“Well, need I remind you that Van—”
“I don’t need to be reminded,” I snap quickly before biting my tongue. He can tell it’s a sore spot, though, so he doesn’t tease me about my reaction as he continues.
“Vince asked me to look out for you today. Drive you around, keep you safe until Van’s recovered. Some of the boys are coming too.” He tips his head to the rearview mirror, and I glance behind us to see one of our cars following close behind.
“I’ve never had my own security detail, just Van.”
“Well, you do now. After your first big mission was so out in the open with a family we’re already at war with, he figured it was time.”
“Hm.” Is all I say because I don’t know how to feel about this. I don’t know if I’m fine with being followed around when I’ve felt so free for most of my life. Being the youngest son has many benefits, and the choice to fly under the radar is one of them. I’m quiet for most of the drive, thinking about the possibility of an invention based on the way the ground looks when we’re moving. It’s just a concept, but it keeps me busy while Scout and Martin chat in the background.
Scout grazes my hand after a while, and I think she wants to hold my hand, but then I realize she’s getting out, and we’ve arrived. All I accomplished in the zone-out session is my new idea; that's more of a loose concept than anything else. We’re tight on time, but it’s possible I can potentially create it before we head to Italy. That’s assuming we don’t have any more screw-ups.
We enter the building, a calmness between us that doesn’t feel awkward like I feared it would after this morning. It’s comfortable and light. After getting set up at our desks, we work together on programming every device that’s been fixed so far. This is a long process that will take even longer when the rest of the tech is repaired, but I think we can do it. In fact, I feel absolutely confident that we can get this done in a good amount of time.
“We should really test these out in the test room,” Scout says when our team starts to trickle in. I look up from the metal pieces I’m welding together and lift my welding helmet as she continues. “Last time, we didn’t do that. I think it could ensure that you’re not in any danger next time you do a test run.” The way she says this makes me happy. I can tell she’s concerned for me, more than I realized before when I told her of the danger I was in a couple of nights ago.
“We can do that. That’s a great idea.” I smile, reaching for the bottom of my helmet to pull it back over my face. She grins back, relieved that I no longer oppose the testing room strategy. That makes me feel better because as nice as it is to know she cares about me, it’s better to know she won’t worry about my safety. I wouldn’t want to cause her any distress. She doesn’t deserve that. Especially considering how much she does for her family, I don’t need her carrying the weight of mine too.
Everyone works as hard as usual, and as a result, the day speeds by. When the team begins to head to wrap it up for the day, I pack up too, but Scout is lost in another world, laying down the wires to one of the gun attachment devices.
I take my time preparing to leave to give her time to continue working. When I’ve finished, I head over to her, placing a hand gently on her shoulder. She used to jump when I’d do this because she was so in the zone. But today, she knows it’s me, and I can see a smile tug at the corners of soft lips to greet me.
“Hello.” I crouch down and brush her hair off her shoulder, kissing her, the soft warmth of her neck as she tilts her head to me.
“We shouldn’t.” She whispers scoldingly, her amber eyes wide with caution.
“No one’s here.” I press my forehead to her temple, and she squeezes my arm while shaking her head.
“Not here.”
“Oh, so, somewhere else?” She flutters her curly lashes at me with a sarcastic grin that turns down at the corners of her mouth.
“What?” I laugh.
“Let’s not get ahead of ourselves.” She reaches over and taps my abs before scooting away from her desk.
“Home?” I hold out my hand, and her brows twitch into an expression that tells me I’ve said something odd. “I mean, I know it’s notyourhome. I just, I would hope it’s yours.” I shake my head as the words come out very wrong before trying again. “No. I mean, I hope you would feel like it’s your home.” She presses her lips together in a grin that scrunches her button nose and fires my nerves with longing. Is it normal to be this attracted to another human?
“I get it. I didn’t mean to be rude. The only reason I reacted that way was because I don’t think I’ve ever called anywherehome. Nothing has ever felt like it.”
“Oh.” I scratch the back of my neck nervously as we head outside, and her grin grows.
“If I could imagine how it would feel, I would say yours is the closest I’ve had to home so far.” She reaches for my hand, and it surprises me. At first, I wonder why it throws me through a loop, and then I realize that it’s because I am usually the one initiating all the hand-holding. This is nice, though, very.
I take her hand gladly, intertwining my fingers with hers, and pull her close as we walk to the car in the last light of day. The drive home is far less thrilling than the one to work today. Martin seems calmer, letting the car settle in silence the way only Van can do. It makes me miss him more and our mutual understanding of silence.
Scout sits in the middle seat the entire way home, even lets me put my arm around her, and I like that she wants me to touch her. Especially after a long day. It’s a comfort I’ve never known and something that actually makes me happy.
This isn’t a distraction anymore, so much as it is inevitable. It feels like we do better when we’re working together, instead of apart. I can’t say that about just anyone. Not many people can. It’s an advantage that I won’t take for granted. It’s why I want her to know I value her ideas. If I had done that better on the first round of testing, we probably wouldn’t have had such a colossal failure on our hands because it would have all been put through a simulator test.
This time will be different. I can feel it. And I don’t know if that’s just the dopamine coursing through my veins because I’m touching Scout or not. But whatever it is, it’s the positivity I need to aim for if we’re going to knock this out of the park and make it to Italy by the end of next week.
I feel my heart drop into my stomach at the thought of how close the deadline actually is. How close to my dreams coming true or going up in flames that we are. It’s something I might toil over a month ago. I’d probably stress over every detail to the point of becoming a recluse, slaving away at my desk all day and night until the deadline.
But something is shifting in me, something that believes good things could possibly happen to me just because I’ve worked hard. That running myself until less than empty might not be a viable solution. Perhaps, it’s worked before in the past, but I’ve been alone so long because of it. I thought I was really, truly fine until I met Scout. It’s hard to know if she feels the same, and I’m still terrified to even ask her what we are that I've just left it as is.
If spending time with her is all I get, and it’s good because we don’t have to talk about why we want to spend time together, then this is okay. At least that’s what I’m telling myself because I intend to avoid doing anything to fuck it up.