I scanned more of the pamphlet written by the Commercians and got even more upset and disgusted. It was clear the little blue worms, who were abducting Earth women and selling them to whatever alien male wanted them, didn’t really know the first thing about either humans or women in general. At least, they didn’t know anything abouthumanwomen.
The pamphlet said it was best to keep the new human bride (or pet) locked up until the signs of “happiness” like weeping hysterically, cursing, and hitting, subsided. They also had a long list of nutrients—mostly vitamins and minerals—that should be given to the human to keep her healthy. That was where the “human chow” Sir had tried to serve me had come from, I thought, wrinkling my nose as I remembered the dusty vitamin bottle smell of the crunchy little nuggets.
I was about to discount everything the pamphlet said, when I found a part near the end about “Latizals.”
“Latizals are Pure Ones that the Goddess of Mercy and the Ancient Ones have seen fit to bless with extra gifts,” the pamphlet read. “At the Alien Mate Index, we have developed a method of ascertaining which human females are Latizals, though regrettably, we cannot be certain which gifts each one will display.
“You must be patient and realize that it takes a La-ti-zal some time for her special qualities to manifest, for they are often only activated once the Pure One female has left the atmosphere of Earth. Please remember there are no refunds or exchanges if your human bride does not manifest the gift you hoped for when you bought her.”
“Huh,” I said, frowning at the passage. I wondered what kind of gifts Sir hoped I would manifest. As for right now, I hadn’t done anything unusual. Well, except make his soap faucet in the tub come out when I tapped for it… Oh, and reading this pamphlet which was apparently written in an alien language.
But maybe Sir had been wrong and the translation virus was good for reading and writing alien languages too, as well as speaking and understanding them, I speculated. At least, the languages of the Twelve Peoples, as he called the sentient humanoid species of my galaxy. I would probably still be lost if I tried to decipher Korgish.
“Are you enjoying the pictures, little one?” Sir murmured distractedly. He was carefully fastening the glove with the sensor pads in the fingertips over his right hand and now he made a motion in the air.
At once, a lighted screen appeared in front of him. It was filled with strange-looking characters at first that looked something like this:
¦???? ?? ?????????
That must be his native language—Korgish,I thought. Well, Sir had been right about one thing—I absolutely couldn’t make heads or tails of the lettering on the lighted screen.
Except, as I stared at it, it began to make sense…
As Sir scrolled rapidly down the document with flicks of his gloved fingers, I realized this part of the report was about the Naggians—the people of O’nagga Nine that we were going to go meet before Sir took me to the Royal Court on his home world.
“Some would claim that that Naggians are barbaric savages due to the fact that they need to drink blood from a living humanoid donor on a regular basis in order to survive and thrive,”I read, my eyes moving rapidly over the glowing letters.“But this is incorrect—the Naggians are very civilized, if elusive, and never take blood from an unwilling donor. They have long, sharp fangs in their upper teeth which allow them to pierce the skin and—“
“Seriously? O’nagga Nine is a whole planet filled with vampires?” I exclaimed, unable to help myself.
“What?” Sir turned to me, frowning. “What are you talking about? What is a ‘vampire’?”
“A blood sucker—a monster who lives on blood. Like what you’re describing there.” I pointed at the lighted letters scrolling across the screen.
Sir frowned at me.
“Are you telling me you’re able to read my report?”
I nodded.
“Yes—when I concentrated on the letters, they just seemed to translate themselves for me.”
He shook his head.
“But…this is impossible! How are you able to do this?”
I shrugged.
“I don’t know. I just can.”
“Here—read me this passage.” Sir pointed at a paragraph in the middle of the document.
“Securing blood from a donor is often purely practical and transactional for a Naggian,” I read out loud. “Though blood exchange and consumption also plays a large part in their sexual rituals and customs.” I wrinkled my nose. “Eww—they want to do itwhilethey’re drinking blood?”
“Yes, but that is beside the point,” Sir said distractedly. “The point is, you can read my native tongue!”
I shrugged again.
“Well, maybe the translation virus the Ancient Ones sent down to Earth is better that we thought.”