Last Night
“You need to give it a rest, Tony. I’m going. It’s what I came back to do, and I need to see it through. I put your father off for a week after you all had your say.” I didn’t want to fucking go as it was, and he was just making it worse.
I hadn’t even broken the news to anyone else yet. Tony only knew because I’d come up to his office to ask if he wanted lunch, and Vinnie had happened to call while I was in there. There was little point in trying to hide that I had a second phone after Santos saw it, but I hadn’t been carrying it around like I was today. Vinnie had messaged earlier that he’d be calling, and when he didn’t do so by mid-morning, I’d stuck it in my pocket. Now Tony was pissed that I wouldn't tell him any particulars, and Vinnie wasn’t too happy I hadn’t made myself available for his call or taken it in private.
“The fuck I’ll let it go, Eden. Never again! I did once, and hated it. You going out for whatever cat and mouse game my father is playing is done. Do you understand me? The longer we let it go on, the worse it’s going to get, and I’m not letting him risk you anymore. We can’t lose you again, dammit!”
“No one is losing anyone, Antonio! I’ve been fine; Vinnie agreed to make sure I was well guarded, or I wouldn’t have gone in the first place. Current events don’t have any bearing on what happened back then either. The situation is completely different.” Jesus, the man was nearly apoplectic and all over a day out shopping. It wasn’t any different than any other time.
“I know we’re not, because you’re not going. And it has everything to do with the past. Had we not found you in the club, Rodrigo wouldn’t have put a hit out on you! If he hadn’t been a sleazy fuck over his son’s girlfriend, you wouldn’t have had to leave in the first place.”
“Tony, we have no idea what would have happened in the years in between even if I’d stayed. It’s ridiculous to daydream about that. I did it for years, but it doesn’t do anyone any good. I’ll concede the rest because it happened, but I have to believe that Vinnie has a plan to fix all of this. He hasn’t remained a force to be reckoned with all this time without having a clue.” The conversation didn’t seem to be so much about the now but the fear of the past repeating itself. While I understood his feelings, I couldn’t stand to live trapped or a half-life anymore. I was ready to be free, goddamnit.
“Oh, I know what would have happened. Santos would have married his high-school sweetheart while the rest of us were jealous as fuck, forced to make damn sure you only thought of us as brothers so we didn’t break his heart or ours.”
And now I was just plain pissed. “Well, you all had a fucking great way of showing that brotherly affection, Tony! I don’t think you’re comprehending that painting me a pretty picture of what my life should have been like is just fucking cruel since I wallowed in the shitty pits of this city for all those years instead! So, please, tell me again how you felt about it.” I’d turned my back on him, not wanting him to see how vulnerable I was at the moment, but his shout had me spinning back to face him.
"We were all in love, or halfway there, with you years ago! You weren’t the only one that suffered, Eden!” He just couldn’t leave well enough alone.
"So what? You think that I should just let it go? After everything I've been through?” My voice cracked at the end, the fury and bitterness that I usually kept well and buried surfacing to wreak havoc on my composure.
"Isn't that exactly what you're expecting us to do?" he demanded, a bit softer after taking in my expression. I deflated at that. "We were all mistaken. We were all victims if you want to get technical. Now we can do something about it, and while we can't erase what happened or go back in time, we can choose how we proceed now."
That was all well and good, but there was something more I had to know now that he’d broached the subject. "What would you have done if I'd gone to you? Any of you? Would you have believed me?"
His hesitation didn't last long, but it was enough to shutter my heart to stop the pain from leaking out. I must not have hidden that, or the uncontrollable hardening of my expression gave me away.
"Yes, I would have. We all would have." He sighed, and I knew what he did. They might not have. "Look, Eden, we were barely adults ourselves, and despite the lifestyle we grew up in, we weren't savvy on the dating world outside of sticking our dicks in willing pussy. Even you have to admit that, except for Santos, we were pushy horndogs."
He wasn't wrong, but he also wasn't right. Santos got plenty of action; he just hadn't pushed me for it. But I didn't think it was quite the time to bring that up or risk getting sidetracked. I wasn't sure if we'd end up arguing over a different topic, or if the sexual tension that always simmered between me and the guys would burst into an inferno and take us away into a burning heap of lust
"But you'd have taken Rodrigo's side. Family first, isn't that right?" He scowled at my finger quotations, though he kept on track with his answer.
"Sure, at first we might have. Hell, until he pulled that shit, you would have questioned it yourself. He was always a good dad to Santos, and he was good enough at his job to get into his position. But all of us would have at least asked, and I don't think your mother could have helped herself if she was that intent on keeping you away. It looked bad, Eden, really bad. At first, I thought maybe you didn't come back because something more happened between you and Santos, but the guy was distraught."
A frown pulled at his lips and dipped his brows together as if he were remembering a younger, more broken version of Santos. What he looked like in the transition from a sweet boy to the jaggedly healed asshole he had been when we reunited. I imagined it closely resembled the same one I'd gone through, and while I wasn't covered in quite so many physical scars, some days my jagged pieces barely fit inside me without bleeding me out on the floor with every breath I took. But there was one thing I knew for sure, even back then.
"If you mean rape, Santos could never have done that. He wasn't, isn't, his father." I was adamant on that fact, and no matter how many shitty things he'd done since then, that wasn't one that was in his repertoire.
Surprise lit Tony's face as his brows reached for his hairline. "Look at you defending him. Thought you were still pissed he threatened to lock you up after you got all cozy in the garage?" A noncommittal grunt was all he got in response, which earned a small chuckle, but then he got serious again. "My other fear was that you ended up pregnant, or worse, and that's why you didn't come back. I have to say I felt like an incompetent idiot when I found out you'd never left the city, but that was on your mother as well. She made it sound like you were long gone, and you weren't anywhere we thought to look." He winced when he realized what he'd said. "I can only apologize, Eden, that we didn't turn the city over to find you. We would have brought you home or figured something else out if you didn't want to stay here."
Anger seeped back, but not at the homeless-stripper-cum-drugged-up-whore references he was dancing around. "See, Tony, that's where I have trouble with this. You all did let me go. While you all may have been hurt and felt betrayed, and maybe Santos had it a bit worse, I was the one that paid the price for everything while you all went on with your lives. Your luxurious lives. Fuck, I'm so far down on the totem pole even your servants have a better grasp on your lifestyle. Me? I couldn't even find a fucking television, and I sucked your brother's dick in an effort to let me out so I could run. And you know what I'd have directly gone and done?" From the crossed arms, narrowed eyes, and scowling lips, he already knew what I'd have done. But I needed to drive that home. "As soon as I'd gotten my fix, I'd have jumped the first bus, train, or fucking truck driver on their way out of town and continued to use my pussy as currency until I felt I'd gotten far enough away that you'd never find where I'd gone. Just like you originally thought."
"Fuck you, Eden. You want to lash out, tell me how awful it was? Go ahead. But don't put words in my mouth that I never even thought of. If it had occurred to me that you'd have gone that route, we'd have checked every scuz hole and strip joint rather than looking in shelters for a scared girl or back-end alleys for a dead body. The best we could hope for was that we'd find it quickly enough to be identified so there would at least be some fucking closure!”
"Wait, what?" They’d thought I was dead? Maybe they had mentioned or insinuated it before, but I wasn’t recollecting that conversation.
“Every unclaimed body that could have possibly been yours was viewed at the morgue. We bribed every shelter operator to let us know if they saw you, and Santos was haggard enough from not sleeping that they believed him when he said he only wanted you safe. We searched dumpsters, and I personally had a talk with anyone I knew connected to trafficking. You. Were. Gone. Either you got on a bus or train and we couldn’t track you, or you’d hitched a ride with someone. We had no choice but to let you go. My father was ready for me to take on more in my role, I needed to choose who would be at my side for that, and Santos needed somewhere to direct his anger. I’ll spare you any further details, but I’m sure you can figure it out.” He was right; I knew exactly how that had turned out, but he was still scowling at me like it was my fault.
“And now I’m here. We all suffered and survived, I get it. Really, I do, it’s just somewhat hard to swallow that mine was a hell of a lot less glamorous than all of yours, but that's my issue to get over, not anyone else's. And now that we’ve both had our say on the past, I need another answer. Everyone else has said what they want, in one way or another, but you haven’t.” I bit my lip, uncertain of how he’d respond. Before today, I’d have said he was onboard, but the offhand comments didn’t mean that was how things were going to be.
“I want it all, Eden, but that doesn’t mean I’ll get it. We’ll have to see how it all plays out. There are too many variables that could change the outcome,” he evaded, which made me lose my temper. Fuck him and his variables.
“What exactly are you proposing, Antonio? That I be your house whore? Date all of you? Or will you draw straws to see who I get the privilege to be with?" I knew I was being a bitch, but I wanted answers, and pushing him to the point of losing his temper, and subsequently his restraint, was hard to do while keeping it civil.
"Santos is as much my family as Vanni and Marco are, and he's my closest friend. If he prefers I step aside, I'll do so." From the stiff set to his shoulders and gritted teeth, I didn't think that was quite how he felt on the subject, but I figured a few more pokes would have him blowing his top. At least I wasn't afraid he'd off me anymore. No, it was more likely he'd get off on me these days.
A vision of him jacking off on my tits while he held me down by my throat flitted through my head a half second before a streak of heat did the same quite a bit lower. It nearly distracted me from my agenda, but I had plans for it to end somewhat like that anyhow. I looked forward to breaking the man that stood before me.