“No, I mean… my team hasn’t touched the editing option on this document.”
“Well, someone must have.” He pauses for a second, and I take the opportunity to fix the mistake, then send it back to him.
“Run through it after it’s added to the mainframe. I don’t want any malfunctions.”
“Got it.” He runs back over to his group, working on the bottom level map portion, and I slide back over to my desk without saying a word to Scout.
A few hours pass, and the team has most of their belts filled with devices that are ready to go for tonight. I’ve mostly helped the process along while running details with Vince about the things we’ll be using for the outing tonight. He wants to brief my team before I do, so they know what devices they’ll be using a few hours before we begin.
By the time lunch rolls around and everyone begins to order food to the building, I decide to extend an olive branch to Scout.
“Hey,” I walk up to her desk as she’s typing up part of the code for our power-outage device. “You want me to order from your favorite sushi place?”
“You mean the sushi you order, and I always steal?” I’m surprised by her teasing tone that almost feels like normal, and I think I see a small grin.
“Exactly. Except, this time, it will be all for you. Whatever you want.” Her face drops again at my words, and I wonder what I’ve done to offend her now. That awkward tension between us returns, and she just shakes her head. I don’t take that as an answer, though. I wait until she speaks again. Her eyes slightly shift as she keeps her head still facing the computer.
“I'm fine. Thanks.”
“I didn’t ask how you were.”
“I’m not hungry.”
“So you don’t want me to order you sushi?”
“No.”
I sigh, this time loud enough she knows I’m irritated, and head back to my desk. Instead of ordering lunch, I get back to work, frustrated and slightly distracted, but that never stopped me from getting my work done before, so it won’t now. I keep this up for hours until we’re about to leave for the day, and Scout has only said a few words to me today, unlike our typical day of talking just as much as we work.
Perhaps the day is moving too fast, and she’s stressed about tonight’s test run. If I can only get her alone to speak with her. She may stay after work like she normally does. I’m hoping she does. Even if she doesn’t, I think I’ll just stop her before she strays too far out the door and ask her what’s wrong.
That thought keeps me going for the last hour of the day, and then, before I realize it, it’s the end of the workday, and everyone is packing up.
“Thank you for all of your hard work! I’ll let everyone know how the test run goes tomorrow.” I call as everyone says goodnight to me and each other, beginning to chatter about other stuff outside of work. They’ve become like a little family; we all have, in a way. I see them as an extension of our family, similar to the guys in our gang. They’re a part of this now, just as much as any of them.
I turn towards Scout, but she’s already headed towards the door in a speed-walk that would make me look stupid to do just to catch up with her. Which means I could either walk and risk missing her, or I could run and risk looking crazy for being so adamant about talking to her when she’s clearly avoiding me.
I need to not think about this. Tonight matters more than anything, to my dream, my future, and everything else that’s ever been important to me. I can’t let anything get in the way, not even my feelings for Scout.
This had better be the best test run we’ve ever done, or else, or else nothing. I can’t even think about the consequences of this type of mission going wrong under my watch. So, I’m choosing to believe that it can’t go wrong. I won’t let it.
9
SCOUT
I’ve had many bad days in my life, but this has to be the worst of them all. Seeing the look on Tito’s face when he knew I wasn’t acting the same or that I didn’t show up as early as normal. Everything about it was hellish, and then, having to intentionally mess things up all day while still flying under the radar was like a third job on top of the two I now have.
Am I destined for this to be my life? Being trapped by my own doing? Is it my doing?
I wave goodbye to some guys as I slide into my car. After turning the key a few times to get it going, I think about heading home. When I see my belongings stacked up in my back seat, I remember my new home is my car. At least until I can pay my debts and my mother’s, then save enough for a down payment on somewhere livable. A temporary spot because I’m planning to leave after this mess resolves itself. So, by the end of this month, I could be anywhere in the world. That’s a bit of a lie, but it’s one I’ve been telling myself all day to avoid bursting into tears.
After a second of too much thinking, I drive away before I can lock eyes with Van, parked in the car next to me. I know exactly what will happen if I wait here too long and who I’ll run into. Avoiding Tito at all costs is the best route to go down now. I can’t keep mixing up my desires for him with this mess, too. I’m already compromising my morals enough by intentionally sabotaging him. I don’t need to abuse what trust he has left in me in some complicated relationship that I didn’t intend on.
It’s frustrating, though, this depiction of Tito that I have in my brain versus the one Agent Riggs has painted for me. Not just of Tito but of his entire family. If I don’t help the FBI, they’ve basically implied that I'll have innocent blood on my hands. So that leads me to wonder if the entire family really is bad news, bad enough for them to gain the attention of the FBI. But even that doesn't make sense. Nothing is adding up, and I can’t compute the stark realities in my brain. Can’t reason that this kind, engaging, and intelligent Tito is actually evil, murderous, and dangerous.
I’m beginning to question what reality is and who I’m supposed to trust if I’m so torn between the very nature of someone I thought I knew fairly well. My instincts tell me to protect the San Giovanni’s at all costs, but my brain is trying to rationalize what I’ve been told.
If the FBI is wrong about them, and I am, in fact, betraying everything for the sake of hollow threats, then I'm not sure how I’m going to maintain this entire charade. Everything feels so jumbled up in my head, so I guess I just have to stick to my obligations and hope for the best. Hope that it’s the right decision and I haven’t fucked anyone over. The beach right up the road seems like a good place to park and stay the night, considering it’s rarely patrolled. Hopefully, I can figure out a way to get my mind off how horribly I know tonight will go since I changed the scripting in every device we packed. My stomach grumbles as I park in a free parking spot overlooking the ocean, and I clutch it tightly as I recline my seat back.