“Oh, you got all moon-faced and dreamy when he was around when we were teens. Oh, and I maybe peeked at your diary once and figured it out,” she adds with a grin.
“Sisters are truly the worst,” I reply, swatting her arm. But I’m not really angry. In fact, I’m glad that the secret is already out, and that Lillian seems totally blasé about the whole thing.
“So, I went with him on this trip to LA and it actually got out that there was maybe a romantic relationship between us,” I say hesitantly, feeling sheepish about admitting this to my sister. “And the media freaked out. They said it was incest.”
Lacy throws her head back and laughs so loud, that the entire bar turns to stare at us. She laughs for a solid minute straight and when she’s done, she has to wipe tears from her eyes.
“That is the mostridiculousthing I’ve ever heard,” she says finally once she’s recovered. “I mean, yes, it’s a little taboo if you’re a freaking puritan. But come on! There is zero blood relation between the two of you. And your parents were married for like, what, a minute?”
“Six months,” I say grumpily, slightly annoyed by Lillian’s reaction, as if this were all some big joke.
“I mean, come on, compared to the other stuff that goes on in Hollywood?! This is so tame, I’m surprised the media even picked it up!”
“I’m surprised you didn’t hear about it,” I say honestly.
“I’ve been in Europe, not keeping up with the US media,” Lillian says with a shrug. “Anyway, I wouldn’t let the trash media get in the way of your happiness, if that’s with Ben,” she adds, more seriously.
“I thought it was,” I murmur, looking down hesitantly at my glass of wine. “But then he got all weird about it. He wanted to keep it on the down low for a while, until we’d figured out a PR story. It seemed like all he cared about was his reputation,” I say vehemently. “He was just worried about losingfans,” I add sarcastically.
“Hm, well you know, maybe it’s not aboutlosingfans but about having themleavehim,” Lillian says musingly.
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, Ben’s had a pretty rocky childhood. Say what you will about our dad—he remarried a few times, sure—but he always gave us some sense of stability, right?”
“True.”
“I doubt Ben got that from Nanette. Ever.”
“Yeah. He’d mentioned that, actually. That’s why he liked to go back to Rose Manor. Those six months that Elliot and Nanette were married were the biggest period of stability in his life, he said.”
“Geez, that’s depressing,” Lillian says sympathetically.
“Hey, you’re supposed to be on my side here,” I say, poking her in the ribs.
“Well, what’s the problem? Talk me through this. Ben freaked out about this ‘incest’ media nonsense, and then you freaked out because he freaked out?”
“Well… Kinda. And then I left.”
“Hm. So, in his eyes, that’s probably another person leaving him,” Lillian replies. “Talk about churning up some childhood trauma.”
“I mean, I did have to go. I had this interview with Maisie. Although he did offer to come with me…” My voice trails off as I try to remember that final conversation with Ben. Had I acted too quickly? Or had I dismissed his efforts to help too rapidly? I’d told him that he hadn’t prepped me for my media appearance properly. But today I had been using every trick he’d taught me. The reason I’d succeeded in today’s interview was largely because of Ben.
“Does this hush-hush liaison with Ben have anything to do with your new confidence?” Lillian asks, her question cutting harshly into my thoughts.
“Maybe,” I say honestly. “He made me feel more powerful, if that makes sense. He made me feel seen. He made me feel like someone who deserved to be seen.”
“Then I wouldn’t walk away from that too quickly, Lacy,” Lillian says quietly, her eyes suddenly soft. “That’s a great gift. I know I don’t have all the details, but if there’s any chance of rescuing things with Ben, maybe it’s worth it.”
“Maybe,” I say simply. But my brain is churning. I’m seeing things with Ben in a new light. Did I let my own fears, my own worries about putting myself out there, stop me from recognizing Ben’s fears? He had hinted at them in the conversations we’d had at Rose Manor, in conversations I suspected he’d never had with anybody else.
But it was over now, I reminded myself. I needed to move forward with my life, especially now that I was starting to find my path professionally. And Ben had to move on with his. I couldn’t live in his shadow. I had to forge my own path. Now was my chance to do that.
Chapter Twenty
Benjamin
It’sbeenonemonthsince Lacy walked out the door at Rose Manor, ditching me. Just like everybody else in my life has ditched me. But maybe it’s for the best. Relationships have always been a distraction. Now I can focus on my music. And that’s exactly what I’m doing now. Since then, I’ve thrown myself into finishing the new album, writing or recording every day. I’m in my recording studio now, working on the rough cut of the album. James is here with me, as usual. Even though he’s my manager, not a producer, he’s heavily involved in every aspect of my career. And he’s a good friend, which is what I need right now.