What if that was not what she wanted, though? What if that is why, even now, she leaves my bed and races to R’jaal’s side? Because he istender?
I am disturbed. Leaning forward, I eye the two human females. I know U’dron is good with his mate, but A’tam had to learn how to listen to B’shit to give her what she wanted. Perhaps he needed to learn to be tender, too. Perhaps I am not listening as well as I thought, and I am in danger of losing my mate. “Tell me how I can be better at this.”
B’shit’s eyes go wide. She stares at R’ven, then back at me. “Better at what?”
I gesture at the females. “At resonance. At tenderness. I need to make sure I am pleasing my mate.”
“Oh boy.” B’shit’s face colors and she gives her mate a helpless look. “Ummm…”
R’ven waves aside her friend’s shyness. “Let’s cover the basics first. Your female’s pleasure is just as important—if not more important than your own. If she’s having a good time, you’ll feel it in her body and sex will be better for both of you. You’re making her come, right?”
“Of course,” I say confidently.
“No, there’s no ‘of course,’” R’ven says, frowning at me. “Men think it’s a given, but it’s not. But I suppose resonance would help with that. You’re doing foreplay, right? I would hope you’re doing foreplay.”
I do not know this word. I think of how F’lor squealed when I teased a finger inside her, trying to tickle her from within. “Tell me more of this fore-play.”
“Right,” R’ven says, and gives her mate a determined look. “Put on some tea, babe. We’re gonna be here for a hot minute.”
ChapterSeven
FLOR
Resonance really is a bitch.
The moment I leave I’rec’s side, I feel like I’m making a mistake. I know that’s resonance talking. I know that it’s manipulating me into thinking I need to be at his side constantly until he puts a baby inside me. I know this, but it’s still pretty darn effective, because I see R’jaal on the beach and feel nothing but guilt at the sight of him, and shame, like I’m betraying I’rec.
Which is crazy. We’re just going to have a conversation. For all that things have been a little delicate between the two of us for the last while, we’ve been friends. Friends who assumed we might end up as more at some point. He deserves to hear what happened from me instead of hearing it from Vaza or anyone else in the tribe…even if it pulls me away from I’rec for longer than I want.
I pause and head back to the cluster of huts. Maybe a quick kiss will sate my khui for long enough that this won’t feel like such an ordeal. I jog back down the beach like a crazy woman, just in time to see I’rec’s broad back disappear into U’dron’s hut. I head after him, since I like the Shadow Cat clan and I suspect they won’t mind if I steal him for a quick kiss or three.
I’m actually a little jealous of him. Coming back, he’s got an entire clan of close family to share his news with. Every resonance means that their people aren’t in danger of dying out, so another child on the way is always a celebration. In resonating to me, I guess I’m joining their family in way. I’m actually really looking forward to that. Back on Earth, I had a huge extended family, with aunties and uncles constantly at my mother’s house, cousins that were a built-in friendship network, and of course my mom and my younger sisters.
Here, I just have…R’jaal. Kinda.
As I step closer to the hut, I hear Bridget’s distant voice call out, “Congratulations to you and Flor! How do you feel?”
“How do you think I feel?”
I’rec’smiserable words stop me in my tracks.
Oh.
He doesn’t want me. Never has. He’s always wanted Tia and has made that perfectly clear. Even in front of his clan, he can’t pretend that he’s happy about our resonance. I can’t even be mad. Of course he wants her. Of course he’s upset that he’s stuck with me.
I just wish it didn’t hurt my silly feelings.
Swiping away a stupid tear, I turn and walk away from the scatter of huts as quick as I can. Find R’jaal, I tell myself. Get it out in the open. Nothing has to be decided today. You can take your time. You and I’rec have at least a year to figure shit out between the two of you.
Heck, maybe R’jaal will want to be a step-dad.
Even as the thought crosses my mind, I shudder. I don’t want that. Trying to picture R’jaal as anything more than a buddy is impossible, especially since I’ve spent the last day being pounded by I’rec. It’s probably the resonance speaking, but I don’t want anyone else. I don’t even want to consider it.
I find R’jaal seated atop the large cluster of rocks that juts out into the choppy sea. It acts as a pier for those that like to fish but don’t want to get into the water, and I know he calls it his “thinking rock.” He likes coming here when he’s troubled, because he feels like he is gazing out at the long-lost island and seeking advice from the ancestors. Of course he’s there now. He gazes out at the bottle-green waters of the ocean, his long mane whipping in the breeze behind him.
“R’jaal?” I call out, moving up to the base of the rocks. “Can we talk?”
I hold a hand up so he can help me onto the boulders, but instead, he gives me the saddest look in the universe and gets to his feet. He hops down next to me, his hair fluttering, and then straightens. His expression is just…heartbreaking.