I’m not even scared of his threat today. It’s not that I don’t believe him. I just don’t care about anything right now. “Don’t take my food, and I won’t have a reason to use violence. Now, please leave. As you already guessed right, I’m on my period. I’m grumpy and in pain. I don’t have a heating pad or a bathtub to soak in, and the Advil hasn’t kicked in yet, so please, for the love of everything, get out and let me eat my chocolate in peace.”
“No.”
“No? I’m not having sex with you.”
“I didn’t say I was here for sex, did I?”
“That’s literally the only reason you come to my room. Why else would you be here?”
“Okay, you’ve got a point there. I did come for sex, but I’m not interested in making a mess or hearing you whine the entire time.”
“Could you be any more of an asshole?”
“Yes, I actually could. Do you want me to be?”
“Ugh…” I curl onto my side, facing away from him, and close my eyes. “Please, Q. Just leave me alone,” I whine, not caring how pitiful I sound. I bring the chocolate to my mouth and start sucking on the end like it’s a pacifier. Closing my eyes, I pretend Q isn’t here and will the pain meds to work faster.
“I also came to give you this.” I feel him throw something light on top of my blanket. When I open my eyes, I spot a small round pill dispenser.
“What the hell is this?”
“Birth control. You’re gonna take one pill every day, starting today. Instructions are on the back.”
“You can’t be serious.” I’m dumbfounded. “Wait, how did you even get this?”
“It doesn’t matter how I got it. What matters is that you will be a good girl and take it every day. You were the one freaking out about pregnancy. You should thank me.”
I almost snort. Shaking my head at him, I close my eyes again. I don’t even have the energy to fight him on this. Plus, he is right. I don’t want to get pregnant, and it’s not likely he is going to stop fucking me.
“You know… I have a bathtub in my room.”
“Great for you, and thanks for rubbing it in.”
“What I meant was, I could let you use it,” he offers, but I already know it’s going to come with a catch. “For a price, of course.” And there it is.
I don’t answer right away, even though I know I should say no. But the thought of soaking in a hot bubble bath, soothing my back pain and stomach cramps, has my brain shutting off.
Against my better judgment, I ask, “What do you want?”
“I want you to tell me about your friend Brittney, the librarian.” His question is one I did not expect. Why the hell does he want to know about Brittney?
“Why?”
“Because she clearly doesn’t like me, which makes her my enemy, and I like to keep my enemies close. You might have already noticed that.”
“So let me get this straight. The whole reason you and everybody else here hates me is because you think I’m a rat. Over and over again, you have told me to keep my mouth shut and not talk about anything and anyone, but now you want me to give you information on my friend?”
“I’m not asking you to give me any secret information or anything that could get her in trouble. I just like to know everything there is to know about my enemy just in case they ever attack me. And I don’t know if you have noticed how Brittney looks at me, but if she’s ever given the chance, she’ll drive a knife into my back before I know it.”
“Well, I can tell you something about her right now. I’m pretty sure she is the only decent person in this whole place. The only one who treats me like a human being, and the only reason she doesn’t like you is because she knows you want to hurt me. She’s a friend. I know the term might be foreign to you, so I’ll explain it. A friend is a person who cares about your well-being, who protects and appreciates you, and who does all of it asking for nothing in return.”
“I know what a friend is. I have many. I just don’t wanna be yours.”
I blame it on my period, but his comment hurts more than it should. Of course, he doesn’t want to be my friend. No one here does. It doesn’t make it hurt any less, especially after giving him my virginity, and I’m using the termgivehere lightly since taken would be more appropriate. The need to lash out at him overwhelms me.
“I hate to burst your bubble, but you don’t have any friends either. You have people who fear your father and who are nice to you because they want something. Do you really think any of these people here care about you as a person? Because I don’t. At least I have one friend, a real friend. You have none, and knowing the way you are, I don’t think you ever will.”
In a flash, he is on me, his nose pressed against mine as he breathes through it like a bull ready to charge. The closeness of his body makes me dizzy.
“I’ll let your mouthy-ass attitude slide since you’re having a bad day but say one more thing that pisses me off, and I don’t give a fuck if you have your period or not. I’ll fuck your asshole and make that bleed too.”
“I hate you,” I growl directly into his face, though I’m grateful he takes a step back, putting some much-needed space between us. I can’t think properly when he’s around, and that terrifies me. He terrifies me.
“Good. At least you feel something for me.” He grins, and I swear I could get whiplash from how fast his moods change sometimes.
“Where are you going?” I ask before I can stop the words from coming out.
He pauses, his hand on the doorknob. He doesn’t look back at me as he speaks. “Leaving. You don’t want to fuck, and you aren’t willing to share anything about Brittney, so I have no reason to be here.”
I feel slimy, used, and when he opens the door a moment later, I let him walk out. I guess, in a way, it’s better that he makes me feel like shit because if he didn’t, I’d have this false sense of hope that things might work out differently. They won’t; they never do. I’m a release to him, and he’s a protector for me. Nothing else but those things matter, and I need to remember that. Good thing he’s plenty good at reminding us both.