We fell silent after that. There wasn’t much that could be said about it. It was equal parts unbelievably hot and unbelievably humiliating. There was no in between, no middle ground. Perhaps we’d unpack the way we felt about it at some point, but today was not the day. The four of us couldn’t use this time or space to deal with such complex emotional issues, so we fell into comfortable silence for a few more moments.
“They got me the day after I saw you,” Ryker said at last, breaking the silence. “It was on my way to school, on the way to my truck. I park it on the street outside the place I live and they must have been watching for me. As soon as I stepped off the sidewalk to cross the street, a black SUV pulled up and a bunch of guys jumped out, beat the shit out of me, drugged me, and carried me away.”
“Sounds more like they were running a covert crime operation instead of what I thought the Organization was, just a gaming club for horny old men,” I said in disgust. “God, I hate these people.”
Archer and Valen agreed, Ryker curled his lip in shared disgust with me. Everything we’d shared, the experiences, had brought us closer together and given us a common history now.
“Tell me about Kingston,” I said, looking at the two Kings. “I need to know all about him. How is he doing now?”
“I honestly thought we lost him,” Valen said. “He wasn’t breathing, but I guess Penny’s boyfriend Mark took a few first aid courses and he saved Kingston’s life. He kept him going until the paramedics showed up.”
“I’ll have to thank him,” I said, and smiled. Penny moved in her sleep and I wondered if part of her had registered the heroic act her boyfriend had performed.
“After they grabbed you we tried to get you back. We got my car and chased the SUV while Mark stayed with Kingston. The other one caught up to us, though, and shot out my tires. It was so fucked up, Ev, I’m so sorry we let them take you,” Archer said, his words rushing out in a stream of emotions. I could feel his regret weighing heavy on him, a burden he’d been carrying with him this entire time. I wanted to absolve him of it, I felt like I needed to. I opened my mouth to tell him everything was okay, but the moment I did, the helicopter dropped. I gasped and held onto the seat while keeping Penny safe from rolling off the seat. My stomach was flip flopping and I felt sick, as if I’d throw up if there was anything in there to lose.
“What’s going on?” I asked, my voice strained and on the edge of a scream. I’d never been on a plane or in a helicopter before, so discovering my biggest weakness in the middle of this entire stressful situation was pretty shitty. But there you have it, I apparently hate flying. At least I knew now.
“I think we’re landing,” Valen said and crouched down at my knee. He put his hand on my thigh and held it there, next to Penny’s head. “You’ll be okay, we’ve got you.”
Archer walked around behind me and put his hand on my shoulder, Ryker joined him and put his hand on the other one. Having all three of them touching me, comforting me, eased my mind and my stomach almost immediately.
And I realized that’s where I found my center. That’s how I needed to ground myself right now, and in life. Without them, I wouldn’t be able to stick to my guns and fight the Organization. Without the love and support of these three men, and the one who had been gunned down trying to protect me, I was nothing. I would never be able to find the strength I needed in the coming days and weeks.
“Thank god,” I said. “I hate being up here.”
“We noticed, princess,” Ryker said with a chuckle. He leaned down and kissed my ear and I felt almost human again and less like a prisoner. I could still feel the ache of when we’d had sex, and even though it had happened when we were both captives, I wanted to remember how he’d felt inside of me.
Everything began to shift as the helicopter floated down back to earth. My self-perception wavered and changed, I’d once seen myself as a victim and then I’d seen myself as a prisoner. And now I was starting the slow journey towards seeing myself as a fighter. A strong leader, the center of our group, the Queen to the Kings and somebody who could fight back and retain my fierce determination.
“Do you see anything outside?” I asked and Archer leaned toward the window. It was dark out there, but I could see the twinkling of lights down below.
“I think we’re back at Oakville,” he said. “I guess he sent us home.”
“Your father sent you back to your abuser?” Ryker asked, and I could tell he was disgusted with the move.
“Your father?” Valen asked. “Was that your father?”
Archer and Valen looked at me with matching shocked expressions. “I never wanted to upset you, so I never asked about him. But is this the first time you met him?”
“It is,” I replied. “I don’t know anything about him, and I don’t know why he’s in the Organization. Thackeray said I was taken as payment for a debt he owed them but now I don’t know. He’s higher up than Thackeray, maybe he told him to say that.”
“It takes a pretty shitty example of a parent to send their kid back to the men who raped her,” Ryker said, again his voice was tense with anger. My father hadn’t won him over by helping us escape and providing the means.
“I know what you’re saying, but I can’t condemn him just yet,” I said. “I want to hear his side of the story before I cut him off for good.”
“You’re kinder than I am,” Ryker said and rubbed my shoulder. I sensed a world of family trouble brewing under the surface of his words. Ryker had a complicated past, and I wanted to learn all about his history when he was ready to open up about it. Until then, I would let him be resigned to his anger.
We all sat in silence as the helicopter finally dropped to a low enough spot that the buildings in downtown were recognizable. I looked back and forth and understood one aspect of flying that was tolerable, seeing everything from up above. It was exhilarating to be this high, it felt freeing.
It was over quickly, once you could see the ground it felt like we were going improbably fast. We skimmed across the rooftops and trees until we hovered again and eased down into a wide open space. It was dizzying and I was disoriented until the helicopter set down and I realized where we were.
Right back where we’d started.
We’d come full circle, but I’d gone through hell and back. I felt like the Ouroboros, consuming myself even as I was reborn into something stronger, some better version of Everly Hayes.
This version was the best of all. I was weak and hungry, filthy and tired, but I had done things I never thought I’d be able to do. Most of all,survive. I’d survived everything the world had thrown at me until now, and I was prepared for more.
“This ismyplace,” Archer said as he realized where we were. “We’re back home.”