me. I can’t change it, can’t shake it, and don’t want to.
Surely, nothing bad could come from finally telling her just a bit about my family. It might even help me know more about hers.
“Hm.” Is all I say in response.
“What?”
“You’re smart.”
“You say that like you’re just now realizing it.”
“No.” I laugh, undoing the second roll of gauze. “I’ve always known it.”
“Then why do you have that look on your face?”
“Because you’re right. We’re presenting it to the elders in Italy at the end of next week.” Her brows go tall until she’s reminded of her pain as I wrap the first bit of gauze around her knee. Again, still not sure how productive it is for me to be telling her this. It’s risky letting her in on such matters, especially with the Bratva extra pissed at us. Andpissedis most definitely an understatement.
“So if they like it….”
“They’ll approve us using it how we see fit.”
“Wow.” She breathes as I wrap the final bit of gauze and hook it shut with the bandage closure clips.
“A lot of pressure.” I press my lips together, holding out my hand to help her down from the tub.
“Yeah.” She seems somewhere far in her brain, and I wonder if she’s just exhausted. I stand and quickly clean up, putting everything back where it should go as she hobbles out of the bathroom. I catch her just before she heads into the bedroom and help her the rest of the way, up the few stairs leading to her bed.
“Thank you.” She smiles over at me, and I turn down her covers, helping her lay on her back. After tucking her in, I turn to leave, but she reaches for my hand, and I pause.
“Will you stay the night?”
“In your room?” I whisper, looking down at her pleading eyes.
“Yes.” I nod and walk around to the other side of the bed before shimmying under the covers. She fights her way to me, but I meet her more than halfway, so she doesn’t have to move as much.
I wrap my arms around her from behind, and she curls up close to me. Our breathing is soft and steady for a while, silence meeting the darkness of the room. I softly brush the hair away from her face, intently studying every facet of her profile as her eyelids begin to take longer blinks.
“My family is pretty crazy too.” She whispers through a relaxed mouth.
“Yeah?”
She clicks her tongue. “I don’t really tell people about them or my childhood, but…” she tenses her brows and turns around in my arms, face to face with me now. “My mom is a recovering drug addict.”
I don’t say anything, as concern contorts my face, giving away the pain I feel in my chest at her confession. Her amber eyes are glassy with fever, and even in the dark, I can see the tears beginning to form. Though I don’t know this type of pain entirely, I lost my mother when I was young. I don’t remember much about her when it comes to our relationship, except that she had a kind smile and was always there when I needed her.
“It was pretty hard throughout my childhood. Lots of drug dealing, doing drugs, and guests in and out of the house. Or just people who wanted to take advantage of us. My mother didn’t get clean until she found out she was pregnant with Sailor after I had already left the house. I wasn’t going to speak to her ever again. The second I moved out, I decided that. Until I got that call, and I knew I had to be there for that child. It’s been four years since she’s actively tried to quit, and she swears she isn’t using, but I can never really tell.”
I can feel her heart racing through the sheets as a tear rolls down her cheek. I catch it with my thumb and pull her close to my chest, kissing the top of her head.
“I’m sorry. About everything you had to go through and everything you continue to go through.”
“It’s worth it. To keep Sailor safe. I’d rather be broke and homeless than spend my money on myself if it meant Sailor would be cared for in exchange.” She has to know how this sounds. How this isn’t viable forever. It makes me want to protect her more than ever because I don’t think anyone ever has.
“I’m here for you,” I speak these words like a promise, and she sniffs as I pull my chest away from her face to see her tearful eyes. “I’m here for you,” I repeat. “No matter what.” This causes more tears to spill out onto the pillowcase, and I try to wipe them away, but they’re pouring out steadily. I meant to comfort her with my words, not cause more pain.
“Thank you.” She gets out through soft sobs, turning back around in my arms. I pull her hips close to mine and hold her securely in my arms until her body stops shaking and her eyes close. It’s quiet again, and I know she’s fallen asleep. I kiss her head once more before whispering goodnight, and then our bodies fall in a singular rhythm as I join her in sleep.
“Good morning!”The banging of a door and bright light coming through the windows makes me pull the covers over my head, and then I realize how late it is if the sun has begun to rise. I sit up quickly and realize Olive is standing in the doorway, looking at Scout and me with a shock that’s a little annoying.