“Lucas is right,” Lauren agrees, “and that’s something I don’t say often.”
Charlotte is not convinced, her sobbing only intensifying. I don’t know how to console someone or comfort them when they are hurting, but there is a strong urge to do so now. I owe her that much. After everything I’ve done to Charlotte, I owe it to her.
“Lauren, you can go now.”
“Are you sure—”
I shut her up with a stern look that leaves no room for discussion. “Go.”
She glances over at Charlotte with a rueful expression. “Fine, I’ll go, but call if you need me. Both of you. Charlotte, feel free to come and see me in the medical wing.”
Charlotte simply nods, not even looking up at Lauren, who gets up and leaves the room in a hurry. She closes the door softly, leaving Charlotte and me alone in our misery.
I let her cry in silence for a few more minutes, giving me time to figure out what I am going to say without sounding like the huge asshole I am.
“Lauren is right, you know,” I break the silence. “Give Aspen time; she is going to want to meet you. I should have told her as soon as you called. I’m sorry.”
At the last part, Charlotte finally looks up. Her bloodshot eyes scan me carefully. “Did you just apologize to me?”
“Yes, and I mean it. I am sorry. Sorry for today and back then.”
“Wow… I imagined this day to go all kinds of ways. You apologizing wasn’t one of them. You’ve really changed, and I can tell how much Aspen means to you.”
“She does, and I’m not used to that.”
“I always knew this part of you was just hiding, waiting to come out.”
“No!” I jump up from my seat, knocking against the coffee table. My quick movement has Charlotte jolt, pulling up her arms like she is getting ready to protect herself. Her fear only drives my point home. “Just because there is a tiny part of me that’s good doesn’t make me a good person. The rest of me is still rotten.”
“I don’t believe that.” She drops her hands into her lap, interlacing her fingers as if that would hide how they are trembling.
“Believe what you want. It won’t change the truth. I’m a bad person and an even worse father. You were right to keep her away from me.”
“The fact that you worry about not being a good father is the very thing that makes you a good parent. I think you are being too hard on yourself. Aspen clearly cares about you. She loves you.”
I throw my hands up in frustration. “She almost died because of me. She was literally starving, bullied so badly she didn’t want to leave her room, and what did I do? Nothing.”
When will Charlotte stop trying to make me into a good person? Even now, she looks at me like she wants to help me. There is no hope. Why doesn’t she see it?
“You know I was the one who dropped her off at her house. I drove her to her place and left her there, knowing it wasn’t safe, I left her, and they took her. Did you know they drugged and raped her so badly that she lost the baby she was carrying?”
Charlotte’s face crumbles, shock and sorrow written all over it. There is so much pain in her eyes it makes it hard to look at her. “Lucas, you couldn’t have known.”
“Aren’t you listening?” I’m full-out yelling now. “I did know. I knew she was unprotected, and I knew people were after her. I still left her there.”
“You know what. I was wrong. You haven’t changed. You still try your best to make everyone see the worst in you. Every time someone gets close, you find a way to hurt them, to drive them away.”
Her words hit me like a thousand-pound weight.