The halls in this hospital look endless. It reminds me of two mirrors that are facing each other. Infinite flickering fluorescent lights, doors, halls, and blue scrubs zooming about with purpose. If he’s in surgery, maybe he’ll be fine. I can’t think that way, but hope creeps in, and I want it to be possible. He looked completely out of it— gone to the other side— when I turned him over. The memory alone makes me feel as though I’m about to hurl or cry again or scream, but I don’t do anything.
My feet find their way, following the nurse whose name I didn’t catch, down a few more halls until we reach one with benches attached to the wall and a double door to our right.
“This is as far as you may go. When they bring him to his room, you have permission to follow.” She’s very stern, although I can tell she’s sympathetic. But I don’t need sympathy, I need a miracle, so I simply nod.
“Thank you,” Jack says for the both of us, and she turns back down the hall.
Thankfully, Jack has enough sense to not ask me a thousand questions like he usually does, but he is staring at me. I ignore him, knowing it’s probably taking everything in him to be quiet.
We wait for hours. I don’t know what time it is or that I’ve even fallen asleep when I feel a hand on my shoulder.
“Jess,” I open my burning eyes to see Jack looming over me. “The doctor said he’s stable. They’re going to put him up in a room within the hour.” I sit up as if I’ve just downed a full cup of coffee.
“Really?” I look around the empty halls before he sits down beside me.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” He crosses his fingers over one another, watching them as he plays with his hands nervously.
“Tell you what?”
“The truth.” The hurt in his voice slightly irritates me. How could I have told him anything? I was being threatened by him and everyone he works for. Protecting Vincenzo was worth it, even if I had gone to jail upon being found out.
“Why did I report false information?” I clarify, even though I know what he means. He nods, and I take a labored sigh.
“I—“
“You love him.” He concludes matter-of-factly, with no hesitation or question in his voice. I almost want to fight it. Tell him he’s wrong and how dare he even insinuate this, but I don’t? I nod my head once before whispering, “Yes.”
“I spent enough time with him to know the FBI’s wrong in their assumptions that he’s bringing a divide. Carlito was the one fanning that fire.” I meet his eyes with hopeful fever.
“Does this mean…”
“That I’m closing your involvement in this case. Vince is no longer the subject of interest.” A small breath of shock and relief escapes my mouth. I reach for his hands, squeezing them both with mine.
“Thank you.” I enunciate with the great measure of sincerity I feel.
“Of course.” His eyes are glossy before he shakes his head with a grin. “Anyway, you’re my friend now. Whatever you need, I’m just a call away.” He pulls one of his hands out and puts it atop of ours.
“Ms. Lee?” The doctor interrupts us.
“That’s me.” Silly thing to say next to Jack, but the doctor doesn’t even bat an eyelash at it.
“I’m going to be walking you to the room where they’re taking Vince.” I turn my eyes to Jack, and he puffs his bottom lip, nodding vigorously. I follow the doctor, Jack by my side, into an elevator and up to level five. We walk straight across the hall upon getting out, and his room is still empty.
A space where his bed will go, chairs at the corners, a tv mounted to the wall, and a large window overlooking a part of the city I don’t recognize.
“He’ll be up shortly.” She declares softly before leaving us alone.
“Can I get you anything?” Jack is insistent, looking me up and down.
“I don’t know.” My mind is blank, like walking into a grocery store without a grocery list and realizing after you're halfway home that you forgot six essentials.
“If it’s okay with you, I’m gonna go back to the apartment. Maybe shower, get a change of clothes. Do you want me to bring some clothes? Maybe a blanket?” He hugs himself, rubbing his arms like he’s in a popsicle commercial. “It’s cold in here.” He shakes, and normally, I would make some snide remark, but I refrain.
“Sure.” I nod, plopping down on the chair beside the space where Vince will be.
“Okay. I’ll be back soon.” He places a hand on my head before walking out of the room and leaving me with my thoughts.
I don’t mind being alone, but the fear that’s creeping in since not having someone to reassure me is daunting. If Vince is okay, will he be the same? The doctors aren’t telling me much, but I don’t imagine someone can take a bullet to the brain and come out acting like themselves again. I let out a steady breath through a small hole I make with my lips, trying to recalibrate.