I just had to endure whatever my father had in store for me first.
Before I stepped into the study, I briefly closed my eyes and thought of Allie: her silken hair beneath my fingertips, her gentle, floral scent, her eyes shining with love while I staked my claim over her body and soul.
Holding that vision in my mind, I squared my shoulders and went to face my father. As soon as I stepped through the door, the crackle of the fire sent stinging sparks popping across my face. It was too warm for the hearth to be lit; Father wanted to unnerve me.
I forced myself not to flinch and met his shark’s gaze head on. “It’s late,” I said coldly, matching his icy demeanor. “What do you want?”
He knocked back his whiskey and grimaced.
Fear fluttered in my chest. He’d been drunk on the night he’d scarred me. If he flew into a drunken rage…
I kept my spine straight and lifted a brow, coolly waiting for a response as I drew on thoughts of Allie to give me strength and maintain my composure.
“Don’t pretend you don’t know what this is about,” he seethed.
I managed a nonchalant shrug. I wouldn’t admit to the blackmail until he said it out loud. I still wasn’t sure what this meeting was about, and I wouldn’t give myself away. Not if there was still a chance that I could take it all back and save Allie’s friends.
“You killed your cousin, you little shit!” Father boomed.
I ducked just in time as he flung the heavy crystal glass at my head. It smashed against the mantle, the sound clashing with the roar of the fire.
I took a single step back before I could plant my feet firmly on the rug, rooting myself to the spot through sheer force of will. I hated that my father could shred me like this, that fear still slithered down my spine whenever I was near him.
Why had I wasted so many years, done so many terrible, bloody things, seeking his pride and approval? He would never love me. The way he treated me wasn’t love. He wasn’t capable of it. I could see that now that I had Allie in my life.
“John and Paulie tried to kill Allie,” I seethed. Instead of drawing on my rage to give me strength, I fortified myself with my love for her. “I would do anything to protect her. I’ll eliminate anyone who threatens her.”
She didn’t want me to be a killer, but I’d do what was necessary to keep her safe. That would never change, even if I did vow to be a better man for her.
Father’s lips peeled back in a snarl. “Your obsession with this girl has gone too far. She’s Fitzgerald’s daughter, for Christ’s sake. She’s made you forget your loyalties. You haven’t even blackmailed the mayor yet because you’re too busy fucking her. She’s a distraction this family can’t afford.”
Despite my relief that he didn’t know about the blackmail, I stiffened at the threat.
“I’m not part of this family anymore,” I sneered. “My whole life, you’ve treated me like shit. You shoved my face into the fire. I’m your son, and you scarred me for life. Why should I have any loyalty to you?”
“I disciplined you because you were being a disrespectful child,” he spat. “You needed to learn how to be a man, and the fire tempered you. Or I thought it had. You have no right to be head of this family one day.”
I shook my head. “Didn’t you hear me? I’m not part of this family at all. Blood doesn’t matter to me. I’m out.”
“Blood is everything!” he roared, face going a dangerous shade of purple. “And you betrayed it when you killed your cousin. You’ll pay for that.”
I lifted my chin, defiant. “If you care so much about blood, then you won’t kill me. I’m done with this shit. I’m not afraid of you anymore.”
His dark eyes narrowed. “You should be.” He raised his voice, bellowing to someone outside the room. “You can come in now.”
I whirled, reaching for my knife as I searched for the threat. Paulie appeared in the doorway, his anvil jaw hard and his teeth bared like a feral animal. My blade was barely in my hand by the time he lifted the gun and fired.
Agony ripped through me, the world turning white in a flash of blinding pain. I blinked hard, struggling to ignore it. I couldn’t stay down. The room was sideways, Paulie’s boots approaching as he crossed the room in swift strides. The crimson rug deepened to a shade of black as my blood poured out of the hole in my shoulder.
My knife gleamed in the firelight, just out of reach. I surged toward it, reaching with my left hand; my right arm wouldn’t move properly.
A strangled shout tore from my chest as Paulie drove his boot into my bullet wound. The world flickered in and out of existence. I was wrenched upright before being shoved back. I cried out when my bleeding shoulder collided with the hard wooden chair. My arms were forced behind me, adding a fresh layer of pain as the chairback dug into my wound. Rough rope bound my wrists together, but the nauseating pain would’ve been enough to immobilize me.
I shook my head to clear away the blackness at the edges of my mind, and the fire swam into focus. Terror twisted my insides like writhing, venomous snakes, and sweat beaded on my brow. I closed my eyes against the horror, desperately thinking of Allie.
No matter what happened next, I could endure it. I’d kill John a thousand times over to save her, and nothing would change that. As soon as my father finished with me, as soon as the agony ended, I’d kill Paulie too.
I glowered at Father, defiantly meeting his glittering black gaze. “You think torturing me will make me loyal to you? I’ll still walk out of here when you’re finished. I’m done with this family.”