9
Penny
Ilook up at his face and see the bright red scratches across his cheek. Scratches that I put there. Any moment now, he is going to attack me. He’ll grab me and beat the shit out of me. And there is nothing I can do. Tommy is much smaller than Ryder, and I didn’t have a chance with him. I’ll be lucky if I survive a beating from Ryder, so I’m not going to risk struggling anymore.
The few times I tried to fight back with Tommy, he just beat me up twice as bad. So, I stopped fighting him altogether, and instead, I became the weak person I am now. A doormat, that’s what I am. Letting people do whatever they want to me just because they can. I’ve given up on every single one of my hopes and dreams and let other people dictate my life.
Sitting with this revelation, I wait, counting down the seconds and mentally preparing my body for what’s coming. Time stretches on, but he still doesn’t move. He just stands there, looking down at me with a blank expression.
When he finally moves, I flinch, scooting back on the mattress a few inches, but all he does is walk around the bed and slide in on the other side.
“Lie down and go to sleep,” he mumbles and turns off the bedside lamp.
I’m so confused. It takes me a minute to actually move. In the dark, I slowly ease down the bed and lie next to Ryder. We are not touching, but I can feel his body next to mine. He doesn’t tie me up again, and I don’t know if it’s on purpose or if he just forgot. My head hits the pillow, and a wave of exhaustion washes over me. If it wasn’t for my body trembling, I could probably go to sleep with ease.
Curling into myself, I try to relax as best as I can, so the shaking will stop, but I can’t get myself to that point. Not until Ryder moves next to me, draping an arm around my torso and pulling me into him.
For a moment, I think he must be asleep and mistaken me for someone else, but he whispers into my hair, “Go to sleep, little owl.” I know then that he is actually doing this consciously.
Despite the throbbing in my jaw, I end up relaxing. I close my eyes and take comfort in Ryder’s touch. With my mind and body equally tired, it only takes me a short while before sleep grabs hold of me and pulls me into darkness.
* * *
When I blinkmy eyes open the next morning, there is a crust sticking on my eyelashes and a distinct throbbing behind my eyes from crying. The throbbing is even worse than the soreness in my jaw from the punch Tucker gave me.
Besides the pain, I feel like something else is off, and I don’t think it’s the fact that I’m waking up in Ryder’s bed. I feel… different. It takes me some time to figure out what it is. I can breathe a little easier today. I’m a little less scared than I have been in a long time. I just feel like the weight on my shoulders has lessened a bit. It’s not gone by any means, but for the first time in a very long time, I feel better than I did the day before.
I notice quickly that Ryder is not in the bed with me, which makes me recall how I felt comfortable with him close last night. I almost laugh. I felt safe with Ryder. I crawled into his bed, letting him cuff me just so I could stay with him. Tucker must have knocked something loose in my head.
I try to push the feeling away, but deep down, I know that it’s true. I feel safe with Ryder. He didn’t give me away or take his friend’s side like I thought he would. He didn’t hurt me; the opposite, in fact. He took care of me, helped me undress and shower. He was gentle, his touch careful, nothing like I would expect from him.
Before last night, I was wondering if he would ever beat me. Now I know he won’t lay a hand on me, not like that anyway. I fought him, hit him, kicked him, even scratched up his face, and he still didn’t hit me back. He just held me down until I was calm.
Getting up from the bed, I wrap the sheet around my naked body. I have nothing to wear in his room, and I don’t want to walk out completely nude.
I find him in the kitchen, flipping an omelet. He glances over his shoulder when he hears me approach.
“Last night was a one-time deal. You sleep on the couch or on the floor. The only time I allow you in my bed is to fuck,” he growls, and I’m surprised by his bitter tone, even though I shouldn’t be.
I might feel different today, but my situation hasn’t changed. Whatever kindness he was willing to give me last night is as far as this goes. I should be thankful for that little slither of comfort he gave me. Instead, I’m disappointed that he won’t give me more.
“Okay,” I whisper before disappearing into the bathroom to put on some clothes. That’s when I realize my only clean shirt is ripped. Shit. I might be able to fix it, but I don’t want the reminder of what happened, so I toss it in the trash instead. Grabbing my dirty clothes, I walk out in leggings and a bra.
“Can I borrow a shirt until my laundry gets done?”
Ryder, who is now sitting at the kitchen table eating, cocks an eyebrow at me. He looks me over before giving me a small nod. “Just get one from my dresser.”
I don’t wait until he changes his mind. With my clothes in hand, I walk back to his room. Dropping my pile onto his dirty clothes in the laundry basket. I take my leggings, bra, and underwear off and throw them on there as well before grabbing a shirt from his dresser.
I pull the large, black cotton shirt over my head and pull it down my body. It feels nice and soft, fitting me more like a dress. I pick up the laundry basket and bring it to the washer to start a load.
Walking back into the living room, I find Ryder on the couch, his feet propped up on the coffee table, doing something on his phone. Mojo is lying right below his legs, snoring quietly. Ryder doesn’t look at me when I walk past him into the kitchen, grabbing his plate he left on the table on the way. I clean up the mess he made in the kitchen before grabbing an apple for my breakfast.
After I’m done eating, I decide I need to ask him if I can leave today. I need to get to the library to apply for some programs, maybe even find a job. I sit down on the single recliner instead of next to him on the couch.
“I wanted to ask you if it’s okay for me to go to the library today?”
“No,” he says, without even looking up from his phone.