“I was defending myself!”
He takes another bite ofmyapple, and I’m tempted to grab it from his hand and chuck it at his head. “That doesn’t matter. Someone died, and you must pay the price.”
I snarl my lip, ready to say something else, but there are already too many eyes on us, and now they’re snickering, pointing, and basically taking no pains to even pretend they’re leaving me alone.
“Just leave me alone!” I tell Ren, who takes a step back, a stupid smug look on his arrogant face. I force down every last bite of my sandwich because fuck them. Then I waste no time gathering my things, getting up, and leaving the cafeteria.
I guess this is what Lucas meant when he said he wouldn’t do anything to protect me. In the grand scheme of things, it hasn’t been that bad—threats and insults, they hurt but won’t kill me.
Knowing how much worse things can and probably will get has me deciding to skip my next class. I did my best, but I can’t take any more today.
I could go back to my room, but I’ll be spending the entire weekend there anyway. Instead, I head for the library. I’ll get lost there, deep in the stacks. I wonder what the odds are of hanging out there this weekend, come to think of it. The way Brittney and Aspen made it sound, nobody ever goes there. It might at least be a change of scenery.
The pressure in my chest eases when I step over the threshold. I know my mind is playing tricks on me, but the air feels sweeter and cleaner. Easier to breathe. The silence is delicious. The lack of anybody watching and judging me, waiting for me to screw up somehow. It’s freeing.
“I’ll grab the other stack from your desk.” Oh, shit. I forgot about her. How did I forget about her? I start backing up, suddenly regretting this decision, but it’s too late. Aspen has already seen me.
She stops short, frowning. “Hi.”
That’s about the nicest greeting I’ve received all week. “Hi.”
“I heard you were back.”
“Yeah, well, I’ve kind of been running from class to class and trying to stay away from as many people as possible.” Why am I pouring my heart out like this? Maybe because it seems like she wants to listen.
“Yeah. I know what that feels like.” Her gaze drifts toward the stack of books on Brittney’s desk, which I guess she was on her way to pick up when she ran into me. “Can you help me with those? I might not be able to carry them all by myself.”
That’s bullshit, of course. Part of me wonders if this is some kind of trick. But I’m the one who did that to her, aren’t I? Am I projecting by expecting her to double cross me the same way? Or did her husband put her up to it?
I can’t keep overthinking everything. I’m going to drive myself insane. “Sure.” I pick up half of them, all thick hardbacks, then follow her to where Brittney is waiting.
Her eyes widen a smidge like she’s surprised to see me. “Hi, there. I’m glad you’re here. I was hoping you would stop by.”
Are these people for real? Why would either of them be glad to see me?
“This is maybe one of two places in the whole school where there isn’t anybody threatening me—no, three. Dr. Lauren’s office.” I don’t count Lucas in that because I don’t think I can. I’m sure he’s come up with a new reason to hate me by now. Otherwise, how could he go a week without checking to see if I’m okay?
“You can always come here,” Brittney assures me. I believe her, too. I’m not used to people being so sincere, with nothing in it for them. That’s how it is, too. I have nothing to give her, nothing to give either of them. But they’re so nice to me anyway.
Before long, Brittney makes an excuse to go back to her desk for something or other, leaving Aspen and me to finish shelving the books they cataloged. She slides a look my way before ducking her head, her hair falling on either side of her face, so I can’t see her expression. “I’m sorry for what happened. After you left here, I mean.”
“Everybody knows about it, huh?”
“If I hadn’t helped you leave, it never would have happened.”
“Yeah, well, it did.” But then, because I feel bad, I add, “It wasn’t your fault.”
And because I don’t want to talk about this anymore, I pick up a historical fiction book featuring a woman in a gorgeous ball gown standing with her back to me. It’s so beautiful I don’t want to put the book down.
“Oh, that’s a good one.”
“Have you read every book in this library?” I ask with a laugh.
She doesn’t take it as an insult. “Maybe I have. Maybe there was a long time when I had nothing else to do. I know what it’s like to have to hide out.”
I wish it wasn’t so easy to like her. It would be a lot easier if she was the snide little bitch I imagined her to be. Maybe it’s my need for friends. I’m just that desperate.
“What the fuck is this?”