“You could move in,” was the first thing she said. “You could be her companion.”
“I thought you hated me.”
“I hate to see her unhappy. I hate knowing that my estate is so far beneath hers that there will never be a chance for—“
“I understand.”
Caroline’s gaze sharpened. “Perhaps you do... If only I had known what she was suffering!”
“The beta has been here since before the Earl’s death,” I said calmly. I was better at handling alphas now. “There is nothing you could have done without her exposing herself.”
“Was Olivia… Was she physically...”
“No. There is no sign that Olivia was harmed in any physical way,” I assured her. I did not reveal how thin the omega had been as her maid as I had helped her into her nightgown. She’d looked skeletal underneath her clothes. I had been surprised to see she wore a wig and that her hair was thin and cut short to her head. I could not reveal that to Caroline, I could not imagine that Olivia would want me to. “Perhaps you should be the one to move in. I know that she would feel safer with someone here. You could be that someone.”
The alpha sagged against the back of the small settee. Her head tilted back until she was staring up at the ceiling. “I sometimes envy betas,” she said as softly as if confessing some sin.
“I never would have thought that,” I said confused at the change of conversation.
“I envy them,” she continued as if I hadn’t spoken. “I read your mother’s book. Your father’s too. I know the kind of omegas and alphas there are in your family. There is cruelty within every dynamic. I’ve seen it. Over and over again. You’ve been raised differently. Above the fray. I envy you too. I wanted to join the cavalry. My commission was bought. But when Lord Clare died, Olivia needed me, so I stayed. But I… Goodnight Viola. I think… I hope we can be friends.”
* * *
I left the house with my mind so full that I stumbled as I stepped onto the street.
“Syon,” I whispered, needing my friend, and moved on instinct. By the time I’d arrived at his door, I’d been running. My blood pumping through my veins, my breath coming in short pants. I patted my cloak and drew forth the latchkey I’d been given by Horne. I headed straight to the library where I knew I’d find him. I just needed to see him, though I did not understand why.
“What racket... Hartwell? What is this?” he asked when I stormed into the library.
I pushed past him. “It is late. I am sorry.”
“Where have you been, pup? You smell… You are dressed as Viola!”
“I’m sorry,” I waved a hand as if to dispel the scent. “I needed… It isn’t my story to tell.”
I could see a frown on his face. Concern. The last thing I wanted. “Would you like a drink?”
It did not take long for me to get drunk. I refilled my glass liberally and soon lay sprawled in a chair in front of the fire that burnt in the library.
“What were you doing up?” I asked.
“Thinking. I am allowed to do that.” He sat stiff in his chair, though I couldn’t understand why. Or why he was taking such shallow breaths.
“Of course you are. I do not want to think,” I admitted. “Thinking... Hurts here.” I slapped a hand over my heart. I wanted to wipe the image of Olivia’s gaunt figure from my mind. What had she suffered? What had happened to her before the earl had died? I felt powerless to help her when the abuse had been body and mind. What could I do? What could Syon do? Would he do anything?
“The wine you have been drinking blurs your mind. Stop... Hartwell, stop.”
“You have no say of my actions.” I snapped and picked up the bottle to drink from the source.
He growled and stalked towards me. “Give me the bottle.”
“You do not own me,” I slurred then drained the bottle to prove my shallow point.
“Hartwell, you will do as I command,” he barked. I jumped up, clumsy on wine drunk legs. He steadied me with a hand on my shoulder. I looked up, craning my neck. For the first time, I felt small. Our sizes had never concerned me. Yet here I was, a tall omega, and I was a dwarf compared to him. If I was a real omega—if I was dainty like Olivia—then he would never have been duped.
“I am unnatural,” I murmured. “I am unnatural and every time I am with you I realise how unnatural I am. I want to be a proper omega.”
The hand on my shoulder tightened painfully and a whimper escaped my lips. “What did you say?” He growled.