Roberts returned with the tea tray. We waited again until he had left. I could look anywhere in the room so long as it was not him, and so jumped when I sensed fingers hovering over my shoulder. How I knew that I could not say—except, perhaps my body was attuned to his that even blind and deaf I’d find him in a crowded room. He came nearer until I felt his breath on my neck. He was scenting me. My breasts felt heavy and hot within the confines of my gown. Instinct told me to lean back. Allow this alpha to surround me with his rich aroma. To bare my neck, to entice, to invite him to mark me as his.
“I won’t touch you,” his voice was rich and dark against the shell of my ear. It echoed through me. More seductive for withholding his touch than if he had knotted me. There was a rasp that caused my heart to catch mid beat.
“Your virtue is safe with me,” he purred. “Always. I would never do anything to dishonour one of the Hartwell sisters, you most of all.”
I nearly groaned in frustration. I wanted to scream out that I was his Hartwell. I was the secretary he had been with almost daily since January. I had tasted his cum, touched myself almost every night, burying my face into my pillow to muffle my voice as I called out his name. But to tell him risked everything. No, I could not bear to see his face when he learnt my lies. He would not just cut me in his rage but he would probably destroy all of my sister’s ambitions too. I shook my head to dispel the unjust thoughts. He would not be so cruel as that. He would not... I let out a shuddering breath.
“Have I upset you?” his whisper sent a shiver through me, and I noticed my scent spike with anxiety.
“Upset me, Your Grace?”
“I do not mean to discomfit you… You scent…” he trailed off. How... How could he notice the change in my scent when he couldn’t smell spoilt milk?
“Why are you here?” my voice broke on the question. He’d been pleased to learn I was alone, but why?
“Your sister is wrong.”
“Often,” my laugh was bitter. Full of disgust for my actions, and Iris’s own folly for talking with Syon. “She is… principled, and it can lead her to pig-headedness.”
“At times.”
“Is there a reason you called?” I asked again, for I had not received an answer and the longer I spent in Syon’s company, the greater the risk I would expose myself. Cloves and alpha musk filled my senses. Already I knew the alpha part of him was not indifferent to my omega. But it was not me, the women, he sent heated glances to but my omega. Our dynamics were drawn together. That was all. I could not hope for more. I relaxed when I felt him move away. Only to find him standing in front of me, hands thrust into the pockets of his greatcoat. His brows drawn together in a frown that I longed to smooth away. I hated when he was like this—shut off and frowning—for I could not tell his thoughts when he grew so restlessly quiet. I dreaded what made him so introspective.
“She is wrong to think I shall forgive her not coming to me this morning—never mind that. I had much to think about yesterday. Tell her I will do my own courting from now. And she does not need to come by tomorrow. She is no longer my secretary. I plan to go into the country for a few weeks. She refused my invitation to come with me,” He glanced down at his gloves. I had not noticed he’d removed them. “She should go back to Oxford. Finish her degree. Or if that is not to her liking, then take the Grand Tour. I won’t have the time for her once I am married.”
Tears pricked my eyes. Did he know what he did to me? Shattering my heart. I floundered for an appropriate response. One that would not reveal how effectively he had destroyed my every chance for happiness. I could, I told myself. I could continue at his side as his friend and secretary. He didn’t know my lie but still pushed me away as if I meant nothing to him. But to be repudiated without doing anything wrong near killed me. I wanted to beg. I’d been on my knees before him more than once. Had those times been a lie? Had he used me as I had told him to? Had… Had I meant nothing to him beyond a hand and mouth to fuck because there had been an omega’s scent nearby? A natural response.
“Iris will finish her degree, I believe.” Before he could speak again I rushed on. “Can I offer you tea?”
“Thank you.”
But he would say so since I was already pouring.
My heart stopped when our fingers brushed.
“How did you know how I took my tea,” he asked.
“I... I was not paying attention,” which was true enough. I knew how he liked his tea. Had known for weeks and would have needed to think about it as much as I would need to remember to breathe. I expected him to sit, but he moved to the fireplace and proceeded to stare at me.
“Your eyes are very like hers. I’ve never seen anything like. And now I think perhaps you are... I will be brief. I must let your sister go. I cannot have her…” He put his cup on the mantle and crossed to the door, closing it and locking it. My heartbeat as fast as a rabbit’s. “I cannot have her in my life when I am married, when I am wed. Then I must… It would be… Do you see? I would be... I wouldn’t be able to have her near if I was married to another… She will understand my meaning.”
“You’ve said that already,” my voice sounded choked. “Why must you say it again and again? Why must you do this to me?”
“Do you think I am happy about this?” he snapped.
I did. I didn’t. How could I see when I only wanted to jump up and smooth that frown away with a quip. Tell him there was no need to marry when he had me. Omega, woman. All the traits he so desired in a bride. It would hurt, but I would forgo a mate bond if it meant being by his side. Yet I could not tell him. Never. The words of love and devotion would never be spoken.
“Jack Fordom said you were a dangerous omega. I believe it now more than ever,” Syon continued. “I have insulted you. I beg your pardon. I see you, and she comes to mind. I forget myself,” he growled. I fought the desire to purr, to soothe the monster that prowled behind his facade. As long as I had known him, I had never seen him so at odds with himself. “You are close to her. I need you to tell her… Soften the blow. With her, I have no control. You must make her understand. To woo in my own name. I never should have agreed to this prank of hers.”
“What do you mean by that? I—” The realisation that Iris might have been more indiscreet than she knew drew forth a frown. I had certainly not said anything like that. “I cannot believe that Fordom would bring me up with you.”
“Well, he did. Last night. I will speak to you with gloves off. If I prick you… I mix my metaphors. Words are not my friends when I am in your presence,” the pause pregnant with meaning. He growled and took a step towards me until he stood over me. Instinct had me look up his impressive figure until our eyes met. His gaze heated and confused. Dear Goddess help me. “If I prick you, forgive me. Forgive me my sins, Viola. Though I must set you both at a distance… Tell me… If the world was yours, but the person you loved was out of reach, how would you tell them that you loved them but you must leave them? When you had yet to hold them but knew by the way they moved and smelt that they were the only one for you and you for them? But still, you must set them aside for reasons, principles impossible to ignore. Tell me, Viola, please tell me.”
If I had been an alpha in truth, I would have wanted to order him from my sight. He ran hot one minute, cold the next. But I had cursed myself to hear his half confessions with the ears of Viola. And like Viola, unknown to him an hour before, I must answer him.
“If our positions…” I turned my head, but his gaze made my cheeks blaze hot. How could I be asked to answer this backwards declaration? I could understand why, in theory. He must have an alpha heir, which needed an omega and woman. This was the stuff of romantic tragedies. A bitter thought, since until this moment I had taken myself to be the heroine of a farce. “I don’t know...”
“And what would you say, Viola? Not Iris. I ask you, Viola and omega. Would you tell me to go after what my heart wants? Or must I do my duty? I came here knowing what I must do but am now more confused than ever.”