“That’s not your problem anymore,” he informs me, folding his arms. “As you are no longer in charge here.”
Delilah gasps, but I merely stare at the man in front of me. Is he bluffing? Xander rarely bluffs. “You aren’t serious,” I insist anyway. “You can’t—”
“Don’t tell me what I can’t do. You are no longer needed here, so it’s best for you to go. Immediately.” A glance at Q tells me nothing. I don’t know why it matters. Maybe because he’s the closest connection I have to Aspen right now, and I’m hoping to get some idea of what she might think about this. But he’s unreadable.
I swing my attention back to his father. “Like hell. You think I’m going to leave here now, with Aspen in danger?”
“What difference does it make whether or not you’re here? You haven’t done a thing to protect her before now. What use is there in thinking you’d be effective all of a sudden? Let’s face it, you weren’t doing anyone any favors by being here.”
I’ve never hated a man as much as I hate him. Not because he’s wrong. Because he’s right.
I’ve done nothing to help my daughter. I had to find out from someone else that she could have been killed while I was tying one on in Takotna.
“Well? Standing here staring at me isn’t going to get your things packed. You better go do it, then remove yourself from the premises.”
What can I do? I can tell him to get fucked, which is exactly what I want to do, but it won’t change anything. He has the power to remove me from my position, and that’s what he’s done. With the mood I’m in now, it’s better for me to go. I might have to kill him otherwise.
Rather than give him the satisfaction of smiling smugly at me for another minute, I drop Delilah’s hand and turn around, marching for the elevator. She follows me because, of course, she would, but I don’t acknowledge her. All I hear is the sound of her struggling to stifle her emotions, sniffling and choking back tears.
Most of the shit in the apartment was already there when I arrived. Very little of it is mine. I could always send for the non-essential items. I can’t believe I’m doing this. I always knew the possibility was there, but to have it in front of me is another story.
It’s not until we reach my apartment, and I head straight for the bedroom to pull out a suitcase that Delilah bursts into tears in the doorway. “You can’t just give in like this!”
“What would you have me do?” I go to the dresser and start emptying drawers, shoving handfuls of underwear and socks into the bag before adding T-shirts and workout clothes. I’m not particularly interested in packing neatly. All that matters is getting the fuck out of here. My being here has only ever made things worse for Aspen.
“Fight back! What, you’re just going to leave? Because that asshole wants you to?” I can barely breathe for the pressure in my chest, much less soothe her feelings right now. I settle for concentrating on getting my shit together so I can get out of here as soon as possible.
“Please, talk to me!” She starts following me back and forth, weeping, reaching for me though I avoid her again and again. She doesn’t need me, either.
“Where are you going? Can you at least tell me that? What are you going to do now?”
It’s a good question. “I’ll go to Nic’s, I guess,” I groan. I have nowhere else to go.
“Please take me with you! Don’t leave me here alone.”
“You aren’t alone.”
“You know what I mean.” She sits at the foot of the bed, wiping her eyes with her sleeves. “You’re going to leave me here on my own, with nobody to defend me? With nobody who cares about me?”
“You know that’s not true. Aspen cares about you.” I almost choke on my own daughter’s name. Does she know about this? She probably thinks it’s for the best.
“It’s you I want. It’s you who’s deserting me now. You can’t expect me to stay here without you—you’re the reason I’m here in the first place! This isn’t fair.”
“Fair? You want to talk about fair all of a sudden? I would think you, of all people, would understand how useless that is. There’s no such thing.” I continue cramming jeans into a second case. “This is how life goes sometimes. We don’t always get a say.”
“But you do have a say in this. You get to decide if you want me with you or not. Please. Take me with you. Don’t leave me here. There’s nothing for me here without you.”
“That’s not true. Stop telling yourself that.”
“So that’s it? All those things we just said upstairs didn’t really mean anything?”
“What are you talking about?”
“All that stuff about me being yours. That doesn’t mean anything? That’s all just, what, an act to get you off? Because I meant it. I—I love you.”
It’s enough to make me fumble the shoes I grabbed from the closet. “What did you just say?”
She surprised herself. I wonder if she meant to say it, whether she really means it. Or if this is some insane last-ditch effort to keep me around because she feels safer when I’m here.
“I said I love you. Because I do. All I want is to be with you, wherever that is. I would even stay here if you were staying. All that matters is you. Please, I just want to be with you. Take me along. Don’t leave me here without you.”
There I was, thinking I was above this kind of thing. Emotion, sentiment.
It looks like I was wrong. I do feel something. I feel something for her, but love? Calling it love might be a stretch.
“You don’t love me, Delilah. You just think you do because I’m the only person who ever gave a shit about you. I do care about you, and I hope that someday you know the difference.”
“Call it what you want, Lucas. I still want to come with you.”
I drop my shoes into another bag, my mind made up. “Okay. Go to your room. Pack your things.” I zip up my luggage. “You’re coming with me.”